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He’s just not feeling it anymore. And he’s 43!


Sabrina918

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Hi! Female 32, dating male 43. He’s divorced since 2016 with a 5 year old. 
 

Met and immediately had a connection. Some might call it lust. Adult relationship. Talked about past, likes dislikes, goals, values in relationships, our connection that both agreed was rare. Had sex on 5th date, kissed on first. 
 

We might’ve been too sarcastic but 2 months in, after sex one night out of the blue he acts completely odd. Goes on to be distant on the phone and in text. We went to dinner and an hour in he ended things saying “I’m just not feeling it anymore. I don’t know why” what does that even mean?

 

please help: I’m truly curious. I don’t date much, more in long term relationships and it felt like this was just too random. Never heard from him again and know he is on apps now and has been since the ending. 
 

thank you 

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I am not sure why you mention his age as though you can't believe someone at 43 might opt out? 

He meant what he said, I imagine. My interpretation is that he enjoyed the lusty bits but there wasn't a deeper connection for him. It sucks but I don't think there's any hidden meaning here. 

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1 hour ago, Sabrina918 said:

.We went to dinner and an hour in he ended things saying “I’m just not feeling it anymore. I don’t know why” what does that even mean?

Sorry this happened. Since you were not exclusive and both still talking to and meeting others, he may have met someone.

Perhaps he's on/off with his GF, perhaps he met someone else, perhaps he just likes novelty and variety.

It's best to delete and block him from all your social media and messaging apps.

Since your focus was "lust", it seems you both understood it was about hooking up.

If you are looking for a relationship, pace yourself. 

What does his age have to do with this situation?

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Thanks for the response. 

lust: neither of us went in just for lust, I think after our first date and kissing it just made physical more priority and though we waited to have sex it was tough for us to stay off of each other all along.

We actually were exclusive. From 3 weeks in It came up and both of us stated that regardless we had been exclusive the entire time. Maybe I was played? He would constantly say how appreciative he is to have met me, just odd that it didn’t align with his later actions. 
 

Age: I guess I’m just shocked by how abruptly he ended things. First ignoring, then not wanting to explain the problem, then just saying he’s just not into it. To me, it came off as not very direct. I would prefer to hear “you’re not great in bed”

 

I guess it could be a myriad of things. From not being over his divorce, to maybe the physical not being great for him, to who knows... To me it just seemed odd to go from “I never thought I would find this connection” to “bye” so quickly. Far be it from me to question opting out, his actions just didn’t align with his words and he didn’t proceed to date anyone after. 

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5 hours ago, Hollyj said:

Maybe, an ex phoned.  

It doesn't sound like there was much more than a good time and sex.   Be glad that you only dated two months.  

I guess that’s just what’s off. It didn’t seem like it at the time. At least immediately thereafter he was with his child and guy friends or his brother. Due to an illness in his family he was very much involved with his family. Perhaps I was just insufferable lol 

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4 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this happened. Since you were not exclusive and both still talking to and meeting others, he may have met someone.

Perhaps he's on/off with his GF, perhaps he met someone else, perhaps he just likes novelty and variety.

It's best to delete and block him from all your social media and messaging apps.

Since your focus was "lust", it seems you both understood it was about hooking up.

If you are looking for a relationship, pace yourself. 

What does his age have to do with this situation?

Hi! Answered in a new comment. Apologies and thanks for the sound advice.

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6 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

I am not sure why you mention his age as though you can't believe someone at 43 might opt out? 

He meant what he said, I imagine. My interpretation is that he enjoyed the lusty bits but there wasn't a deeper connection for him. It sucks but I don't think there's any hidden meaning here. 

Thank u! You’re right. It does suck. It’s bizarre in that I really felt we connected deeply and so he claimed so it hit me out of left field and felt like a cop out. only other convo we had prior to that ending was about # of kids and he only wanted 1 and I want 2 or 3. 
 

And to go weeks and 0 contact from him was nothing I’d experienced before but probably for the best. 

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He could have ghosted you and left you wondering even more what happened.

It would be great if we all got the whole truth in these circumstances but that rarely happens.  Thing to keep telling yourself is that no matter how many answers you get the fact remains that it is over and he is gone.

Don't put yourself down thinking you were not good enough, he just wasn't the guy for you long term.  Better to know sooner than later right?  This happens in relationships all the time but knowing that doesn't make it suck less

Lost

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The two month mark seems to make or break a lot of new relationships.

From my own past experience, and from what I've seen of other people's experiences, I think it's best not to invest too much into a relationship before that point--no matter how magical it feels.

I know it's hard not to--I've been there myself.

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11 hours ago, Sabrina918 said:

Hi! Female 32, dating male 43. He’s divorced since 2016 with a 5 year old. 
 

Met and immediately had a connection. Some might call it lust. Adult relationship. Talked about past, likes dislikes, goals, values in relationships, our connection that both agreed was rare. Had sex on 5th date, kissed on first. 
 

We might’ve been too sarcastic but 2 months in, after sex one night out of the blue he acts completely odd. Goes on to be distant on the phone and in text. We went to dinner and an hour in he ended things saying “I’m just not feeling it anymore. I don’t know why” what does that even mean?

