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Managing long distance relationship


Anuradha

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My boyfriend and I have been together for six years now. Since 2018 I shifted to Shillong for my PhD while he stayed in Delhi and his home at Bihar. WE make a point to try and meet in between. My father passed away in 2018 and it s just me and my mother at home now. One year of lockdown at home in 2020 with mom made me realize of the hardships she takes as a single old mother and even manages to stay alone for my studies. Me and my boyfriend were suppose to meet in January but a day before my mom was not doing well and I cancelled all tickets and bookings. As of now, my boyfriend is unemployed so I had done all bookings . But he agreed to spend some 10k for 3 days when I would have gone to Delhi to meet. Now my mom is doing good and he's insisting on meeting . But I have lot of work at my home to d  plus I will be called to campus soon. I have realized maybe I have enjoyed too much in life and not given my parents enough attention they deserve. I love him and miss him but I think I wont be able to meet him in this situation. Specially as responsibilities on my side have increased. 

What should I do to make him understand.

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3 hours ago, Anuradha said:

  he's insisting on meeting 

Have you met in person before? It sounds like you are not in a position to date, particularly long distance.

Be kind and set him free rather than string him along with "so busy", "so stressed", "have to study", "have to take care of sick family", etc.etc.etc.

Be honest with him. Most of all don't rehearse excuses. Have the dignity and respect to end it.

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Yes we have met , we have been in a f=good relationship. I love him still so dont want to end. For me not meeting can be handled , maybe not for him.

19 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Have you met in person before? It sounds like you are not in a position to date, particularly long distance.

Be kind and set him free rather than string him along with "so busy", "so stressed", "have to study", "have to take care of sick family", etc.etc.etc.

Be honest with him. Most of all don't rehearse excuses. Have the dignity and respect to end it.

 

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Anuradha, try to reach a compromise with your boyfriend. Ask him to travel to come see you where you live. If he said he would spend 10k on your visit in Delhi then I guess he could spend a lot less on travelling expenses to visit you. 

If he were your fiancé or husband, I would say he is a priority. But I wouldn't prioritise just a boyfriend over your mother and your studies. Your mom and your studies are your priorities now. Boyfriend comes second. 

If I may ask : why after 6 years you are not yet engaged? Are there plans for marriage? Are both families approving of your relationship and prospect of marriage? I know family approval is important in India. 

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