Jump to content
'

confused about ex, its a long mess rly


Recommended Posts

hey everyone! i really appreciate anyone who takes their precious time to read this mess! <3
i dont usually post personal problems on forums but im getting really confused with this one and i really need some feedback (btw sorry for any misspellings, english is not my 1st language)

intro to the story : 
ive known my now ex boyfriend since 2014, it started out as "friends with benefits" kind of situation
i was pretty young  when we met(18, he was 26)
didnt really knew what i wanted in life, never had a serious relationship before, so i kind of went with it, even though i gradually developed strong feelings (classic)
I knew he was sleeping with other girls, but looking back at it, i never directly communicated that i wanted a serious relationship and i never called him out on his bull*** directly  (due to my lack of confidence and zero experience) ..you get what you allow and accept, so i cant blame him entirely...we broke up and got back together a couple of times
then around year 2016-2017 it started to be more serious and he even asked me  to move in with him

so here is a brief timeline what happened afterwards:
2016- 2017 - he asked me to move in, it didnt workout because of my dog etc, but we were still together and he claimed i was the only girl in his life
2017 - we broke up after i found a condom in my bomber jacket that i borrowed him when he went to a party
2018 - 2019 - a mess really, texting again, then periods of silence, texting again...hooking up again
2019 - he decided to move to another country to sort his life out and offered me i can live in his old apartment that he was leaving behind (i accepted)
so  i was living in his apartment (not technically his, its owned by his brother but i will call it as his place) ,he was living abroad, but we remained in contact and  texted the first few months ....he even visited me a couple of times around summer, stayed at the place, but we agreed we should finally break this never ending cycle....so we stopped talking

by the begining of 2020 he texted me he is depressed (got diagnosed with bipolar) and he is thinking about moving back from abroad 
(this was still before the pandemic) 
so he visited me and stayed at my place (his "previous place", but i was the one paying the rent to his brother now who owned it)
then pandemic hit and the borders got closed, so he was stuck at my place and still paying rent for a apartment abroad cause he couldnt get there and move out his things
i felt sorry for him paying so much money for a empty apartment abroad, so he stayed with me for free
so we were stuck social distancing together...it was okay at first, it felt like we were in a relationship again but then he started to become cold
his brother then decided to sell the place. i was forced to move back with my parents, and my ex finally sorted out the apartment issue and got his own place. he told me he wants to break things off completely, that he never intentionally made me happy and that we should move on in our lives....i went no contact after this 

in the meantime he got a puppy and he sent me pictures of him randomly...im a huge dog lover so i broke the no contact and texted him back, he then asked me if i can "babysit" the puppy...so i helped him with the puppy a few times but it was very formal, no hooking up, no emotions, so i started to move on eventually....after some time i downloaded  a dating app/which i despise/ but i was bored and within the first two days, i found my ex there, so i deleted the app and felt miserable...he then sent me text, informing me he saw me on tinder, asking me if im with someone... 

i wasnt of course, but i texted him that this is not his bussines...went silent for a while
 then his dog fell sick and he messaged me what to do. (he is a first time dog owner so i gave him some advice) and i also had some medicine at home, so i offered i can give it to him
we met at his place, i checked on his dog and we hooked up after a really long time *sigh*
...after that, he messaged me couple of times , some photos of the dog, then a sext around christmas, photos of dog again... i went a bit silent after this, confused as hell...eventually i sexted him also a few days ago...i immediately regretted it, so i texted him im sorry and i was being inappropriate 
he replied to me: i dont really care, i have a lot of my own problems

so now im even more confused and i dont know what to do...he was the one who suggested that we move on and breakup for good, but everytime i go silent on this man, he suddenly texts me...and when i reply, he looses his interest 
i dont know what the *** is going on anymore...should i text him back? what does the last message mean? 




