Jump to content

I don't think I can trust my partners


Quinn1234

Recommended Posts

Hi, I've never really used this..So my partner (I have multiple as I am polyamorous.) has been hanging out with their friends more then me. Their friends have repeatedly slipped up saying that my partner had had sexual relations with one of their friends who i said my partner wasn't allowed to date. They have called eachother babe in groupchats only to pass it off as "platonic" and several other things..My partner gave their passwords to their friends but not me, they constantly avoid questions on the relationships between themself and their friends. Today, they have been on a 3 day call with my other partner after they promised to call me for valentines day. I honestly feel like crying. If i try to confront them about it they turn it on me and end up guilting me into shutting up. I really just want the truth out of them but I'm scared. I don't want to lose any of them. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

15 minutes ago, Quinn1234 said:

..So my partner (I have multiple as I am polyamorous.) has been hanging out with their friends more then me. 

Sounds like the partner is as polyamorous as you are.  Not sure what the problem is as usually it is an arrangement between partners, right?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

9 minutes ago, Capricorn3 said:

Sounds like the partner is as polyamorous as you are.  Not sure what the problem is as usually it is an arrangement between partners, right?

We have an agreement that we ask permission to date someone else. They don't respect that but if I were to disrespect that rule then I know they will scream at me and guilt me. They've done it before

Link to comment
Share on other sites

17 minutes ago, Quinn1234 said:

We have an agreement that we ask permission to date someone else. They don't respect that but if I were to disrespect that rule then I know they will scream at me and guilt me. They've done it before

Then I think you know what the answer is for people you can’t trust. If there is no trust and double standards it is time to give them the heave ho. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have friends who are polyamorous and I know another word for it is "ethical non monogamy". Ethical meaning that the relationship is very open, honest and respectful. If you're meant to have rules in your relationship but your partner doesn't follow them, obviously they're not respecting you and your feelings. It doesn't mean you have to become monogamous but it just means you need to have suitable partners. You need to only date people who are on the same page as you and the relationship is what you want. If this person is not prioritising you at all or respecting you, it might be time to end it. You sound unhappy so what's the point of being with someone who makes you feel that way.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

11 hours ago, Quinn1234 said:

I have tried multiple times. It just doesn't work out

So it is what you prefer, but you settled for this arrangement? 

Unfortunately that explains why you have the headaches and heartaches you describe.

Get out of this stuff. Do whatever is best for you, not a brunch of other people. Think for yourself.

If you are in some sort of abusive cult, reach out to trusted friends and family and get help.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Any form of guilting, manipulation or coerciveness is negative in any relationship. 

If you are scared of losing these people who are unkind to you and mistreat you, I don't think you're ready to date. You're putting yourself out there and a punching bag (too vulnerable) to see through users and abusers.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...