Can't control drinking

[CrazyWife]

To cut a long story short, I stopped drinking for nearly two years as I was drinking every day and started even drinking in the mornings when I wasn't working. It nearly ruined my marriage and I wouldn't have my child if I didn't stop as my hubby refused to start family while I was drinking. 

I started drinking socially again and it started well but old habits crept up again when my kid was at grandmas for the weekend and hubby at work. Was drinking the night before and woke up to start drinking again and all day. Cue me really pissed and then really ill for days. 

Had a chat with an annoyed hubby and we agreed that maybe i find it hard to admit i can't control drinking. I promised to stop drinking in the house and only drink socially once lockdown is over. 

Problem is i hate moderation and like the drunk feeling. Drinking affects work, my marriage and i am worried the impact it will have on my child. 

Can you ever be a moderate drinker after having a drink problem? Am i just doomed to being the boring one in the pub not drinking? I hate not being able to drink normally. 

I am looking into meditation, buddhism, exercise etc...but i miss drinking. But at the same time i am scared i go back to the heavy drinking and lose my family. 

Maybe i just need to admit i am an alcoholic but don't want to. Plus, deep down i don't think i am one - crazy right? Plus scared of the judgment. Tried AA a couple of times but not for me. 

Just lost and feel is it worth trying social drinking or would it end in disaster? I know i drink to get drunk and always have since a teen. A lifetime of bullying, abusive family and relationships and sexual assault has torn me apart at times. I have anxiety and depression and just started antidepressants. Alcohol is one thing that makes me feel content.

Any advice appreciated. 

[Capricorn3]

4 minutes ago, CrazyWife said:

Problem is i hate moderation and like the drunk feeling. Drinking affects work, my marriage and i am worried the impact it will have on my child. 

Can you ever be a moderate drinker after having a drink problem? Am i just doomed to being the boring one in the pub not drinking? I hate not being able to drink normally. 

Maybe i just need to admit i am an alcoholic but don't want to.

Yes, you're right.  You ARE a full-on alcoholic.  No doubt about it.  100% YES you are.  No excuses. It's a fact which you MUST face so that you can get help, or lose your marriage and your child.  What is more important to you?  Drinking and being drunk, or your child's welfare?  Be honest with yourself.

NO, you CANNOT be a moderate drinker when you're an alcoholic.  Not drinking in a pub doesn't have to mean that you'll be boring or not have fun.  That's just ridiculous (imo).  Ask anyone who doesn't drink.  You can still have a really good time, probably even better because at least you'll remember the night before and won't have a blinding hangover or vomiting all over the place etc etc. 

See a doctor for a full evaluation and get a referral for counselling/therapy to sort out all of your other issues with anxiety/depression etc and maybe also rehab and AA.  Without it, you will NOT be able to beat this.

You owe this to your child, if not yourself.

[gamon]

You are definitely an alcoholic and you need to get yourself into AA as in yesterday.

Sure you can drink in a pub! There are all sorts of nonalcoholic beverage available and from what I understand they taste as good as, if not better than, the real thing. And you don't end up feeling ill for days and you don't have to worry about messing up your life or gambling with your health. Also antidepressants and alcohol don't mix well, at the very least the alcohol negates some of the positive affects of the medication and at worse it can have a combination effect and really knock you off your socks.

 

 

[greendots]

I honestly don't know how painful it must be to be in your shoes. I can't even imagine how difficult quitting must be, especially with all this stuff happening in your brain due to alcohol.

I've met alcoholics, even fully functioning ones with a job and a family. It was no fun seeing how they wrecked their lives on the daily and the harrowing experiences they put my friends through. All the deceit, lies and empty promises. For what - another hit of alcohol.

Are you ready to make a change? Are you ready to admit that you're an alcoholic? I'm worried about you and I honestly desire for you to have a alcohol free future where you're smiling and getting healthier every day.

You don't need to go through this on your own. That's what help is for.  Seek healthcare professionals (a doctor, psychiatrist), join support groups, etc. Then throw away all your bottles at home, give your credit cards or money to your hubby if you have to, say no if someone invites you to a pub, be ready to ditch any friends who don't support you, etc. Remove any temptation.

Visualize the future you want and tell yourself every day that you are strong and will make it. No matter how hard the road. Also, read testimonies of people who have conquered their alcohol addiction. Do whatever helps you get there.

Don't focus on how long it will take you to quit. Just do whatever it takes. If you relapse, you try again. And again and again.

Do whatever it takes to quit. You will get there.
 

[Jibralta]

10 hours ago, CrazyWife said:

I was drinking every day and started even drinking in the mornings

10 hours ago, CrazyWife said:

Problem is i hate moderation and like the drunk feeling.

The problem is that you are unable to moderate your alcohol consumption, not that you hate moderation.

I'm willing to bet that there are plenty of other activities that you enjoy doing, and that you don't compulsively, addictively engage in these other activities. You don't have any problem with moderation, as long as you don't have to moderate your use of alcohol.

There is a lot on the line here. You aren't a single woman who will deteriorate and die alone and be forgotten. You have a husband and a child who will watch it happen. It could take 20 - 30 years for you to fully kill yourself, and they will see the whole thing. 

Your poor kid.

Is that what you want?

[boltnrun]

I don't drink and I enjoyed going to pubs and eating great pub food and having an iced tea or a ginger ale and none of it was boring.  I had fun.

You want to keep getting drunk, even at the expense of possibly losing your family.  And that means yes, you are an alcoholic.  And if you don't get some kind of treatment you will get to the point of getting drunk daily again.

