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His pouting is annoying...


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So I have been dating this guy since last April.  He just recently moved in.  I have 4 children, am widowed, and got out of an abusive relationship over a year ago.  Within a few days of him moving in I started noticing some things.  The first was him not wanting my children to use the bathroom that is connected to my room.  Now they do have their own bathroom, but there are 4 of them and this bathroom isn’t always available.  I told my son to take a bath in my bathroom one night and he became visablly frustrated and upset.  He then proceeded to pout and say this was the one thing he asked for.  I explained to him that things aren’t always going to go his way, and that this was a very small thing to be upset over.  He then pouted more and said he never had a restroom of his own.  🤦🏻‍♀️
 

My oldest daughter has been struggling and is in therapy.  She started falling in her school work, but I am very gentle when handling situations with her due to the loss of her father and the abuse she has witnessed.  He stepped in and told me that she was just taking advantage of the situation and that I needed to step up and handle her.  This led him to state that he felt if my ex who was abusive showed up at my house that I would just let him back in.

Am I wrong for feeling not only annoyed, but for also feeling rather concerned at his sudden need to control so many aspects about my children’s lives and my life??

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He sounds clueless, insensitive and controlling. I'm sorry to hear this. Does he have kids? My concern is that you just got out of an abusive relationship and may have attracted the same type of person again in another relationship. Are you going for therapy too? 

 

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I’m interested to see what others say before fully jumping in with a response...but I did at least want to go ahead and point out to you that he is in a new situation that he’s learning to navigate. You say “he recently moved in” so I’m imagining he’s moved into your home that you have shared with your children for awhile. You and your kids have your ways, your routines. This guy has to figure out how he fits into all of that, and that’s a lot to handle. He’s entitled to tell you what he can/can’t handle (sharing his bathroom with the family is clearly a “can’t handle”) and you need to make an effort to be willing to compromise on some things. You can’t just expect him to mold himself to fit into the life you’ve already established.

His comments about your daughter, however.....I will bite my tongue until I see what others have to say.

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Please kick him out, there is no reason for him to be living there. You have had a difficult life, you need to move any relationship very slowly because of your past trauma and because your kids do not need more issues to deal with. You don’t need more agita in your day-to-day living. Neither do they. 

Edited by arjumand
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Why did he move in? Considering you've been with him for 10 months give or take, but are a year out of an abusive relationship and you've been widowed.  That's a lot on kids.

Out of context the pouting and "never had his own bathroom" would be annoying and not a good look on him. But if this is who he is? It's a downright disaster.

Maybe he needs to get his own place with his own bathroom, on the other side of town. 

Do not put a man you've known for such a short period of time above your kids. Kids are only kids for a short period, but they remember for their whole lives.  Don't be surprised if they pull away and stay away as soon as they're capable. 

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Cfrazier, you've just adopted your fifth and most spoiled child...you need to boot him out. Do not be that woman that needs a man at all cost, even to the detriment of your children's well-being. They have already suffered enough with the passing of their father and witness abuse in the household.

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1 hour ago, Cfrazier26 said:

dating this guy since last April.  He just recently moved in.  I have 4 children, am widowed, and got out of an abusive relationship over a year ago.

- Yes, way too much too fast.

Why did you allow this?

You two have been involved less than a year and YOU have only been out of an abusive relationship just over a year ago  😞 

1 hour ago, Cfrazier26 said:

him not wanting my children to use the bathroom that is connected to my room.  Now they do have their own bathroom, but there are 4 of them and this bathroom isn’t always available.  I told my son to take a bath in my bathroom one night and he became visablly frustrated and upset.  He then proceeded to pout and say this was the one thing he asked for.

- HE has no right, nor a clue as to raising children!

Plus, no respect.

1 hour ago, Cfrazier26 said:

 He stepped in and told me that she was just taking advantage of the situation and that I needed to step up and handle her.

His pouting is annoying you?  HE is .... well...

He's clearly OVER stepping boundaries here,

Kick him back out!

Keep on with being a good mom ❤️  And how about you focus on yourself & kids a while..?  They have lost a parent and in the last 1.5 years, saw & experienced mom get out of an abusive relationship and bring in some guy no one knows well enough to be there - on their turf.

How about just be on your own a while.. and stop jumping one to another and letting guys move in so fast.

I have an ex sis in law who did this.. the kids grew up a little messed up 😞 ... I felt for them, seeing all they were exposed to.

Myself?  I went a long while after my BU before any man came around to meet them.

More stability the better for our kids ❤️ 

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I agree with others as to how wrong this is.     I'm sorry but you're not using good judgment by moving a man into your home while small children are living there.  Your children who depend on you to protect them are unfairly being put at risk, along with putting their emotional health on the back burner.

Hopefully you'll give this some thought ,and make the right choices.

 

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Your Daughter will not get any better while this pouting man is in your home.

She needs to feel safe, not be picked on by a guy who has recently moved in & thinks he can rule the roost.

You need to kick him out & concentrate on your children. I have lived through this & it is horrible. 

If you want any kind of ongoing relationship with your children kick him out today & focus on the kids.

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lmao the balls on this guy

Seriously, the man needs to go.  Like yesterday.  The longer you drag it out, the more complicated it may get to kick him out, especially with additional COVID measures intended to protect tenants / residents who aren't ***holes.  It's undue stress for you and your family, and can very possible cause long-lasting damage in your relationships between you and your kids.  

Edited by j.man
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6 hours ago, Cfrazier26 said:

Am I wrong for feeling not only annoyed, but for also feeling rather concerned at his sudden need to control so many aspects about my children’s lives and my life??

Yes, you absolutely should be very concerned and not ignore all the red warning flags waving all over the place.  This guy is bad news and the sooner you get rid of him the better.  You've just got out of an abusive relationship, only to go right back into another one.  Get rid of this guy, remain single for a good long while and maybe look into some therapy to help you over this hurdle and to help you understand what draws you to abusive men.

Bottom line, this guy has got to go.  Your children's welfare comes first, as well as your own.

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On 2/17/2021 at 12:56 PM, Wiseman2 said:

You need to ask him to move out. Put your kids first. He's bullying you and your kids.

I agree.  Also 4 kids and 2 bathrooms, well sometimes you gotta use the other bathroom!  I dont think this is going to work.

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2 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

👍👍👍

 

4 hours ago, Cfrazier26 said:

Thank you guys!  I am going to sit down with him today and tell him he needs to go. It took another step further last night with him throwing a diaper and pack of wipes.  I’ll keep y’all updated.

I know it's sad but this is the best idea, it's clearly not working.

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Things will only get a little worse before they get better...getting him out might be a chore....we are here for you if you need to vent. Please keep us updated....we like to hear about people's progress.

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Does this guy have any kids of his own? Unfortunately I think if he's not a parent at all, he's just not going to get it. With the bathroom situation, he obviously values his privacy more than allowing your children to use the bathroom. It seems ridiculous especially if they can't use the bathroom even if nobody else is using it or nobody is even in the bedroom. He also doesn't have the right to tell you how to parent your  children, unless your children have rude and uncontrolled behaviours/behaviours of concern. How you communicate with your children and what values they are brought up with is not his business. He is not their father. Especially if your children are not that small, they have their own routines and ways of doing things and it would be very stressful for them that he's trying to change that.

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