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Married Men Mystery


ElinoraC

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1 minute ago, ElinoraC said:

Yes, I feel comfortable knowing he’s not so easily available. I guess this is a way for me to keep a distance but still be involved with him. Thank you for your insight.

You're not involved with him.  He ogles you and whispers inappropriate nothings in your ear.  That's not involved -you're his toy to play with and dance with and flirt with - maybe his wife gets off on it and it improves their marriage?  Involved -romantically -that happens with someone who is available to date you.  Involved - as in part of someone's life - that cannot happen with this man because unless you are respectful of his marriage -and you most certainly are not -you are no friend to his wife and therefore no friend to him. 

People who are involved care about and support each other -do you really think he's someone who would be there for you if you needed advice, someone to talk to, or you had tickets to an event and wanted him to go with? Of course not -he'd laugh in your face if he even remembered who you are because of course he flirts like this with many women - I mean, assume he does ok?  You're not special to him. 

He's not "involved" with you - if someone asked him that he'd be baffled.  At most he'd say -oh yes - I know her -she's a cutie and you know if I weren't married I'd probably want to have sex with her - she's so into me when I see her!!  

Is that who you want to be? Is that what you want if you ever get married -your husband behaving like this man?

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1 hour ago, boltnrun said:

I'm sure there are other men at these gatherings who you could dance with if you love dancing.

This happened  to be a small gathering but  I also like to dance by myself during parties as well. In this case the wife and I started to dance first then he joined us.

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23 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

You're not involved with him.  He ogles you and whispers inappropriate nothings in your ear.  That's not involved -you're his toy to play with and dance with and flirt with - maybe his wife gets off on it and it improves their marriage?  Involved -romantically -that happens with someone who is available to date you.  Involved - as in part of someone's life - that cannot happen with this man because unless you are respectful of his marriage -and you most certainly are not -you are no friend to his wife and therefore no friend to him. 

People who are involved care about and support each other -do you really think he's someone who would be there for you if you needed advice, someone to talk to, or you had tickets to an event and wanted him to go with? Of course not -he'd laugh in your face if he even remembered who you are because of course he flirts like this with many women - I mean, assume he does ok?  You're not special to him. 

He's not "involved" with you - if someone asked him that he'd be baffled.  At most he'd say -oh yes - I know her -she's a cutie and you know if I weren't married I'd probably want to have sex with her - she's so into me when I see her!!  

Is that who you want to be? Is that what you want if you ever get married -your husband behaving like this man?

Nailed it.

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34 minutes ago, Mel11 said:

Nailed it.

I agree with this view, I’m not involved but if I was to get involved it would be easier for me to go ahead with it since he is married and can’t commit. I am friends with his wife, we get along and we are slowly building a nice friendship. I would like to be friends with both as I find them pleasant and interesting even though he has been very flirtatious with me.

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5 hours ago, ElinoraC said:

 but if I was to get involved it would be easier for me to go ahead with it since he is married and can’t commit. I am friends with his wife, 

So, if I understand this correctly, you wouldn't really have any issue getting involved with him - being his mistress, having an affair with him "since he is married and can't commit" ??  You're friends with his wife .... yet in the same breath you're contemplating "getting involved" with her husband??  You don't see anything wrong with this? 🤨  Trying to understand.

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13 hours ago, ElinoraC said:

This happened  to be a small gathering but  I also like to dance by myself during parties as well. In this case the wife and I started to dance first then he joined us.

Since you have designs on her husband perhaps -if you do dance with her -step away when her husband joins - because, well - news flash! - married couples often enjoy dancing together without a third person hanging around.  Just quietly bow out -they likely won't even notice or if he does, only briefly.

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4 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Tell your mother about the crush. Since they are her friends she's inviting to her home, perhaps she can help you with this since you still live at home. Is this couple in thier 50s like you are?

Yes we are a few years apart, 50, 52, 56

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1 hour ago, Batya33 said:

Since you have designs on her husband perhaps -if you do dance with her -step away when her husband joins - because, well - news flash! - married couples often enjoy dancing together without a third person hanging around.  Just quietly bow out -they likely won't even notice or if he does, only briefly.

Yes, I’m always stepping away and he comes right back to dance with me and leaves the wife to the side or we dance all together and he puts me in the middle and she’s in front of me.

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1 hour ago, boltnrun said:

Are you actually enjoying all of this? Do you find it exciting?

Hey, if you're into being the third party in a swinger situation that's cool and all. Just make all parties are fully aware and are consenting.

I’m not entertaining the idea of a swinger situation just trying to figure out if they are into that or not. I’m only attracted to the husband but she does seem oddly cool with the dancing part. He seems like he’s being secretive when he whispers to me and doesn’t want the wife to hear. I guess sooner or later we will know where this is all going for now I’m just observing the situation.

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9 hours ago, Capricorn3 said:

So, if I understand this correctly, you wouldn't really have any issue getting involved with him - being his mistress, having an affair with him "since he is married and can't commit" ??  You're friends with his wife .... yet in the same breath you're contemplating "getting involved" with her husband??  You don't see anything wrong with this? 🤨  Trying to understand.

My guess is she is enjoying it and will do exactly as she wants and we are wasting our breath. 

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6 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

My guess is she is enjoying it and will do exactly as she wants and we are wasting our breath. 

Totally.  Sad, OP that you're spending all this time ruminating on what her husband is thinking and what she is thinking.  You'll probably never know and it's only relevant if you're that invested in the "flattery" from having this middle aged man leering at you and objectifying you while his wife looks on.  Sad.

