Need advice on what to say

[Collard11]

Hi guys

So theres a girl that I used to go primary with which was about 10 years ago. Had a crush on her and told her a few years later that I had a crush on her. Fast forward 6 years later when I went to uni, we saw each other a few times but never really said hi or anything.

Now, where both the same age (24) and I would like to marry this girl, obviously after talking and seeing if we're compatible and have the same goals, etc.

I said marry this girl cause we cant date or have an intimate relationship with the opposite sex before marriage due to religious reasons which we both follow which is why I want to message her, ask for out for lunch or something and see if shes in the right mind frame as me. Took me a while to find her facebook but this is the message ive come up with and id like anyone to ask me questions or input anything thatll make it better

 

"Hey ____ (her name). Hope you're doing well. Don't know if this accounts active but only place I've found you. I know it's been a long time since we talked and this out of the blue but I would like to catch up and see where things go from there. Even if nothing happens, guess it's good to catch up with an old friend. Hope you know where I'm going with this. Bit nerve racking to just say it, especially when you're the first girl that I'm ever gonna ask. I get it if you're not ready, I'm kind of not ready myself but if the right opportunity comes along, then I'm not letting it pass. If you already have someone, then I understand, it's all good but if you don't, I'd like you to give me an opportunity . Sounds like I'm applying for a job 😂but I've never done this so I'm pretty nervous. Only coming with good intentions and trying to keep this as halal as possible so if you're available or want to talk more on here before anything, then I'm fine with that."

[lostandhurt]

Why don't you try just saying hi and talking to her in person first?  Be brave and say "Hi ____, How have you been? I thought I saw you around Uni a few times and wanted to catch up"

If she is receptive and talkative then take it from there.  You may not be able to formally date but it sounds like you can have lunch together so ask her if she would like to have lunch and catch up.

Using FB and that message is probably your last option, not your first.

Lost

[Collard11]

thing is, theres literally no other way for me to get in contact with her. i finished Uni last year and with covid now, Uni's are closed so even if shes still going, wont be able to see her. Also, from what ive gathered, she doesnt have instagram, her facebook is bare like all i can see is her profile pic and thats it.

wish i had the guts to go up to her before but too late now so messaging is the only option at the moment unless theres another idea

[Collard11]

18 minutes ago, lostandhurt said:

Using FB and that message is probably your last option, not your first.

dont have much of an option. any other suggestions?

[Andrina]

I like Lost's suggestion. Your message is way too serious and laced with a lack of confidence. Shorter is better, to get to an actual meet where you can actually chat and then gauge her reaction in person, if it even gets to that point. She knows the reason for the catch up. No need to spell it out. Although when you told her about the crush back then and she didn't respond in kind, doesn't it mean it wasn't mutual? Chemistry is either there or it isn't. People who aren't happy in the present often look to the past to find it, but happiness usually isn't found there. 

If it doesn't pan out, what are your circumstances for meeting women in your age range? Can you expand on your activities to meet more candidates? It's more realistic to see who is free and available in your orbit in the present day, and if there is no one, you will have to join singles groups, or activity clubs, or do volunteer work, or ask friends if they know of anyone you might match with. Good luck.

[SooSad33]

6 hours ago, Collard11 said:

"Hey ____ (her name). Hope you're doing well. Don't know if this accounts active but only place I've found you. I know it's been a long time since we talked and this out of the blue but I would like to catch up

Slow down... don't just throw all of this at her - is too overwhelming!

Save some things for when/if you actually meet up...

Then, IF things do go well, maybe proceed with the other stuff you  are wanting to say.

For now, no more than what I highlighted.

[Collard11]

"Hey ____ (her name). I was wondering how you have been? I know it's been a long time since we talked and this out of the blue but I would like to catch up over lunch or coffee if you're up for it."

good enough or still too wordy?

[Rellit]

You don’t want to write a long message like that because it sounds a little beggy.

You’re best to keep it short and sweet.

for example.. Hey (insert name) hope you’re well? I know this is a bit out of the blue, but I was wondering would you like to go out sometime for a drink or a meal? 
 

[Cherylyn]

Your message to her is too wordy and long.  Shorten it.  Keep it brief.  If you can't see her, then catch up virtually, with text or email.  Again, keep it brief otherwise she'll yawn.  Write:  Hi _______, let's catch up.  Let's meet for lunch.  Thank you for your reply."  Set an appointment, date and time.  If she's interested, she'll contact you and if she's not interested, she'll ignore you or say: "no thank you." 

[Wiseman2]

21 hours ago, lostandhurt said:

 "Hi ____, How have you been? I thought I saw you around Uni a few times and wanted to catch up"

Absolutely keep it neutral like this at first.

It's creepy to ask for a date right away. She'll dismiss you as a scammer or just another horndog.

Make sure you introduce yourself and start with some small talk so she is comfortable first.

In general the biggest mistake inexperienced daters make is going straight to the pick up lines. 

Women know what you want in that setting and will swat you away from her pants along with the 100 other inexperienced guys a day doing this.

She needs to see that you are interested in her, not just interested in sex.

 

[Collard11]

29 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

She needs to see that you are interested in her, not just interested in sex.

well in this situation, we're both religious so she'll know that im not after sex. Rather, she'll probably know that im looking at the opportunity of marriage cause we're both at that age. But i like the line that you gave me.

[boltnrun]

Yeah, don't ask to meet right off the bat.  That would be exceedingly awkward if she's currently involved with someone.

[Collard11]

thinking of messaging her tonight. thinking of going with this so if it can be improved in anyway, let me know  Thanks guys!

"Hey ____ (her name). Been a long time since we talked. I was wondering how you have been? Thought I saw you around Uni a few times"

[Tinydance]

I think don't bring the marriage up straight away though. I understand you have to be married for intimacy and so on, but it's allowed to be friends, right? So just message her as a friend. It's been a long time so you don't actually know if she'll even want to catch up with you. Or maybe she has a boyfriend or is engaged or married already. That's why I think you need to just talk to her like a friend. Don't say anything about romance or marriage. Save that for after you've already seen each other a few times.