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Advice on getting ex back and avoiding Friendzone


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Wondering if i can get advice on my current situation. Id been dating a girl for 4 months, we had a pretty friendly good relationship overall even though we have a big age gap - she is 24 im 42.

One month ago she told me i was a great guy but just didnt feal in love.....that she saw me as a great friend.

One week latter we met to talk and kissed, afterwards she said she needed time to think and wasnt sure kissing had been a mistake, we met a couple days latter and insisted we should stay friends, also mentioning she was seeing somebody new.

I iniciated no contact for 3 weeks keeping a very active social life specially on social media which she always watched. We just chatted last week online and had a relatively good conversation, i sent her flowers on st valentines which she posted on social media and has been friendly overall;  i did make a point of being honest and telling her i was to consider our past relationship dead and restart from 0 but that i would not see her as a friend or accept to live happily in the friendzone .

She agreed starting again from 0 was a good idea and that she wanted a good relationship with me and that we should continue talking and taking things calmly.

Sooo what should i currently do and what do you guys think my odds of getting her back are or any relevant advice?

Should i ask to meet up? Should i ask her about " the new guy " ? Or just act like he doesnt exist.

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3 hours ago, Nabokov81 said:

Wondering if i can get advice on my current situation. Id been dating a girl for 4 months, we had a pretty friendly good relationship overall even though we have a big age gap - she is 24 im 42.

 

Ouch. 16 weeks is a good time to observe incompatibilities. Unfortunately she sees you as more of a father figure or big brother.

It's best to just step away from all this and not hope buzzing around will change her mind.

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I think you're setting yourself up to get hurt again. 

She's really young, man. The odds are very slim that she will a much-older man to be her boyfriend. You're in totally different places in your lives. 

I would advise you to let her go, because it's very unlikely to be more than a short fling and she's already ended it once. You two just don't have the foundation to make this work. 

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Good for you for being vocal about your feelings and what you want. I don't think it will work. 

Do you know why this person seems so attractive to you? What is it about her that separates her from other women or other 24 year olds?

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As a side comment she does have a history for dating older men; her ex before she dated me was 48.

Well i think im very attracted to her because she overall was very sweet to me during our relationship; i suffered a big accident/injury needing surgery when we started dating and she was with me the entire time while i recovered, giving me alot of support, im gratefull for the neutral advice, the odds dont seem in my favor......

Edited by Nabokov81
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11 hours ago, Nabokov81 said:

One month ago she told me i was a great guy but just didnt feal in love.....that she saw me as a great friend.

Make note.  She has already explained, after your split.

And, it was only 4 mos. - short term.  No 'love' develops in that time anyways.- I feel she is still quite immature.

11 hours ago, Nabokov81 said:

, afterwards she said she needed time to think and wasnt sure kissing had been a mistake, we met a couple days latter and insisted we should stay friends, also mentioning she was seeing somebody new.

- She is involved?  For her to be kissing YOU is not right!

She does not seem all there :/ . 

You two were only involved 4 months!  Now onto someone new... she does not seem too 'stable',, yah think?

 

11 hours ago, Nabokov81 said:

i sent her flowers on st valentines which she posted on social media and has been friendly overall;  i did make a point of being honest and telling her i was to consider our past relationship dead and restart from 0 but that i would not see her as a friend or accept to live happily in the friendzone .

- Okay, is your choice to not be a 'friend', fine.  Is usually how it goes.. IMO, you can choose a friendship with her or nothing. ( I am usually not friends w/me ex's either).

I suggest you just leave her alone now... You are in your 40's, she is only 24.  You are way ahead of her... be like dating your daughters friends 😞 .

She is just getting her life going... and IMO, she is 'living it up' having fun, getting around..  Do not expect anything more.  As she has said.. She see's you as a good friend.

Don;t ya think you need to walk away from any expectations here?

Move on... get on with your life.

Edited by SooSad33
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Good friends like that are hard to come by. It sounds like she was being supportive and friendly during your tough time during surgery and recouping. She seems attracted to you but isn't worried about losing you or interested in pursuing this further. The interest is there. It's just not that high. I do think you may be setting yourself up for more heartache. 

I wouldn't close the door on this friendship. Give yourself more time to make sense of what she's saying. I think the truest way to get a sense of things is to give it time and see where this goes. I'd give it a month and in that month, you can use that time to cool off and bring more perspective into the way you think or feel about this person. 

I think you're reacting right now based on what you can't have or don't have. Not a good place to be. It's a reactionary place like a kneejerk reaction to rejection or not having what you don't have (like withdrawal). Give yourself some time to think. You may surprise yourself in a few weeks. What's your thought on this?

 

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I think that indeed is quite true, in that im reacting experiencing i supppose a kind of withdrawal after being dumped, giving it a month of perspective kinda sounds like a good idea.....was thinking on asking her out on a date next week which most likely isnt a great idea.

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2 hours ago, Nabokov81 said:

As a side comment she does have a history for dating older men; her ex before she dated me was 48.

Right.

And where is he now? 

She might be attracted to older men, but that does mean she is looking for a long-term relationship with them. The probability of a young woman in her 20s settling down a with a guy in his 40s are very low. There's a reason we don't often see lasting relationships between two people at such different points in their lives. 

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