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Texting but making no plans


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Hey everyone, I recently had almost the same experience with 3 guys who seemed to be interested in me, asked me out, texted me but failed to make any plans with me.

Now I’ve met all of them at least once, in a group get together, except of the last guy, we all live in the same city, and we’re all in the same Facebook group because of mutual interests (no, it’s not a sloth group).

Guy #1: We live in the same area and we would text sometimes. Once I needed to print out something important and because I don’t have a printer at home (still working from home), he said he’d print it out for me. He then suggested I’d come over to his place to drink coffee and chat. I said sure, why not. Now I wasn’t crazy about this guy, but he was nice and funny, and I thought we could be friends, at least. The day I was supposed to come over he texted me he was very tired and wasn’t sure if he had the energy to have any visits that day. We ended up meeting in front of his house, as originally planned, I had to wait a little because he fell asleep, it was okay, he apologized for falling asleep, he gave me the papers I needed and then asked me if I still wanted to come over. I said no, I didn’t want to bother him since he had told me he was tired from work. I said we could hang out another time when he feels better, but that never happened. He still texts me but doesn’t suggest anything.

Guy #2: He replied to my story on Instagram and we started to text. He asked me out, but I already had plans for the next day, and then we went into lockdown. We kept texting during this time, we both like cooking and he said I should come over to his place so we can cook together. Now that was against the rules so obviously I didn’t do it, and I thought he was probably just joking. We would text a lot though, he would flirt with me, so I thought he would ask me out again once the lockdown was over but that never happened. He still texts me, likes my stories, but doesn’t make any plans.

Guy #3: This one is a different story, I haven’t met this guy in real life yet, we have friends in common and he’s the admin of this Facebook group. He would like my posts, comment on my posts, start conversations with me, and I started to like him, so I texted him first to follow up on something we had been talking about in the group, and he never texted me back. I know this is not a big deal, but he still talks to me in the group, so I find it a little weird.

Now I know a lot of this is texting and Facebook stuff, I think it’s unfortunately normal these days because of the pandemic, usually I meet guys in real life and don’t spend this much time texting. I wonder if I’m doing something wrong of if these guys are just bored. I know I could probably just text one of them if he wants to hang out, but I like if a guy makes an effort to see me. It's a little frustrating when they don't follow through on what they said. Thank you for reading this.

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11 minutes ago, kim42 said:

Guy #1: he said he’d print it out for me.  

Guy #2: He  said I should come over to his place so we can cook together. 

Guy #3:  he’s the admin of this Facebook group. 

#1 seems like a good friend who did you a nice favor.

#2 did invite you but you didn't feel comfortable/want to do that.

#3 probably his job to keep group members engaged.

They all seem like nice friends or chat buddies.

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Thank you, Wise, it seems to make sense for he first two guys. However, the third one is not that active as an admin, it's not like he would talk to everyone in the group, that's why I thought he might be interested. It's okay though, I'm not too crazy about any of these guys, I came here to get some feedback to see if I'm misinterpreting some things.

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Lockdown has not been easy, I've been working from home for almost 12 months and I miss my social life. I stopped using dating apps but it'd be nice to meet guys somehow. I'm sure I'd pay less attention to these guys if it wasn't for the lockdown. Also, some of my friends manage to go on dates so I tried to do the same.

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Hang in there.  Things will start improving pretty quickly in the coming months.

If you weren't socially isolated these guys probably wouldn't have even turned your head a little.

It isn't you, it is the circumstances.

 

Lost

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15 minutes ago, lostandhurt said:

Hang in there.  Things will start improving pretty quickly in the coming months.

If you weren't socially isolated these guys probably wouldn't have even turned your head a little.

It isn't you, it is the circumstances.

 

Lost

That's what I thought, under normal circumstances, I'd just brush it off. It helps I can vent about it here, I feel bad when I complain about being isolated, as I have a good job and I'm healthy , and I don't want to come off as ungrateful. 

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When someone sends mixed signals, communicating without regularly making plans to date, (in the beginning, make a rule that if he hasn't asked you out within two weeks, stop wasting your time being a pen pal and cut it off), then he's just not that into you. He has fun communicating someone who has an interest in him. A diversion.

As for guy 2, he asked you out twice. In my opinion, you should be the one to do the asking now, because he could be hiding the fact that he doesn't want to be turned down yet again. And then you can get your answer once and for all if he's truly interested, and if not, you can delete another waste of time pen pal guy. But as for meeting at his place or yours initially, no way. You don't know him and that's not safe. Don't even let him know your address and meet in a public place at least the first 3 dates. Make sure he's truly wanting to know you versus getting you alone, where hormones are running high and a make out session might have you going farther than intended. People often kick themselves for going too fast versus waiting for when they can know a person and their intentions better.

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Thank you, Andrina, I was confused because of these mixed signals, I know it's not easy to date right now because of all the restrictions, but I see my friends having dates so I thought I'd try to be more approachable. I don't mind chatting with guys, but I also don't want to be someone's' entertainment and text buddy when he's bored.

As for guy #2, I'd meet him in public place for sure, I already met him once but I'm not a fan of going to a guy's place the first couple of dates. 

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I believe folks are all over the place lately.  I have had so many random people start conversations just to check in, to know if I am single and I have done some similar reaching out myself. None have amounted to a date, however, a few are hours (by drive, or by flight) away.

I had a much younger man basically engage in tons of chat without making a formal plan or plans that I cancelled.  I feel like COVID/texting/messaging is making everyone unable to close a deal.

First, please do not blame yourself.  For all you know the guys could have gained 20 pounds, or have some other issue that is preventing them from actually making a date.  You don’t know. I suggest you simply be your best self, and if you are actually into any of these guys, make it be known you are busy doing things, in good spirits, enjoying life. 

Nonchalance is both appealing and somehow a face within itself - just when you give up on a guy they call like a week later.

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