Capricorn3 Posted February 17, 2021 Share Posted February 17, 2021 12 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: Sounds like she was pretty disappointed at your lame Valentine's approach. What, exactly did you do for her on vday? I asked the same question. This was his reply: "Well... i caught my ex wife cheating on me about 5 years ago blaming it on many things but one of the issues that stood out was that I wasn’t present towards the end of our relationship. She was right, I wasn’t and my focus was on building a new company that took a majority of my time and left me exhausted and with little to no effort to work on us. Because I was able to accept my faults and continue to work through my short comings with counseling I know am extremely vigilant and make my relationship my number one priority. Because it was Valentine’s Day had no bearing on how I treat her. I’m fortunate enough now to have a dream schedule and the means to make her feel like she’s the only women on earth. So to some up your question, I’m was a Chef for 22 years and cook for her 50% of the year. The other 50% she’s with me eating all over the world in my clients restaurants, hotels and resorts. I’m absolutely no Angel nor do I resemble Brad Pitt but I believe I’m a good man who will do anything for her in my best capabilities." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Capricorn3 Posted February 17, 2021 Share Posted February 17, 2021 16 hours ago, C-Gar said: So to some up your question, I’m was a Chef for 22 years and cook for her 50% of the year. The other 50% she’s with me eating all over the world in my clients restaurants, hotels and resorts. I’m absolutely no Angel nor do I resemble Brad Pitt but I believe I’m a good man who will do anything for her in my best capabilities. So you're basically saying she has Valentines Day every day and you didn't need to do anything special on the actual day? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boltnrun Posted February 18, 2021 Share Posted February 18, 2021 I was starting to think I was the only one. No, one is not entitled to sex no matter how many dinners are provided. And no, one should not expect sex because "massages always lead to sex". No, they don't. After all she did for you that day and you sleep on the couch because she didn't relieve your boner. I'm in the "you were an a**" camp. Do you feel she "owes" you in return for all the things you've chosen to provide her with? Should she act more grateful? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reinventmyself Posted February 18, 2021 Share Posted February 18, 2021 1 hour ago, boltnrun said: I was starting to think I was the only one. No, one is not entitled to sex no matter how many dinners are provided. And no, one should not expect sex because "massages always lead to sex". No, they don't. After all she did for you that day and you sleep on the couch because she didn't relieve your boner. I'm in the "you were an a**" camp. Do you feel she "owes" you in return for all the things you've chosen to provide her with? Should she act more grateful? I'm scrolling thru all the response s wondering why no one else caught that. Glad I'm not the only one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jibralta Posted February 18, 2021 Share Posted February 18, 2021 11 hours ago, Capricorn3 said: So you're basically saying she has Valentines Day every day and you didn't need to do anything special on the actual day? She gets no say in the matter. It's plain to see that his lifestyle is some kind of reward. In fact, just being with him is a reward--after all, he cooks! If she doesn't like uprooting her life and following him around the planet for half a year, then something is wrong with her 😂 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catfeeder Posted February 19, 2021 Share Posted February 19, 2021 On 2/17/2021 at 2:04 AM, C-Gar said: On 2/16/2021 at 11:26 PM, Capricorn3 said: what did you do for her? Well... i caught my ex wife cheating on me The question was what you did for your GF, and you went into a historic rant about YOU. That sounds like the core of the problem. GF spent a full day knocking herself out for you, and you made her feel lousy because she didn't meet an expectation that you piled onto that. If you choose to continue this relationship, I would make a point of making this up to her--and stop making it all about you. Otherwise, you're leaving this thing nowhere to go. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maritalbliss86 Posted February 19, 2021 Share Posted February 19, 2021 On 2/17/2021 at 1:07 AM, C-Gar said: It’s pointless to reason with her at times it’s just bugs the crap out of me knowing she thinks she was right and did no wrong. Ughhhh..... sometimes I really hate relationships. That doesn't sound good that she doesn't stop and reflect and think about how what she did also makes you feel. I read the original post and she sounded ridiculous LOL! Of course you were expecting sex again, that's probably the normal male response in most cases. Of coursse she should have told you she had suddenly started. Why the Hell she didn't is a mystery, and yes, she led you on to believe you'd have sex or she'd masturbate you... and then she got (irrationally) angry and stormed off, like a teenager or child with hurt feelings. This all could have been handled so much better. And for those claiming he doesn't do anything for her for V-day... Um... it sounds like she took total control here, 100% had plans made. If he's romantic 364 days out of the year, makes her feel loved and special like he said (because he learned from messing up in his first marriage) then maybe they have some unofficial arrangement that she gets to pamper him on V-day? We don't know. But if he's being romantic 364 days of the year, that's enough and no grounds for a grown 40 yr old woman to pout like a child that he couldn't read her mind. OP, you can work through this easily though... just politely tell her that next time she starts her period, you''d like to know so that you don't offend her by expecting sex. Easy fix really. And then ask her if she wishes you'd do anything different for V-day, for her. It's easy to fix this. In my opinion, she sabotaged herself and for no real reason. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maritalbliss86 Posted February 19, 2021 Share Posted February 19, 2021 Also... Just thought of this and came back on... Relationships shouldn't be all about how V-day goes. I've always thought the other 364 days mattered far more than just one day. But they can always work out if she wants him to do something different. It sounds to me like she has a serious communication problem. Like she can't even tell him, "Oh sorry, I just started already." Or she can't speak up for herself and say, "How about you massage me now, and then we'll pleasure each other!" You know... use your voice and communication to tell him what you want or need. It's very easy, but if she has some issue with communicating, everything is going to be a million times harder. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boltnrun Posted February 19, 2021 Share Posted February 19, 2021 I disagree that anyone should "expect sex". She's not a performing monkey or a paid sex worker. Aren't we always being told we can say no at any time? And the idea that I should announce my period so I can be excused from intercourse is, frankly, kind of ridiculous. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maritalbliss86 Posted February 19, 2021 Share Posted February 19, 2021 27 minutes ago, boltnrun said: I disagree that anyone should "expect sex". She's not a performing monkey or a paid sex worker. Aren't we always being told we can say no at any time? And the idea that I should announce my period so I can be excused from intercourse is, frankly, kind of ridiculous. Most experts seem to agree that between 70 to 93% of all communication is non-verbal. All of her non-verbal cues were communicating sex in that moment. How is he supposed to know, if she never tells him what she's thinking? It is her responsibility to speak up and let him know she's not going to be into sex. He can't read her mind. And of course she doesn't have to explain she just started her period, it's just a courtesy of letting a partner know she's not outright denying them or not interested. 🤷♀️ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catfeeder Posted February 20, 2021 Share Posted February 20, 2021 8 hours ago, boltnrun said: I disagree that anyone should "expect sex". She's not a performing monkey or a paid sex worker. Aren't we always being told we can say no at any time? And the idea that I should announce my period so I can be excused from intercourse is, frankly, kind of ridiculous. Said perfectly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted February 20, 2021 Share Posted February 20, 2021 14 hours ago, maritalbliss86 said: she led you on to believe you'd have sex or she'd masturbate you... Did you know that this mentality is promoting date-rape? Hopefully you understand that no one is entitled to sex. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maritalbliss86 Posted February 20, 2021 Share Posted February 20, 2021 9 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: Did you know that this mentality is promoting date-rape? Hopefully you understand that no one is entitled to sex. It's never right to rape someone. Are you accusing him of raping her now? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jibralta Posted February 20, 2021 Share Posted February 20, 2021 11 minutes ago, maritalbliss86 said: Are you accusing him of raping her now? This is not a fine point. There's a big difference between telling someone that they have an entitled, destructive mentality and accusing them of raping someone. Come on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maritalbliss86 Posted February 20, 2021 Share Posted February 20, 2021 19 minutes ago, Jibralta said: There's a big difference between telling someone that they have an entitled, destructive mentality and accusing them of raping someone. Come on. It's a slippery slope though, surely you can see this. He did NOT rape her, to even suggest he came close to it with his, "rape mentality," is morally wrong and dangerous for men. Her purposefully getting him aroused by massaging him (he was probably naked I'm guessing... they were probably in bed...), wearing her sexy tiny red nighty, massaging his butt like she was, "kneading bread dough," he said, arousing him... all those things usually lead to sex, especially if done on a romantic day like V-day. This is not rocket science LOL. It's not wrong he mistakenly thought it would lead to sex (because that scenario usually does), and it's not wrong he was confused and his desire for her in that moment sexually-frustrated when she suddenly and abruptly denied him. It would have been wrong if he'd raped her obviously. I think those two things are being dangerously confused. He'd be asexual to not be aroused after that. But she treated his arousal (a biological response he doesn't have control over) like he was a monster for even wanting it! That's the weird part to me... that she didn't see that coming and be more communicative in order to avoid the miscommunications. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boltnrun Posted February 20, 2021 Share Posted February 20, 2021 That is the excuse men who commit sexual assault often use...that the woman "purposely aroused" them by wearing short shorts or dancing close or giving them a back rub (or accepting one from them). I've initiated sex with my partners and sometimes they said no even when we were in bed together nude. I didn't get angry. I was sometimes disappointed but never angry. We all have the right to say no at any time. And the idea that he has the right to be angry about not getting the sex he "expected" is ludicrous. Anyway, the OP seems to be gone. I hope he chose to have a talk with his partner to clear the air, and that apologies were a part of the conversation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jibralta Posted February 20, 2021 Share Posted February 20, 2021 7 minutes ago, boltnrun said: We all have the right to say no at any time. And the idea that he has the right to be angry about not getting the sex he "expected" is ludicrous. Exactly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted February 20, 2021 Share Posted February 20, 2021 1 hour ago, maritalbliss86 said: Are you accusing him of raping her now? I disagree with your assessment that she aroused him therefore owed him sex because he was aroused.. I also disagree with the language that was outlawed in courtrooms decades ago regarding men were aroused by women's behavior dress, etc. and therefore were "asking for it". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maritalbliss86 Posted February 20, 2021 Share Posted February 20, 2021 35 minutes ago, boltnrun said: That is the excuse men who commit sexual assault often use...that the woman "purposely aroused" them by wearing short shorts or dancing close or giving them a back rub (or accepting one from them). By saying this though, you are comparing him to a rapist. This is a dangerous slope. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rose Mosse Posted February 20, 2021 Share Posted February 20, 2021 OP appears to have left the building. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maritalbliss86 Posted February 20, 2021 Share Posted February 20, 2021 47 minutes ago, Rose Mosse said: OP appears to have left the building. If people were comparing me to a rapist due to a misunderstanding, I'd leave the building, too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
waffle Posted February 20, 2021 Share Posted February 20, 2021 On 2/19/2021 at 10:12 AM, maritalbliss86 said: she led you on to believe you'd have sex or she'd masturbate you... Here's the "dangerous slope" right here ^^^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Capricorn3 Posted February 20, 2021 Share Posted February 20, 2021 Thread has run it's course. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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