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Introvert looking for Advice!


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Sup y'all!

In advance: Sorry for that giant wall of text that will follow 😅
(if in wrong Forum Area or any other issues, feel free to delete)

Short backstory to me: im 25 and im a huuuuge introvert. 
I only noticed the Pandemic when the people around me slowly started to go nuts a month in or so,
i can literally be alone in my appartment for 2 weeks without feeling lonely or bad in any way.
I always feel like everyone is judging or watching me (im not a psycho trust me 🤣)
and there is nothing worse then being forced into a social situation.
As an example, the waiting room at the dentist is ACTUAL torture for me,
makes me feel like a dog that has been backed into a corner 😣

Im so introverted, i do not have any sort of Social Media and when i tried to get on facebook,
it was one of the worst expiriences i have ever had in my life, that account survived a total of 3 hours.
When i was around the age of 18, i always told myself "uh, the girl i don't yet know i need will come eventually on her own."

However, that does not mean that i don't enjoy flirting or can get into something.
i just feel like the other person wouldn't really get any benefit if i was to start talking,
so i just decide to not bother/creep her and be on my way.
Unless actually picking up on a Clue a girl gives me (happens rarely though lol)
i would never start an actual conversation or even worse, make any move.
When the girl approaches me, i have no issues having a conversation and joking around,
since i know the girl obviously finds me interesting in some way since she chose to talk to me.

Through a death in my family and the horrible idea to start smoking weed while in a bad state of mind,
i fell into a pretty bad depression that i only really managed to beat  1 1/2 Years ago.


When i did, i decided to completely change my life around. 😎
Made myself a few Goals that i also achieved:
Moved to a city close by, stopped drinking and smoking (both Weed and Cigarettes) and startet to work out.
Went from 55 KG(121 Pounds) to 80 KG (175 Pounds) in a year (im 5.8, so i was an actual stick figure before)

The only Goal thats left is to find a partner.

I don't feel lonely but sometimes it would be nice to have someone to talk to
or just have fun with.
Unfortionally, i never had a Relationship (i don't count hookups) so the fear of the unknown is a giant barrier.

Are there ways to date without use of Social Media?
How to avoid being used? Im very open for anything and i fear that that aspect of me might get used.
If any Introverts read this,
how do you tackle the topic of dating?

 

Thanks for your time reading my TED Talk 🙂

RandomGuy

P:S

Im so introverted, it took me 5 minutes to actually send this Post and not just press X on my Browser 😉🤣

Edited by RandomGuy17
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Are you sure this is all re: being an introvert?  I have always been more on the shy side and introverted, but I still have to 'go out there'... especially when I had kids, I really had to step up to the plate.

Maybe in a way that is what YOU need?  Something to make you step out a little further- and stop hitting X.  But, make yourself just do it!

The pandemic didn't do me much harm either, I am fine here at home.. I go out, do what I have to & go home.  I have a cpl friends who are much the same... BUT, isolation is not always too good for you 😞 .. Some social interaction is good!

Which is why I make myself walk the dog cpl times a week.. or why I go out on occasion & meet a friend for coffee.

Do YOU feel you are maybe a little beyond.. or this way for a reason?

I am familiar with the 'dating sites'... is amusing to just 'tour' them & see what's out there & in your area.  No harm in that... and is something else to do - at home.

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32 minutes ago, SooSad33 said:

Are you sure this is all re: being an introvert?  I have always been more on the shy side and introverted, but I still have to 'go out there'... especially when I had kids, I really had to step up to the plate.

Maybe in a way that is what YOU need?  Something to make you step out a little further- and stop hitting X.  But, make yourself just do it!

The pandemic didn't do me much harm either, I am fine here at home.. I go out, do what I have to & go home.  I have a cpl friends who are much the same... BUT, isolation is not always too good for you 😞 .. Some social interaction is good!

Which is why I make myself walk the dog cpl times a week.. or why I go out on occasion & meet a friend for coffee.

Do YOU feel you are maybe a little beyond.. or this way for a reason?

I am familiar with the 'dating sites'... is amusing to just 'tour' them & see what's out there & in your area.  No harm in that... and is something else to do - at home.

