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What hurts more, silence or a nasty rude response, or no response at all? Why?


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My ex won't respect my wishes of me not wanting contact and keeps reaching out by making fake Facebook accounts to get around me blocking him. It's making mad to point I want to write out a nasty response. Which one would eat at him more..silence or a nasty response? Has anyone been ignored by an ex? we you hurt

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If your goal is resolution of the issue simply send him a message “please do not contact me anymore in any way.  Thank you and take care. “.  If your goal is to hurt him then please know you risk him continuing to reach out.  Yes I’ve been ignored by an ex.  Yes in some cases it hurt.  Of course. 

Edited by Batya33
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17 minutes ago, MrsWise said:

My ex won't respect my wishes of me not wanting contact and keeps reaching out by making fake Facebook accounts to get around me blocking him. It's making mad to point I want to write out a nasty response. 

I wouldn't give him the satisfaction of any response.  If you have already told him numerous times to stop contacting you, then ignore, ignore, ignore.  Silence.  NC.  Continue blocking the fake accounts the instant you notice them. 

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32 minutes ago, melancholy123 said:

Have you blocked him on your social media?  If not, why not?  Is your page marked as Private?  If not, why not?

What would annoy me is to be ignored, much more so than a nasty reply.

 

yes, I've already told him to not contact me again and blocked hi main Face book account. He kept coming in out of my life  and I was sick of it. Now he made a fake face book account to get around that by saying he misses me and hopes to hear from me, but I think he is just bored and will leave again at some point

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2 minutes ago, melancholy123 said:

What would annoy me is to be ignored, much more so than a nasty reply.

Also, if she ignores and keeps blocking all his new fake accounts, he'll soon get bored with it. .......unless he's a crazed psycho stalker type, but that's a whole other issue, lol.

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5 minutes ago, MrsWise said:

yes, I've already told him to not contact me again and blocked hi main Face book account. He kept coming in out of my life  and I was sick of it. Now he made a fake face book account to get around that by saying he misses me and hopes to hear from me, but I think he is just bored and will leave again at some point

If you've blocked him and made your page Private he should not be able to reach you.  You should start ignoring him now, and that will surely annoy him and he will then stop.

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8 hours ago, MrsWise said:

. Which one would eat at him more..silence or a nasty response? 

A restraining order or charges for harassment and stalking would "eat at him" most.

Stop playing games.

You know you need to reset ALL your social media privacy settings so that only people who know you can see your content and only trusted people can message you.

You also know that you need to delete and block him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps.

 

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My profile is private. No one who isn't a friend can message me. 

I had an ex who was repeatedly messaging me (unwanted) so I blocked him and then reset my profile to private. Problem solved.

I get that with your past with that man, you have a desire to hurt him the way he hurt you. But that desire keeps your subconscious still in the relationship. You can't move forward if you are still emotionally attached to that man.

It's up to you how long you want to continue to be miserable.

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I had this issue with an ex and I Just deleted my social profiles or anything that can be tracked to my name, phone number and 2 email accounts I use. 

If you tell them off, it just makes them want to contact you more because they see that as their control they still have over you.

If you ignore them, but you don't really want them to be part of your life any more, you still have to deal with seeing them pop up.

So others have suggested hide your profile, but if that's something you can't do (I couldn't do that on my two yelp accounts), just delete it all. These days, its possible to live without social networking.

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I would tell him he will receive a restraining order if he does not stop.   If it continues, get a restraining order, as this is harassment.

 

Also, why aren't your settings on private?

Edited by Hollyj
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8 hours ago, boltnrun said:

My profile is private. No one who isn't a friend can message me. 

I had an ex who was repeatedly messaging me (unwanted) so I blocked him and then reset my profile to private. Problem solved.

I get that with your past with that man, you have a desire to hurt him the way he hurt you. But that desire keeps your subconscious still in the relationship. You can't move forward if you are still emotionally attached to that man.

It's up to you how long you want to continue to be miserable.