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If you get married one day, would you be ok with your husband conducting himself this way with another woman? Would you be ok with her curiosity being focused on your husband and him whispering into her ear? I'm just wondering what your understanding is of marriage or being married and what that means to you. Thank you

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Please reconsider. I know many women that this has happened to and the husband ends up with years of regret and alimony//child support payments living on a cot in some basement. He is married. If he has children, they will be scarred for life coming from a broken home and will resent you for breaking up their family. Little lives destroyed. You must know that karma has a way of handling bad decisions we make that adversely effect others right? You will not have to do anything but make the right decision and therein you will create good karma. If you make the wrong decision, know that when it comes back, that this was the destiny that you created. Please, for the sake of being a girls girl and a women supporting other women, take heart to your good behavior and choices, and don't engage in perpetuating his. You deserve better than this anyway. Not crumbs. Just sayin. 

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6 minutes ago, Mel11 said:

If you get married one day, would you be ok with your husband conducting himself this way with another woman? Would you be ok with her curiosity being focused on your husband and him whispering into her ear? I'm just wondering what your understanding is of marriage or being married and what that means to you. Thank you

I think it's clear from all she's written - she completely understands what a marital commitment is.  She completely understands that he is married.  But she does not care because her priority is.... herself.  Her urges, her ego, her need for attention, her desire to dance, etc.  She's not thinking of the future other than if the future involves this lech continuing to try to grope her and sex talk her.

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22 minutes ago, ElinoraC said:

I’m not entertaining the idea of a swinger situation just trying to figure out if they are into that or not. I’m only attracted to the husband but she does seem oddly cool with the dancing part. He seems like he’s being secretive when he whispers to me and doesn’t want the wife to hear. I guess sooner or later we will know where this is all going for now I’m just observing the situation.

Whether you are entertaining it or not, from everything you describe, it sounds a lot like this couple does swing and that would make you nothing more to them than a human dildo.

If you are good with that, carry on. If you think that you will actually step between him and his wife, you are sorely mistaken. People in these types of relationship have strong loyalty to each other and firm rules in place. You will get used temporarily and either the husband will toss you out or the wife will tell him to end it and he will. Doesn't matter because outsiders inevitably get discarded. Especially so if the outsider is developing feelings or attachments or delusions of "taking the spouse". These set ups only work so long as everyone stays in their lane and detached.

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3 minutes ago, DancingFool said:

Whether you are entertaining it or not, from everything you describe, it sounds a lot like this couple does swing and that would make you nothing more to them than a human dildo.

If you are good with that, carry on. If you think that you will actually step between him and his wife, you are sorely mistaken. People in these types of relationship have strong loyalty to each other and firm rules in place. You will get used temporarily and either the husband will toss you out or the wife will tell him to end it and he will. Doesn't matter because outsiders inevitably get discarded. Especially so if the outsider is developing feelings or attachments or delusions of "taking the spouse". These set ups only work so long as everyone stays in their lane and detached.

I would think if that was their arrangement the secretive stuff wouldn't be part of it.  Maybe she can't leave him for financial reasons, maybe he is abusing her and she's scared of him -who knows? But this person who is meddling in this for her own instant gratification doesn't need to know.  She can do the right thing and keep her distance.  

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2 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I would think if that was their arrangement the secretive stuff wouldn't be part of it.  Maybe she can't leave him for financial reasons, maybe he is abusing her and she's scared of him -who knows? But this person who is meddling in this for her own instant gratification doesn't need to know.  She can do the right thing and keep her distance.  

You would think, but that's often not the case. The whole pulling someone in is part of the kink if you will. At the same time he isn't hiding it from the wife and she is participating rather actively, so I don't think she is some downtrodden abused woman. Either way, the OP will get burnt pretty hard if she gets off on the idea that she is soooo "special" this married man wants her.  Like I said, on par with a dildo. Not very flattering really. OP sounds determined to find this out the hard way, sooo.... the whole discussion is really moot.

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1 minute ago, DancingFool said:

You would think, but that's often not the case. The whole pulling someone in is part of the kink if you will. At the same time he isn't hiding it from the wife and she is participating rather actively, so I don't think she is some downtrodden abused woman. Either way, the OP will get burnt pretty hard if she gets off on the idea that she is soooo "special" this married man wants her.  Like I said, on par with a dildo. Not very flattering really. OP sounds determined to find this out the hard way, sooo.... the whole discussion is really moot.

Oh ok - I honestly do not know -no experience with that interaction.  These are supposedly family friends so I doubt that this is a swinging situation for that reason too.  I agree on moot.

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1 hour ago, Mel11 said:

If you get married one day, would you be ok with your husband conducting himself this way with another woman? Would you be ok with her curiosity being focused on your husband and him whispering into her ear? I'm just wondering what your understanding is of marriage or being married and what that means to you. Thank you

I would not like it and would be skeptical of my husband.

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30 minutes ago, ElinoraC said:

I would not like it and would be skeptical of my husband.

Well yes of course, obviously.  Any way for you to figure out things you can do that are interesting for you to do and do not involve intentionally hurting and trying to hurt other human beings, and really for no good reason? How about you challenge yourself -today! - to come up with one activity you can do -whether it takes 10 minutes or hours - that occupies you, is at least reasonably interesting, and maybe even inspires you and that doesn't intentionally hurt any other human being or animal for that matter.  Challenge yourself -prove to yourself that you don't need to engage in this self-deception, deception of others, and participate in betraying and hurting innocent people while living a reasonably fulfilling life.  One day at a time . And if you really cannot I strongly suggest speaking to an objective third party whether a professional therapist, or a religious figure if that's your bent, etc.  

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