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Am I reading too much into this?


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I'd keep my normal routine of going back, but I'd come off as positive instead of complaining.

It's never good when someone feels a need to remind us of others being worse off--it means we've struck a self-pity button.

This doesn't mean that you blew anything, but I'd just make a point of making my convo uplifting rather than a bummer.

 

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Just ask for his Instagram or phone number so you can continue your movie conversation 🙂

I agree, her expectations kept getting ahead of her.  I think that people who aren't super social sometimes mistake the behavior of people who are super social as being more meaningful than it ac

Agree. This isn't a secret romance. So when he asked for a list of good movies, you could have simply given him your contact info  The issue is you're treating this as a dating situation. At this

Thanks every! I don't have a feeling that I blew off anything, it was just a casual instant reply, and I also think if it ends for such a tiny mishap, then it isn't meant to be. 

My worry is do I look needy/desperate if I daily go there buy a coffee and chat with him? It can be a turn off for some guys? Not sure if there are ways to find out if he is the same with other customers i.e genuinely nice as he is to me. 

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I don't think it's needy or desperate to like your regular cup of joe. I wouldn't overthink it. The running theme seems to be your concern about what he thinks of you or if he thinks less of you if you do such and such. Maybe care less. What he thinks shouldn't matter. Someone who appreciates you and is interested in you will show it and want to spend more time with you. 

I think you would do better spending less time at this coffeeshop in general and meeting new people too. 

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An update on this but nothing major.

Today I visited the shop again and we chatted quite a bit. He was asking about what sort of movies I watch and what sort of movies he likes. He asked me to write down names of a few movies I enjoyed. I was a total loser, I could not think of any at that time so I said "I'll come back with a thought through list". We also spoke about food across various cultures etc. This could also be interpreted as he is quite chatty with perhaps everyone? Would it be good chance to ask for a contact to send the link over? or will that be intrusive?  

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10 minutes ago, TanyaJo said:

I visited the shop again and we chatted quite a bit. He asked me to write down names of a few movies I enjoyed. Would it be good chance to ask for a contact to send the link over? 

Ok, think on your feet. Next time ask for this number so you can text him your list.

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I feel like there could be some chemistry here, he’s flirting with you.   I would continue about your usual routine as everyday and see where this goes. I definitely feel there’s attraction between you two but I wouldn’t go as far as giving him your number right away. Keep things a mystery for a bit and see where this goes. Don’t act on anything yet.  

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10 hours ago, Bella1234 said:

I definitely feel there’s attraction between you two but I wouldn’t go as far as giving him your number right away. Keep things a mystery for a bit and see where this goes. Don’t act on anything yet.

I agree. Since it's not coming naturally to you to exchange numbers or social media, don't force it. Let things go at their natural pace. He could be interested or he could be chatty. Does it really matter which one it is right at this moment? Get to know him. The future is wide open. Enjoy yourself.

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17 hours ago, TanyaJo said:

An update on this but nothing major.

Today I visited the shop again and we chatted quite a bit. He was asking about what sort of movies I watch and what sort of movies he likes. He asked me to write down names of a few movies I enjoyed. I was a total loser, I could not think of any at that time so I said "I'll come back with a thought through list". We also spoke about food across various cultures etc. This could also be interpreted as he is quite chatty with perhaps everyone? Would it be good chance to ask for a contact to send the link over? or will that be intrusive?  

That's great! Why not give him your movie list with your number on it? 😉 I feel that giving an interested guy your phone number suggests him to call / text and set up a date, whereas exchanging social media tends to lead to endless likes and chit-chat.

Even if he were really that passionate about food, I believe he's interested in getting to know you better.

 

ETA: Obviously, with covid, lockdowns, etc this "date" wouldn't be like the traditional dates we're used to.

Edited by greendots
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On 2/14/2021 at 7:58 PM, TanyaJo said:

So, something bizarre happened the other day that actually left me feeling happy and smiling for the next hour. So, visit a cafe regularly to buy things and guy on the counter used to chat with me ask how am I doing today etc. He is always very sweet and I like chatting with him. Couple of days I could not go there due to long working hours, and I was walking past just before they were closing. It appeared that he somehow noticed me walking past from far inside of the shop, and ran to the door to say, "he can still make my drink". Without realising this, I continued walking few yards and not sure why, but I turned back. We both smiled and he asked why I turned back, I had not answer but something told me to turn back. He made a drink for me on the house and probably the best hot chocolate I had in years. To give some background, we don't know each others name or number. We are from very different cultures and being a girl I'm taller than him (although height doesn't matter to me) . I've been a regular to the cafe and he could probably be friendly with all customers - I'm not sure. Am I reading too much into this? Is he also interested in me as I am? 

Aw he is being flirty I think. Try flirting back perhaps? Be friendly and interact again!

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On 2/14/2021 at 1:07 PM, TanyaJo said:

Thanks @Wiseman2 you are always there for my rescue 🙂 but do men think less of a woman who is so forward? And honestly, I do not have the courage for it and rejection is hard for me. 

No way, Men or Women should NEVER EVER think less of a confident woman. Confidence is the key and rejection will always help you find the love of your life

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I feel like this is progressing really slow. I went to the shop today, but this time I had a friend with me and she is from similar ethnic background as him. He was obviously cordial but not too chatty with her and also he doesn't know she is my friend.

He seemed happy and full of energy even at 3.00 pm in the evening. I think I heard he said 'looking good today' but I wasn't sure so I didn't want make it awkward by asking him to repeat, then he said 'looks like you had a nice day today since you look good ', I replied 'I'm about to go for a walk with my friend who just got the coffee in-front of me'. He said 'Oh I didn't know she was your friend, is she from <his city name> too?' ' I wasn't too sure, so I said I don't know

I'm starting to think if he actually likes my friend who is of the same background as him (anyway, it doesn't matter since my friend has a boyfriend and her type is not him). From her observation, she said she could not say if it was genuine interest or he just seems like a charismatic person. 