Is this a new feature? I tried to change my settings to only have friends message me but there isn't that option of only having friends message me. Is it widely available in other Countries ?

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I don't know, I did it so long ago that I can't remember how it works.  However, keep in mind Facebook has made a big effort recently to make sure you have as little privacy as possible (it makes it easier for them to sell ad space if people can find you).  So you might consider taking a break from Facebook by inactivating your profile temporarily.

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9 hours ago, MrsWise said:

 I tried to change my settings to only have friends message me but there isn't that option of only having friends message me. 

Do a quick Google search on how to reset your privacy settings on respective social media.

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4 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Do a quick Google search on how to reset your privacy settings on respective social media.

I did Google that and Facebook actually removed the option to have only friends message you. I believe it's because the companies that pay to advertise on Facebook want to have the the ability to mass message people.

I recommend a "break" from social media by inactivating your account, OP, if you can't resist reading his messages. Your real friends have other ways to get ahold of you, I'm sure.

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2 hours ago, catfeeder said:

Deleting new friend requests is a pretty simple thing to do. I would not engage--at all.

But non-friends can still message you on Messenger.  My ex messaged me in December despite us not being Facebook friends.  I mean, he isn't harassing me so I'm not upset.  But it proves simply unfriending or denying friend requests doesn't prevent them from messaging.

That's why I suggested a time out from social media.

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24 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

But non-friends can still message you on Messenger.  My ex messaged me in December despite us not being Facebook friends.  I mean, he isn't harassing me so I'm not upset.  But it proves simply unfriending or denying friend requests doesn't prevent them from messaging.

That's why I suggested a time out from social media.

Good point. So I'd just delete. And yes, I agree that unplugging from social media is one of the healthiest, most spirit-lifting things a person can do.

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Ask yourself why you want to do the most hurtful thing and you'll probably realize you're just as much to blame for this toxic situation and it's continuation. 

 If someone throws the ball to you and you don't throw it back. Are you playing ball?

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18 hours ago, boltnrun said:

I don't know, I did it so long ago that I can't remember how it works.  However, keep in mind Facebook has made a big effort recently to make sure you have as little privacy as possible (it makes it easier for them to sell ad space if people can find you).  So you might consider taking a break from Facebook by inactivating your profile temporarily.

The reason why I hesitant to deactivate my account is  I use my facebook mostly  for face book groups for my youtube channel. Other than that I hardly use it. As a matter of fact, I temporary deactivate my face book for 4 years some time ago because  trying to severe ties after he left me for the  umpteen time and completely blew me off. I was so hurt and I vowed myself to not get involved again. He had   no way to contact me  and it helped me to move on

 I had to go back to Face book 2 years ago when I opened a youtube channel so I can join the face book groups to get engagement on my new channel. So use it soley for that. 

As soon as I reactivated he messaged me stating that he had been looking for me for years and is happy he found me. This was around the time I told him that I didn't want to hear from him and not to contact me again. Then I blocked the page he just opened. Now here we go again. I'm going to try creating a new page and rejoin the groups. If i get accepted . Then I will deactivate my  real face book

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1 hour ago, MrsWise said:

The reason why I hesitant to deactivate my account is  I use my facebook mostly  for face book groups for my youtube channel. Other than that I hardly use it. As a matter of fact, I temporary deactivate my face book for 4 years some time ago because  trying to severe ties after he left me for the  umpteen time and completely blew me off. I was so hurt and I vowed myself to not get involved again. He had   no way to contact me  and it helped me to move on

 I had to go back to Face book 2 years ago when I opened a youtube channel so I can join the face book groups to get engagement on my new channel. So use it soley for that. 

As soon as I reactivated he messaged me stating that he had been looking for me for years and is happy he found me. This was around the time I told him that I didn't want to hear from him and not to contact me again. Then I blocked the page he just opened. Now here we go again. I'm going to try creating a new page and rejoin the groups. If i get accepted . Then I will deactivate my  real face book

Or, you can just Delete. You really don't need to pretzel yourself to avoid messages you don't want to read. YOU get to control this.

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