 

Link to post
Share on other sites
4 minutes ago, wendybalsam said:

my now ex boyfriend since 2014, it started out as "friends with benefits"

i was forced to move back with my parents

 i helped him with the puppy a few times

Sorry this happened. You need to step far away from this continuously nebulous on/off, all over the place situationship.

You are going in circles, it's hurting you and holding you back.  Now that you moved back home, there's no reason to be in touch with him. He's bipolar and very unstable. 

If you want a future that includes marriage family happiness, etc., you have to act now. That means not thinking in the moment, puppy-sitting, etc. Stop trying to fix or babysit him also.

You need to delete and block him and all his people from all your social media and messaging apps so you can move forward and be happy one day.

  • Like 1
  • Thanks 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
22 minutes ago, wendybalsam said:

i dont know what the *** is going on anymore...should i text him back? what does the last message mean? 

This is so irrelevant at this point. 

This relationship has been over for ages, for all intents and purposes. He's always jerked you around, and you continue to allow it. 

Stop replying to him, so you can move on. It's never going to work out with him and you're wasting your prime years on a dead-end. 

  • Thanks 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

thank you for a quick reply

im going in circles indeed...he even addmited he is wasting my youth away once, but still everytime we break up, he pops up in my life again
this last time i really thought i was strong enough but i got myself into that cycle again and there is no one else  to blame but me...its feels sort of like an addiction that im fighting...i even feel guilty for talking to other people and moving on
i was wondering if there is an overlap between bipolar and narcissistic personality disorder, i came across a term "hoovering" and i feel like this is exactly whats happening

  • Thanks 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

im deleting and blocking everything rn, thank you for reassuring me
reading everyting i wrote in retrospect i feel like a complete fool 
i know all of this already but somehow i always come up with an excuse for the situation and fall into that spiderweb of bull*** ...
praying for myself to be strong this time

  • Thanks 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

All this on/off stuff is ruining you 😞 

You do nothing!  You don't look deeply into whatever he msg's you about.  It all has to just STOP!

HE is not well. You know this.. and he's just messing with your mind & emotions.

So- in order to get away from it all.. is go No Contact.. forever!

He's doing all of this because YOU are letting him.

Don't play his head games.  He's being selfish.

IF someone is truly into you, they wouldn't treat you this way..

So, take care of YOU.  ❤️ 

  • Thanks 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

"I don't really care. I have a lot of my own problems."

Does this sound like someone who cares about whether you text back? I'm so sorry this is happening. Please take more care of yourself and no matter how painful it is, turn back inwards and take a deep breath. You slept with him and got attached again emotionally (call a spade a spade). Yes, you probably shouldn't have and thought that you could handle it but the reality is that you can't. So take a time out, a deep breath and tell yourself that while you did something you shouldn't have, you can now avoid making the same mistake and do things differently. 

You'll feel a lot better once you figure out your limits and boundaries. Do things differently. Overcome them, don't keep repeating the same patterns. 

This doesn't mean you have to block him out of your life. I've never quite believed in that as all it's doing is repressing issues and emotions to reignite at a later time. You need space and time and quiet to recoup and recover from the intimacy you shared and all the life that you shared with this person. Be a bit more understanding and patient with yourself. Things will come together eventually as soon as you make some changes and don't keep repeating the same mistakes. 

I would be clear with him and firm that you need space and time to be on your own. If he has any medical emergencies with his pup, give him a local contact of a vet that you trust for example. But step back and let him handle his pup problems. He's a new dog owner so he has to figure out those issues and challenges on his own. You don't need to respond to any of his texts or calls if they're not urgent. Leave anything medically related to the professionals regarding the dog. 

Start taking care of yourself a bit more. This becomes easier bit by bit.

  • Thanks 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Don't allow the guy to use his dog as bait. There are plenty of vets and other dog lovers in the world to help him out.

Remind yourself that we never get any wasted time back to live over again.

Make resilience your mantra for this year, and surprise yourself with your ability to bounce back from this to build a fabulous future for yourself.

Focus there, and trust that good and honest love will follow someday.

Head high.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...