 

Thanks for your reply!

Yes, i indeed do believe that i need someone that gets me to go out there.
I am at a Age, where pretty much everyone of my friends has a Girlfriend 
and it just feels weird to be there when they talk about guy issues or have typical Guy talk about 
relationships and i can just be there and awkwardly laugh ...
I do have friends, its not like im that much of a lonely recluse. 

Im just very confortable at home and unless someone calls me, 
the thought of going to drink a coffee somewhere won't ever cross my mind.
While i can love certain social interaction, there are key moments that make me hate it at the same time

I plan on getting a Dog, but due to my past, i don't have a Job that pays well yet.
Unless i can fully support a Animal, thats not an option

Also, and that might also be a reason - I have pretty low self esteem
and don't want to make any girl unconfortable being around me, so i tend to just not bother🤔

The Psychologist that helped me overcome my Depression told me that he is almost certain i am an Introvert,
as we've had long discussions and talks. I've looked into the term and identified with almost all points there are 🤣

 

32 minutes ago, SooSad33 said:

Do YOU feel you are maybe a little beyond.. or this way for a reason?

 

I am sorry, english is not my first Language and this is one of the few occasions that i don't understand at all

 

32 minutes ago, SooSad33 said:

I am familiar with the 'dating sites'... is amusing to just 'tour' them & see what's out there & in your area.  No harm in that... and is something else to do - at home.

I have pretty low self esteem, just the thought of Uploading a Profile Picture is a horror 😕
 

Thank you very much for responding!

 

Edited by RandomGuy17
Sorry if my posts are unstructured, its 6am and i didn't manage to sleep this night
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Is okay that you don't have a gf..yet.  My son doesn't and he doesn't want one, lol.  He hangs with his buddy on occasion, and rather aim at working to get himself a truck :).

Nothing wrong with that! lol.. Is never anything wrong with not being involved... Because that takes energy.. and expectations.

Not all can handle that- or want/need it.

I understand re: social gathering.. far & few between.. do you feel it may be some anxiety?

I understand low self esteem. . I doubt there is anything much wrong with you- maybe just insecure/unsure- makes you nervous?

But you have to start somewhere.. Maybe just look into it.  Make a profile, don't add a picture right away if you don't want to. But, may be good for you, to step out there a little more.

I've dealt with anxiety, and was on a med for that for a good while, I have since weaned off, and now on something to help with 'mood stableizer'.. again is helping.

We all run differently, so our needs are different- it is okay.

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42 minutes ago, SooSad33 said:

Is okay that you don't have a gf..yet.  My son doesn't and he doesn't want one, lol.  He hangs with his buddy on occasion, and rather aim at working to get himself a truck :).

I just feel like i wasted so much time already, i kinda want to speed up things to catch up again ^^

 

42 minutes ago, SooSad33 said:

I understand re: social gathering.. far & few between.. do you feel it may be some anxiety?

I've heard that term, but never really looked into it since i was sure it was just my depression back then.
I did now and to my surprise, the vast, vast majority of the Symptoms except the Physical ones apply to atleast a lesser extend
(https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/social-anxiety-disorder/symptoms-causes/syc-20353561)

A nonprofit Help Center in my country opens its phone line in an hour, i will try to get an appointment,
Might be worth getting checked out for Anxiety

When you take these meds, how did or do they affect you?
Are they purely to enhance your mood overall or do you specifically feel better towards social interaction?
What happens when you don't take them?
Im very cautious when it comes to any form of meds

 

Edited by RandomGuy17
#edit Not sure if this still falls under Dating or rather Mental Health... Can't edit my origincal Post either. If any Moderator reads this and thinks its in wrong Category, i would appreciate you to move the thread
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Best thing you can do is get to a doctor for an accurate evaluation and referral to a therapist. 

There's a vast difference between shy, introverted, social anxiety, general anxiety, etc.

No one likes the dentist or waiting rooms. Try not to make normal situations into an issue you believe makes you "unusual".

There's also a difference between crippling anxiety and simply uncomfortable situations or situations that take courage.

