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I live with my guy friend I fell for, but idk if it's worth it any more.


QueenG

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He's younger then me. Someone I barely knew norr thought about, just a kid from the same school as me. 

We became friends through my sisters, the year after he graduated (2020). He had moved out of home, as I did later the same year. We started as allies in a sense when my sister and his best friend started dating (their relationship was and is toxic). 

At the time I was living with a friend who was the mother of 6 month old twins. 

We got closer. He let me dye his hair, and braid it and curl it and do face mask. We got high together and fell asleep on my bed together. We spooned once.

He was like a straight gay best friend. He had feeling for one of our mutual friends at the time, let's call her Betty. But even know this, slowly I fell for him. 

Everyone's life was a mess, too much to talk about, but a lot of us got depressed. It spread like a desease. Betty was trying to overdose frequently.

Eventually it got too much for me, my roommate was being irrationally mean to me whenever she could - I'd justify it because she had babies. My friends were all a mess. 

So I tried to overdose. I didn't tell anyone at first, not till I found out my sister tried to overdose too later the same day. I was with him at the time, I told him and we got my sister.

He asked me if I wanted to move in, knowing I hated living with my mum and my roommate. I was hesitant, but after my roommate blew up at me over not taking care of her kids, I decided to leave. 

I was still a mess, ended up sleeping around and getting drunk a fair bit - often with betty. I knew I wasn't heading a good way. He noticed it too. 

The final straw for me was me having a drunken three way with betty and a random guy from the pub. I hated myself for stooping so low, and more so for ***ing his crush. Even tho he loved her more than me, I cared so much about him that doing that with her made me mad at myself. 

I told him, and for a couple days he hated me, to a point I resented him. But then he woke up to it, apologized. And I apologized for being a mess, he didn't think I needed to apologize about that. 

I got help, and we both got a new roommate, she's lovely. He and I got close again, we became like siblings. But when we'd butt heads we'd blow up at each other. Argue like a bitter couple, then apologize again. 

 

These last couple of weeks we haven't argued. He's tried to be nicer in a sense. But my feeling for him faded somewhere along the line. He's got so much growing if I ever was to want him again. I can't not love him tho. And sometimes I do still want that special something with him. But for the most part, I just want to forget all of last year. 

I don't know what advice I even want. Maybe I just want him to want me. Maybe I don't want that at all. He's a weird guy in some ways. In a lot of ways really. And we both need healing from mental health issues. 

He's got a few more than me, mental health issues. We've both dealt with depression and anxiety, and suicidal thoughts and attempts. He's also got a mild multi personality disorder, dyslexia and ocd. All diagnosed. The multiple personality thing he's only told me, his best friend and Betty. 

So he's a mess. And I don't believe in fixing other peoples messes, but I do believe in loving people while they fix their own. 

Idk, maybe we'll only ever be roommates, maybe we're ment to love each other as siblings rather then romantically. Idk. 

What do you think? 

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14 minutes ago, QueenG said:

I tried to overdose. 

He asked me if I wanted to move in, knowing I hated living with my mum.

We've both dealt with depression and anxiety, and suicidal thoughts and attempts.

Sorry to hear this. It sounds like you need much better mental health care from a physician, psychiatrist and ongoing support from a therapist.

And some help with substance abuse. Why are overdose medications readily available?  Are you abusing prescription medication? 

He seems like a horrible influence on you and a horrible person to be roommates with.

Get into a rehab for in patient treatment. Find clean sober people to room with. Stop trying to fix him or hold his hand through  his self-destruction. You'll go down with the ship.

Clean up your life. It's possible if you get away from this guy and drugs. 

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I am getting regular help, since the threesome. My mental health has improved tenfold since. And I got medical help the night of my overdose, I didn't want to, but I did. Spent the night and next day in the hospital. 

I agree, living with him is trying at times. But he's also been there for me in my darkest moments. Not justifying anything he's said nor done wrong. He's human. So am I. But he isn't self destructing. He tries to better himself, and does. When he's called out on his *** he doesn't deny it. And he'll try to work it out. He's not depressed anymore, nor am I. But that took time, for both of us. The worst he does now is be annoying every now and then. Like a little brother in that sense. 

 

I have never nor will ever try to fix him. That's his choice to make. 

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This might be unpopular advice but to be really honest it might be better for you not to spend a lot of time with other people who also have a lot of mental health and drug and alcohol issues. You tried to commit suicide and a few of your friends did too and so did your sister. Your life is at stake here and I think your number one priority should be your physical and mental health and your recovery. Spending time with other people who are unwell actually seems to be influencing you in a negative way and making you worse. I would recommend focusing your attention primarily on therapy, taking your medications and whatever other mental health treatments you're getting. 

Regarding your friend, I hate to say it but it sounds like he likes you only as a friend. He's into your friend Betty and not you. Nothing has ever happened between you and he doesn't seem to reciprocate your feelings. If you want a boyfriend you should probably think about dating other guys. 

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This is someone who has multiple personality disorder, OCD and depression.  You two also do illegal (I presume they're illegal) drugs together.

I can't imagine whoever is leading your mental health treatment would encourage you to live and pursue a relationship with someone who needs this much professional help.  How can this person be good for you when he has so many issues himself?

Years ago my therapist told me I can't be any good for anyone else unless and until I myself am mentally and emotionally healthy.  That would apply to the both of you.

I get you're lonely, but you have to make wise choices so you can be healthy.

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Knowing you BOTH need some help, I do not feel anything more than 'friends' is what YOU should be considering.

1) mental health issue's can lead to even more issue's  You two are not 'stable' in the least,  You know this.  And the last thing you need is to get involved.. even knowing your own mentality 😞 ..  Getting involved, with anyone will NOT help the matter.

2)  He is a friend.  To cross that line can/will end up ruining your 'friendship'.  And so often is hard to go backwards - and have things be as they used to 😞 

So, imo... to consider this, would be wrong.

Maybe you two need a little space?  You do some things on your own -as does he.  Your own life/friends.

And you both need to make sure you look into some prof help.  If either be medicated, to stay with that..

Mental health is important!  I know you regret some things you've done.. and I understand anxiety and depression.. I've had that for many yrs.. BUT, thankfully, because I worked at calming my life down, focussing on ONLY ME and had some ongoing therapy, was I able to work through some things and learn better coping skills.  Has been over 2 yrs since any therapy, but I am managing okay again ( I was on something for my anxiety, but weaned off that - am only on something for 'mood stablizer' now.

So, sometimes, things need to change.. we need to work on ourselves.. and the last thing we need is to be involved.  But we need to focus more on ourselves - you do not need more stressors.  You need change.. in your life and to change your focus.  

I suggest you do not cross the lines with him, your 'friend'.. leave it at that.

And take care of YOU  ❤️ 

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Compassion is a natural instinct and I think you're responding to people (friends) who are kind and have been there for you. Having said this, you'll have to draw a line and acknowledge your limits when it comes to romance and other involvement. I think you are very self aware. You just need to realize and practice a bit more of what you will and will not do. This comes with time and experience. You don't have to know everything at once. Go back to previous experiences and reflect. If it means doing things differently, do it. Don't repeat the same mistakes. 

No more drug abuse or od-ing. Look at more support systems if you feel you can't do this alone. 

It's ok to have crushes. Just draw that line and don't let yourself become over-involved or go down muddy paths pursuing situations that aren't good for you. 

Things will get better the more consistently you're able to recognize your limits and pay more attention to what's good/what isn't. 

 

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