Anyway, I still haven't done any screw ups, I'm keeping things positive and light. Rest, I'll leave it to the almighty, and I'll offer my number only if he asks. 🤞

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5 hours ago, TanyaJo said:

I feel like this is progressing really slow. I went to the shop today, but this time I had a friend with me and she is from similar ethnic background as him. He was obviously cordial but not too chatty with her and also he doesn't know she is my friend.

He seemed happy and full of energy even at 3.00 pm in the evening. I think I heard he said 'looking good today' but I wasn't sure so I didn't want make it awkward by asking him to repeat, then he said 'looks like you had a nice day today since you look good ', I replied 'I'm about to go for a walk with my friend who just got the coffee in-front of me'. He said 'Oh I didn't know she was your friend, is she from <his city name> too?' ' I wasn't too sure, so I said I don't know

I'm starting to think if he actually likes my friend who is of the same background as him (anyway, it doesn't matter since my friend has a boyfriend and her type is not him). From her observation, she said she could not say if it was genuine interest or he just seems like a charismatic person. 

Anyway, I still haven't done any screw ups, I'm keeping things positive and light. Rest, I'll leave it to the almighty, and I'll offer my number only if he asks. 🤞

Look I'm not into gender roles so I think you should just ask his number and/or social media. You keep posting here which is not a problem but we can't really help you with proper advice because we're not there to observe your interactions with this guy. Plus just talking about it doesn't help make him your boyfriend and that is the goal! Lol I say go for it! If he's not interested just start going to a new cafe or just keep acting normal and going there anyway. If he's not interested start dating other guys and hopefully you can move on from him.

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8 hours ago, Tinydance said:

Look I'm not into gender roles so I think you should just ask his number and/or social media. You keep posting here which is not a problem but we can't really help you with proper advice because we're not there to observe your interactions with this guy. Plus just talking about it doesn't help make him your boyfriend and that is the goal! Lol I say go for it! If he's not interested just start going to a new cafe or just keep acting normal and going there anyway. If he's not interested start dating other guys and hopefully you can move on from him.

Yes! this is a very good advice.Thank you very much.

I should also make a decision and move on but just not sure if 3 weeks is a short or long period to come to a conclusion on this. 

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Agree. This isn't a secret romance. So when he asked for a list of good movies, you could have simply given him your contact info 

The issue is you're treating this as a dating situation. At this point it's friendly conversation.

When you put things back in perspective, this will be easy.

For example, what's the big deal sharing contact info? So? What's the worst that could happen? He likes the movies you suggested?

Step out of yourself. You're already assuming he wants to date your friend? 

Just relax. Maybe you will make a friend, maybe he'll ask you out, who knows?

But if you continue with this imagined romance, nothing will happen because of all the unnessary angst.

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3 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

The issue is you're treating this as a dating situation. At this point it's friendly conversation.

Agree. Your perspective has gotten away from you. There is nothing to "move on" from. There's just friendly banter and potential interest. You shouldn't be locked down by this interaction to a point where you would have to "move on." You are free to keep all dating avenues open, and you should do so.

Go, be free.

Edited by Jibralta
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4 hours ago, TanyaJo said:

Yes! this is a very good advice.Thank you very much.

I should also make a decision and move on but just not sure if 3 weeks is a short or long period to come to a conclusion on this. 

I agree -nothing to move on from because there was never a "thing".  Simply interact or not as you wish.

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I did it!!! It was nerve wrecking. 

Finally got the courage to walk up to the cafe, usual chit chat - 'how are you, how is your day etc' 

I asked him if he saw any movies lately and he replied "No, you said you would give me a list and I'm still waiting for it". Then I said, "I've got the list for you today", and handed him the list with a note at the end to contact me if he needs to know the source to watch it from, ended it with my name and number.

Ball is in his court now 🤞

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Good luck!  This was a perfect thing to do.  He might just be shy want wanted you to show interest and you did by making the list and giving him your number.  I think he will be reaching out soon.  Please post back and tell us what happens.

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55 minutes ago, TanyaJo said:

I did it!!! It was nerve wrecking. 

Finally got the courage to walk up to the cafe, usual chit chat - 'how are you, how is your day etc' 

I asked him if he saw any movies lately and he replied "No, you said you would give me a list and I'm still waiting for it". Then I said, "I've got the list for you today", and handed him the list with a note at the end to contact me if he needs to know the source to watch it from, ended it with my name and number.

Ball is in his court now 🤞

Wow!  Perfect and very classy on your part!

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1 hour ago, TanyaJo said:

So it's been a couple of days and I've got no text/call from him. I really cannot understand men. I haven't visited the cafe yet and it feels weird to even walk past. I feel like a fool. 

Don't worry about it, just have your coffee and enjoy your life. Every encounter with friendly people doesn't need to end in dating/romance.

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1 hour ago, TanyaJo said:

So it's been a couple of days and I've got no text/call from him. I really cannot understand men. I haven't visited the cafe yet and it feels weird to even walk past. I feel like a fool. 

I don't think that just giving that guy your number makes you a fool. You simply let him know you were interested. Men ask women out or ask for their number all the time. I know it's nerve wrecking to put yourself out there but there is nothing wrong with trying. You actually don't even know whether this guy has a girlfriend or not and maybe he was just being friendly. You know when you like someone a lot, you can read more into their behaviour. So maybe you read his friendliness wrong but so what! You gave it a go. If he texted you it would have been worth it. At least this way if you don't hear from him, you'll know your answer. Why spend months wondering when you can start dating other guys instead. I always think it's best to know and if the person is not interested, just to move on.

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