 

 

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11 hours ago, RandomGuy17 said:

When you take these meds, how did or do they affect you?
Are they purely to enhance your mood overall or do you specifically feel better towards social interaction?
What happens when you don't take them?
Im very cautious when it comes to any form of meds

Yes, the link you shared is what I am thinking..

For my anxiety- which for a good long time- extreme-, Dr put me on Ativan... it does calm you down, especially if sleep issue's. I took at night..(now just Melatonin- natural).

I could not 'function' properly at all.. struggled in stores.. occasionally didn;t even get in there, just went home.. was awful 😞 

Nowadays, it is still underlying, but some improvement.. but, this is what we want, to be somewhat 'functionable'.

You said you've been in for some therapy?  Good stuff.. it can help.

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It's good to get support from people who are trained to help. If you have those services around you, why not?

A lot of people have issues with technology in general so I'd leave it and don't overread into it. If it's a new situation, it's just new and you haven't adjusted to it. If you do have social anxiety or fear/avoid speaking with people, maybe talk with someone and address this.

Also why is it a goal to find a partner? Are there other ways of handling your periodic loneliness? I'm just throwing these questions out there - maybe it'll help steer you in a new direction. 

It took me over a year to feel like I might want a fish tank (I do not have any fish nor actually want any). Also have no desire to get another dog or cat. Perfectly happy on my own. I don't think I'm an introvert. I just like the quiet and value my independence and space.

Friendships also go a long way. Do you have friends you can talk to when you feel like you want to chat? I never feel alone at all knowing there's always someone to talk to.

 

 

Edited by Rose Mosse
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7 hours ago, Rose Mosse said:

It's good to get support from people who are trained to help

9 hours ago, SooSad33 said:

You said you've been in for some therapy?  Good stuff.. it can help.

14 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Best thing you can do is get to a doctor for an accurate evaluation and referral to a therapist. 

Absolutely! I had a bad opinion about that but when i actually went for the first time,
i understood that those opinions where unfounded and they helped me allot!

Its also not a very urgent issue as the big thing was to understand that there even is one.
I've learned some ways to combat the anxiety or whatever it might me and to challenge it.
Due to the Pandemic, that help center is currently maxed out.
There are 11 people before me in queue and when they are done, i will get a call. 
ETA is 2 months. 

 

9 hours ago, SooSad33 said:

I could not 'function' properly at all.. struggled in stores.. occasionally didn;t even get in there, just went home.. was awful 😞 

Damn, that sounds terrible 😕
With me, its nowhere nearly as bad. I have no issues going to the store.
Sure, i feel as if every person there judges me but i can just pull through. 
 

7 hours ago, Rose Mosse said:

Also why is it a goal to find a partner? Are there other ways of handling your periodic loneliness?

Lonelyness is the wrong word. I don't mind being alone, boredom is a big factor.
might enjoy going out there doing activitys if its  with a person a love rather than a friend.
I would honestly say i want someone that i can show my love and affection to
and there are situations that are better to handle as a team.
I've never had a relationship so i kinda want to try it, see what its all about 😃

7 hours ago, Rose Mosse said:

Friendships also go a long way. Do you have friends you can talk to when you feel like you want to chat?

They do indeed! I am fortunate to still have 2 very, very good Childhood Friends.
However i tend to try to not drag their mood down. One of em even told me that he doesn't mind talking
about stuff that i might not want to "bother" with and that he can just tell that i don't bring up everything.
I got better with opening about those topics in the last 1 1/2 year though and i continue to work on it.

 

And yet again i have to thank everyone for your answers!
Was definately a good decision to reach out and start having conversations about these things! ☺️

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8 hours ago, RandomGuy17 said:

 when i actually went for the first time,
i understood that those opinions where unfounded and they helped me allot!

Ive learned some ways to combat the anxiety

Excellent. There's medical as well as Cognative Behavioral Therapy as well as lifestyle management.

It does help to apply lifestyle changes since you can make some permanent improvements to your life.

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Anxiety can be managed for sure. While you look into it, check out Dr. Amen's books and videos on anxiety. He has a YouTube page as well. I'm a huge fan. Has lots of tips, and he explains everything on simpler terms...very enjoyable.

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