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I have been dating my boyfriend since half way through my senior year of high school. We just made it to our one year this January and are doing long distance in college. I go to school in the midwest and he goes to school on the west coast and we live in the same town in the midwest. Things went so well last semester and we did not even visit each other once. We were both fairly distracted as we acclimated to college life and it worked great. We would facetime daily and keep each other updated, it was healthy and enjoyable. We went home for winter break and I only saw him every other week. (Note: He is a pilot and has been working towards different licenses for our entire relationship. He was going back and forth between the west coast and the midwest to fly.) So, I was sad because I only got to see him for 3 weeks total and was not fulfilled with the amount of time I saw him for until the last time we hung out before he went back to school. We both left for school satisfied with our relationship. Within a month, I miss him more than ever and I thought that was my biggest issue. 

Here is the real issue:

He just told me that he is getting a job on the west coast at an airport for the semester. Fine. He then tells me it is a 50/50 chance that he might have to work out there for the summer and if he does so, he is moving out there for good for at least the next 4 years. Over the summer though, he would come back for a few weeks here and there when I could see him, but ultimately he will be living out there. I see him the last weekend in February because he is visiting and he finds out if he is moving out there in March so this visit might be our last time together as a couple. Should I try and do long distance through the summer? I don't think we would get married but I do love him and I am just not ready to let go. I wonder if it's worth the few weeks of fun in the summer despite the exceedingly long amounts of time where he is in the west coast where I will miss him.  I am also not interested in anyone else and probably would not seek another guy out if we break up. 

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2 hours ago, cececoles45 said:

He just told me that he is getting a job on the west coast at an airport for the semester. Fine. He then tells me it is a 50/50 chance that he might have to work out there for the summer and if he does so, he is moving out there for good for at least the next 4 years. 

Sorry this is happening. What do you plan to do career wise? Are you living at home or at campus?

Unfortunately he needs to do what he needs to do. Competitive jobs require commitment.

LDRs are very difficult. People get lonely and grow apart. Add to that the need to date and enjoy other people.

Set yourself free to date and find yourself.

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What would you be "letting go" of exactly? Words on a phone screen? A video image on your laptop? A voice sent over an electronic device?

Can't you two still communicate without being in a relationship? 

I can guarantee one of you will get tired of being tied down to someone you never see. 

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Talk about it as a couple and see how both of you feel. Did he mention this to you hurriedly on the phone with not many details? How did this conversation come about? You don't feel good about it so something tells me that there was very little assurance or warmth in the delivery. What was he like when he told you this? 

My parents were separated for three years while one went to university in Nova Scotia and the other was in a different country also in university. No emails. No texting. No apps. Rare phonecalls. Just post cards and letters. I ended up keeping those letters.

My brother and his wife were separated for four years while he worked in a remote area in BC and she was in Manitoba, Canada. They now both live in MB. 

Most will tell you not to depend on LDRs. Both of you are going through a period of growth in university and this won't last. 

The truth is it'll be what you make of it and how committed you both are to each other.

Don't think that questioning this makes you a bad person or a bad partner. If the relationship was already dwindling and neither of you see a long term future with each other, this is more of a push for both of you to find yourselves and find more of the path that suits either of you. 

Give yourselves some time to think about what makes sense for both of you. You may not have all the answers right away and one of you may have already decided that it's over. Talk with him over this.

 

 

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LDRs only work when there is a plan in place in evolving to a more serious stage of the relationship and closing the gap of distance within a year or two. At your young ages and under these circumstances, an LDR probably has a 99 to 100 percent chance of failure.

Even if you won't be immediately dating anyone else, if it were me, I'd stop investing any more time and emotional energy in a dead end. I'd assume the longer you care, the harder it will be to make that final break.

This is a time in your lives where the both of your will be meeting the most single people in your age group that you ever will. I wouldn't tie myself to someone I would see for days each year while all these single, cute guys would be asking me out and I might be losing out on an opportunity that might have a higher risk of success because of being local. More dating experiences will help you decide who is right for you and who isn't. It's also good to embrace the freedom of not being in a relationship and just have fun in school clubs, time with girlfriends, and concentrating on your studies. 

I loved my college years. Enjoy this great time in your life.

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9 hours ago, melancholy123 said:

Can you move to where he is located and go to school there?

I don't see a lot of hope for this as LDRs are so incredibly hard to maintain.

I think unfortunately the only option would be for you to apply to a college where he's moving to and study there. Do you think you could do that? I mean, I hate to say it but only seeing your boyfriend very rarely for the next few years is not likely to make the relationship last unfortunately.

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