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I made things a little worse. not sure where to go from here


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mutually broke up with ex gf cause of some issue (long story). she said she didnt want to lose me and still wanted to be friends. i work with this girl and ever since the break up, shes made no attempt at trying to talk to me. i decided im going to do no contact so im not even looking at her when we walk passed each other but the fact the she said she still wants to be friends yet she hasnt reached out is kind of disappointing and confusing.

nonetheless, we worked with each other yesterday and i was still doing no contact. i went to go in the break room which i didnt know she was in, pushed the door and she was behind it, didnt hit her but think she was caught by surprise. didnt apologise cause of no contact and honestly didnt want speak at that point. later on felt bad so went up to her and apologised and she was kind of pissed off. asked her again if she was alright and she said yeah so i left her alone (broke the contact rule, twice). we walked passed each other a few more times after but i didnt look at her. End of our shift, she was waiting in her car, i dont know if she was expecting me to talk to her but i just got in my car and left and as i was driving off, i could see that she turned on her car, but stayed there a little longer cause we live in the same direction but i didnt see her behind me.

i know i messed up not apologizing when i opened the door but im not sure what shes looking for. she broke up with me and said she still wants to be friends but hasnt made an attempt. im not going to contact her because at the end of our relationship, i was the one that was needy and kept talking to her. what should i do at this point? continue no contact and let her come to me? i know shes also a bit stubborn so i dont think she will contact me

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Don't punish yourself for not apologizing when you opened the door because it was an accident.  You didn't open  the door suddenly while knowing she was there.  You did not see her.  You've already apologized once and if she doesn't accept your apology, that's her problem, not yours.  You've humbly apologized and it's all you can do.  Don't rehash what you could've done because it doesn't matter at this point. 

Despite her telling you that she wants to be friends with you post break up, continue to follow her cue.  Since you work at the same work place, if she continues to ignore you, then ignore her back.  If she is natural and courteous towards you, then treat her with good manners, be cordial and show respect.  Emulate her. 

Don't contact her.  It's unhealthy to contact each other.  Once you break up, just be kind at a safe distance since you two work together.  Or, if she continues to snub you, then ignore her and just work since that's what you're there for at your place of employment. 

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7 hours ago, tommy2221 said:

broke the no contact rule.

The no contact "rule"? If you work together you can't drag out your breakup drama at work with silly games and passive aggressive nonsense.

Act professional and polite at work. Otherwise leave her alone. Stop looking, wondering, car monitoring, etc etc.

Delete and block her from all your social media and messaging apps.

The relationship is over but save your job by acting professional.

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Just keep on keeping your distance. Don't beat yourself up... Try to keep your focus in the present. If you bump into her with a door again,  just say oops sorry. like she's anyone else. It's not a big deal. 

Dont read into her actions that they are about you. 

Meaning, she could have been sitting in her car for any reason. 

It's all going to be OK. Sometimes people say they want to be friends but they don't mean it.  It's a way to end the conversation in a more "positive" way.  It's more like saying... I don't hate you over this and we are both just two people separate in the world. I won't sabotage you. (smile)

It's not a switch you can just flip to be friends. Usually it takes a long time. And there's some reason you stay on friendly terms... like you're in the same friend group or as you're expediting, it's a co-worker situation.

In time it won't be as awkward. Try not to add fuel the fire. 

Be cool. Let things be cool.... Focus on you, the work and your life outside of work- family, friends, self care, your interests 

 

 

 

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Well, you're already broken up so I'm not sure what "things" you think you made worse.

Or, is it because you're hoping to get back together and you think you blew your chance?

It's not "breaking no contact" by saying "excuse me, I didn't see you there.  I'm sorry about that."  If she were anyone else on the planet I'm sure you would have excused yourself and apologized.

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It just sounds like a bad day, honestly. Leave it alone and don't overanalyze all this. The door, the snarkiness, the awkwardness - take that in stride and don't overthink it. Maybe this is a learning curve about dating in the workplace. If you feel overwhelmed or annoyed overall don't let that creep into your work life. Going forward keep things professional. This means regular greetings and no hostility. Keep the awkwardness to a minimum but that doesn't mean you have to be BFF either. 

Exes don't stay friends. There's a breathing period and healing period while both of you collect yourselves and find your own support networks. This is normal and ordinary. Forcing yourselves to jump to a friendship dynamic is not realistic. Lower your expectations of each other and keep things respectful. 

Let us know how it goes. I wouldn't worry about this anymore. If she wants to get back together with you she can approach you. Keep it even. I wouldn't make any moves towards her because she broke up with you. Just remain respectful of that decision. Whether she's stubborn or not is her character flaw or advantage - nothing to do with you. Don't be afraid to meet other people or enjoy time with friends. 

Edited by Rose Mosse
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During a breakup, I'd consider any talk of friendship to mean far into the future, someday, after both people have had time to stabilize solo and cross paths again with no agenda.

I'd be kind and professional whenever you must deal with her at work, and beyond that, I'd quit holding expectations of how she 'should' behave toward you.

You'll thank yourself for that later.

Head high.

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