 

please help: I’m truly curious. I don’t date much, more in long term relationships and it felt like this was just too random. Never heard from him again and know he is on apps now and has been since the ending. 
 

thank you 

It sounds like he was only looking for a quick hookup. When he got it, he probably enjoyed it, probably didn't and moved on. 

Some guys are just too much. They only want a quick hookup from multiple women and move on. 

This isn't your fault at all and you shouldn't beat yourself up over it. 

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6 hours ago, TheEnigma said:

It sounds like he was only looking for a quick hookup. When he got it, he probably enjoyed it, probably didn't and moved on. 

Some guys are just too much. They only want a quick hookup from multiple women and move on. 

This isn't your fault at all and you shouldn't beat yourself up over it. 

I agree but didn’t think a guy would go to such extremes for a quick hookup. It just seemed like he had to wait longer to get what he wanted from me anyways. Most girls would have sex first or second date and not get so easily attached or set expectations. He didn’t. He kept planning dates and wanting to know family and friends. Just such odd behavior I can’t figure out,

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I agree but didn’t think a guy would go to such extremes for a quick hookup. It just seemed like he had to wait longer to get what he wanted from me anyways. Most girls would have sex first or second date and not get so easily attached or set expectations. He didn’t. He kept planning dates and wanting to know family and friends. Just such odd behavior I can’t figure out,

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It wasn't a quick hook up but he may have been after just sex but he is the only one that knows for sure.  It could have been a 100 different things.  It doesn't sound like you did anything out of character for you so you don't have anything to regret.

Sometimes it just doesn't work out.  I am sure you have dated a guy for weeks and then you decided he wasn't for you.

  Don't let this jade you on the next guy, keep an open mind, the one for you is out there.

Lost

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Ok, now the age mention is more clear.

This has nothing to do with you, your attractiveness, your sex life etc.

This is a guy who has serious post-divorce midlife crisis.

He wants to make the rounds to feed is ego and lick his wounds.

You dodged a bullet. Jerks like this careen mindlessly through women's lives unaware and not caring about collateral damage.

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5 hours ago, Sabrina918 said:

I agree but didn’t think a guy would go to such extremes for a quick hookup. It just seemed like he had to wait longer to get what he wanted from me anyways. Most girls would have sex first or second date and not get so easily attached or set expectations. He didn’t. He kept planning dates and wanting to know family and friends. Just such odd behavior I can’t figure out,

I still think it's the curse of the two-month mark. Before that, the hormones are flying high. But at two months or so, the hormones start to wear off and people start grappling with their actual thoughts and feelings.

On 2/13/2021 at 2:08 AM, Sabrina918 said:

“I’m just not feeling it anymore. I don’t know why”

He's not a deep thinker.

Everybody is on their best behavior when they first get into a relationship. They hide their insecurities and misgivings. It's hard to really know people in these early days, and (unfortunately) very easy to confuse mother nature's impulses for a true sense of intimacy.

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2 hours ago, catfeeder said:

What does this mean, and could it answer your question?

I think about it. We’re both just incredibly playful and sarcastic. From the moment we met. I mean at times it got deep about values and what we want and politics and work but on text it was a lot of jokes, sarcasm. 

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17 hours ago, Jibralta said:

I still think it's the curse of the two-month mark. Before that, the hormones are flying high. But at two months or so, the hormones start to wear off and people start grappling with their actual thoughts and feelings.

He's not a deep thinker.

Everybody is on their best behavior when they first get into a relationship. They hide their insecurities and misgivings. It's hard to really know people in these early days, and (unfortunately) very easy to confuse mother nature's impulses for a true sense of intimacy.

So well stated. You’re right. I think I failed to realize just how damage he was post divorce. I thought maybe it’s the ex giving him a hard time Bc she’s known for it but I’ve also heard she’s engaged now so maybe her Dating again impacted him?

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18 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Ok, now the age mention is more clear.

This has nothing to do with you, your attractiveness, your sex life etc.

This is a guy who has serious post-divorce midlife crisis.

He wants to make the rounds to feed is ego and lick his wounds.

You dodged a bullet. Jerks like this careen mindlessly through women's lives unaware and not caring about collateral damage.

You always know how to make me feeel better. Thank u! Like I said above, I think he’s having a hard time with his ex moving on. Oh well.

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21 hours ago, lostandhurt said:

It wasn't a quick hook up but he may have been after just sex but he is the only one that knows for sure.  It could have been a 100 different things.  It doesn't sound like you did anything out of character for you so you don't have anything to regret.

Sometimes it just doesn't work out.  I am sure you have dated a guy for weeks and then you decided he wasn't for you.

  Don't let this jade you on the next guy, keep an open mind, the one for you is out there.

Lost

So so true. I just feel played and almost used. 

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It's always exciting, with the infatuation in the beginning. Things can fizzle out just as quickly as things started. His feelings for you didn't progress, and that is totally normal. You were not the one for him. better to find out now rather than a year and half in.

No one one was used....it just didn't work out. It wasn't an over night thing....he started to question his feelings, tried to dismiss them and kept trying. I think he realized he gave it his best shot, but didn't want to lead you on and had to be honest that he couldn't do it anymore. I'm sure he feels pretty bad about it leaving you like that.

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