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What do I do


Katie117

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My boyfriend and I have been dating for 3 years now and overall I can say that we are great together. However over the past couple years I noticed that he has been seeing/ hanging out with his girl coworker quite often and neglecting to tell me. Every time I would ask he would lie or get upset and say it's nothing. I believe he wouldn't cheat on me but I also feel now that he is actively choosing to see her and they could be building an intimate relationship. 

 

To give more background, he works in a different city during the week and I only see him on weekends. So during the week and based on his career he has limited options for entertainment so I feel I should be understanding that he is choosing to hang out with a girl that makes him happy. To note I am not upset about him hanging out but I feel his life during the week and what he conveys to me is a lie to protect my feelings and I am starting to doubt us as a whole. 

Also noting I have brought this up and he has brushed it off but it really is eating at me. Do I just be understanding with his circumstances or do I tell him how I feel and walk away from this? I really know that we will be together but this is destroying my outlook on things. 

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Lying and over-defensiveness are dealbreakers. If you feel he's getting impatient with you and has one foot out the door, you have to do what's right for yourself. Don't settle for something so low and mistreatment from a partner. The longer you stay the more it'll erode at your self-worth. 

Unless he's willing to change his tune and be a little more forthright and open with you, this is no good. 

If you are the one with one foot out the door and are looking for last thing that breaks the camel's back, you really don't need that. Look at the whole relationship. If it's unfulfilling already as it is for you, treat it as a whole.

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3 hours ago, Katie117 said:

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 3 years now and overall I can say that we are great together. However over the past couple years I noticed that he has been seeing/ hanging out with his girl coworker quite often and neglecting to tell me....

Also noting I have brought this up and he has brushed it off but it really is eating at me. 

He lacks boundaries and he's also disrespectful of your feelings.

You might think you guys are great together but if he is choosing to ignore your concerns and not disclosing to you that he is going to hang out with this lady coworker, time to be real, you guys are NOT great together because he doesn't care about your feelings when it comes to her.

He's not for you and you deserve better.

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7 hours ago, Katie117 said:

 he has been seeing/ hanging out with his girl coworker quite often and neglecting to tell me. Every time I would ask he would lie or get upset and say it's nothing.

he works in a different city during the week and I only see him on weekends.

Sorry this is happening. How long has it been long distance? Did either of you you move for work? 

Does he have two places? Where does he stay during the week? Or on weekends? 

Unfortunately at some level you know he's living a double life. Add to that the LDR aspect and it's a recipe for headaches and heartaches.

 Perhaps take some time to step back and reflect on what you want in a relationship and where you see this going.

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Basically, you should always discuss relationship boundaries when you're deciding to become exclusive with someone. Because as you can see, it's upsetting when you assume you're on the same page about that major thing, and you're not. Hard to be blindsided. A man who cared would listen to your concerns and have a discussion with you to iron things out. He pooh-poohs your concerns and therefore cares more about his needs than yours.

When you've become a serious couple, the way you once conducted male/female friendships when you were single often have to change. Each circumstance is different as far what that entails, but in this case, when they are new friends and you don't even know her, that's something I know I wouldn't accept.

Seems as though your relationship is regressing instead of progressing after a full 3 years together. He has lied, so how can you ever believe anything he says? Whenever you have any more problems in the future, if he doesn't see it as one, your opinion won't matter. Nah, I wouldn't call someone like him a prize. You should probably be thankful you hadn't married him before find out this important info about what kind of man he is.

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13 hours ago, Katie117 said:

hanging out with his girl coworker quite often and neglecting to tell me. Every time I would ask he would lie or get upset and say it's nothing.

Usually they react in a defense/anger when they are under pressure... But, if it's nothing, should not be any real 'reaction'.. unless you are at him about it constantly.

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