I am allergic to nuts and to chocolate.  I've had to turn down lots of yummy looking desserts.  But if I want to live I can't indulge.  Now, these things are not addicting but the premise is the same; if I want to live I can't have these things.

[Wiseman2]

15 hours ago, CrazyWife said:

Tried AA a couple of times but not for me. 

They advocate complete sobriety. What you can do is go to a physician for a complete evaluation...with honesty about how much you drink. At that time ask for a referral to a therapist.

Hopefully, you're not waiting for rock bottom when you have health, legal, financial problems or your husband leaves, you get fired and (hopefully) CPS takes your child away. 

If you're hiding your drinking who is watching your child? Are you driving like this? Who buys your booze? Unfortunately it's hard to pity people whose party time is more important than the lives of innocent people.

[gamon]

15 hours ago, CrazyWife said:

Tried AA a couple of times but not for me.

You might not think so but it's not a matter of liking it. It's a matter of doing what you need to do to get your head back on straight.

You just might end up involuntarily committed to  a 30 day in patient rehab facility, would that be better?

 

[Batya33]

Agree with the others.  You must also do this for your child.  Heaven forbid you drive "buzzed" with her and/or one of her friends in the car.  For example.

[Fudgie]

Alcoholic or not (it doesn't sound like you have a physical dependence but that is up to your doctor, not me or anyone else online, I encourage you to talk to him/her), there is one thing that is very, very clear here: You are not able to drink in moderation.

I wrote on TinyDancer's post this and I'll write the same here: You know that you cannot control yourself with alcohol. This is not a character flaw or a weakness on your part, this is how your brain is wired to react to alcohol. It is not the same as someone who can and does drink in moderation without issue. It's just a huge trigger for you. You cannot have alcohol in your life, period.

I can sense you're in that "bargaining" phase - "Well, I can have it socially, with friends, just not in the house, when lockdown is over". Do you know how many people (alcoholics, or just those with problem drinking in the past) say that to themselves? It's a slippery slope.

The truth of the matter is that many people (heck, I'd even say millions of people) cannot handle alcohol in moderation. To them, because of how they are wired, it's more like cocaine - it's just too dangerous and too much of a slippery slope. You have your family at stake.

Yes, getting a bit drunk can feel pretty good, absolutely, and this is coming from someone who drinks moderately (once a week or so, sometimes less). Will you miss it? Yes, you may, for a time, maybe always. But getting to have that feeling once in a while risks you falling into alcoholism and losing your family. Your current life and level of functioning is not compatible with alcohol use.

You are not going to be a "boring" person at the bar. There are other ways to let loose and have fun. You need to find other ways to pamper and treat yourself. 

I don't even think you necessarily need AA; I understand it's not for everyone. But you need to make a commitment to no alcohol ever and hold yourself to that. Does your husband drink? Given the situation, I think he should either commit having no alcohol in the house for either of you OR, if he has a little something, he needs to keep it locked up from you/hidden/not consume in front of you. 

Sobriety is on the rise for sure. There are many "virgin" cocktails out there, and even some alcohol-less liquors on the market for these. You can still go out with friends in the future and have a nice time, and you won't be sipping on water either, you can have a "drink". But alcohol is not something you can control and that's something you'll need to accept. 

[CrazyWife]

Ok. Thank you for your advice.

[CrazyWife]

Update - After much soul searching and realising both me and my family deserve better, I have decided to stop drinking for good. 

I admit i was very dismissive if the advice on here when i was first hearing it but now I realise you guys were right. Thank you xxx

[greendots]

CrazyWife, that's great to hear! Wishing you all the best. 🙂

[Hollyj]

I don't know why you equate not being able to drink with being "boring?"  I don't always drink and have several friends who don't enjoy it or have an allergy to alcohol.   We can have a lot of fun.  Time to get out of the mindset that you can't have a good time without alcohol. 

Time to get evaluated and deal with your problem.  Time to cut it out completely.  And, you should not be mixing liquor with alcohol.

[CrazyWife]

42 minutes ago, Hollyj said:

I don't know why you equate not being able to drink with being "boring?"  I don't always drink and have several friends who don't enjoy it or have an allergy to alcohol.   We can have a lot of fun.  Time to get out of the mindset that you can't have a good time without alcohol. 

Time to get evaluated and deal with your problem.  Time to cut it out completely.  And, you should not be mixing liquor with alcohol.

I have stopped drinking. See my update above.

[lostandhurt]

My father was an alcoholic and did well when he was clean and sober.  He was able to abstain from drinking at all for long periods of time.  During these times his health, outlook and even his vision improved so there were a lot of positive things to encourage him to stay sober.  Unfortunately he would either think he had it (alcohol) under control or something stressful would happen and he would just have few.  Of course a few turned into a few to many and he was right back to where he was before.  

 I am telling you this because what you are embarking on is a journey and like many journeys there are bumps in the road.  How you handle those bumps and challenges will dictate your success.  You may stumble along the way but if you get back up and get back to what you know you have to do then you will be just fine.

  Binge drinking, not having an off button or full on alcoholism if it is ruining your life, your health, your marriage and your parenting then you cannot drink alcohol at all.  What you label it doesn't matter, what you do about it is what matters.

  I am happy for you and your family.  This will not be easy but well worth it. 

Best wishes

 Lost

[Hollyj]

4 hours ago, CrazyWife said:

I have stopped drinking. See my update above.

Great news!

I meant liquor with meds.

[Fudgie]

I am really happy for you and proud of you. This is a big decision to have made and many people never get to the point where you're at: realizing that you can't control your alcohol consumption and you really need to go cold turkey. You can do this.