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Did I mess it up? He suddenly ignores me..


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This.  All of it.  I  really feel like I need to comment on this.  I don't date anymore, because I'm married now, but I was pretty cautious back when I did.  I didn't live in fear of serial killers or

Excellent. Update so we know you weren't hacked to pieces and put through a woodchipper.😉

It's a sad sad day when one gets to the point of believing every guy looking for a date is a rapist and murderer.  How on earth does anyone date anymore?  Obviously all women should be cautious but wo

Hey, I'm here for an update.

I'm a bit sad or disappointed. We agreed to not meet because of the hard lockdown and the cold weather (he lives 50 min away from my city). That's totally fine. Last weekend it got a lot warmer and sunny - but he didn't contact me at all..since 5 days. Before that, he told me he has a new project at work and will be busy. But come on..a man who has interest WILL make time. Especially on the weekend. He will at least text, it's no effort. 

Knowing that, I just feel sad. All my insecurities came up. He lost his interest in me because I'm too shy and not pretty enough and he met someone else who isn't shy and is beautiful. Of course this must be the reason 😉 Being busy is just an excuse to exit..

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1 hour ago, Marie29 said:

.We agreed to not meet because of the hard lockdown and the cold weather he lives 50 min away from my city.

Sorry to hear that. Since you haven't met and are still talking to and meeting others, he may have found someone more local.

That's fine. It has nothing to do with you because you two never met.

Now he can put someone else through the woodchipper.

Just move forward and start talking to and meeting more local men.

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2 hours ago, Marie29 said:

All my insecurities came up. He lost his interest in me because I'm too shy and not pretty enough and he met someone else who isn't shy and is beautiful. Of course this must be the reason 😉 Being busy is just an excuse to exit..

Well, it almost certainly has nothing to do with you, your prettiness, your shyness, or your value as a human being.

Most likely, he is an opportunist and goes with whatever's easiest. When he couldn't close the deal with you at the third date, he lost interest. That simple.

What probably happened is he started looking for other people to netflix and chill with (or to hack into pieces). And he probably found some.

You were not interested in going to his apartment because you weren't comfortable. That's not insecurity. That's respecting your own feelings.

If you were insecure, you would have gone to his place despite your feelings. Don't be desperate.

 

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2 hours ago, Marie29 said:

He lost his interest in me because I'm too shy and not pretty enough and he met someone else who isn't shy and is beautiful. 

Where the heck do you find these people? I mean you have to be a complete a**hole to say things like that....

I am genuinely surprised, I don't meet people like this in real life... 

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1 hour ago, dias said:

Where the heck do you find these people? I mean you have to be a complete a**hole to say things like that....

I am genuinely surprised, I don't meet people like this in real life... 

No that was in her head, not what he said to her -this is how I read it.  Yes being busy is just an excuse and I'm sorry and I'm sorry you've chosen to react by telling yourself negative stuff about yourself.  He barely knows you and you barely know him.  Many people don't go out on more than a few dates with a person before deciding they're not compatible- nothing personal.  I'm sorry you're disappointed.

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26 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

No that was in her head, not what he said to her -this is how I read it.  Yes being busy is just an excuse and I'm sorry and I'm sorry you've chosen to react by telling yourself negative stuff about yourself.  He barely knows you and you barely know him.  Many people don't go out on more than a few dates with a person before deciding they're not compatible- nothing personal.  I'm sorry you're disappointed.

Yes I misread...😁

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Yes, this is just in my head😁 He said nothing.

I can not believe it..😑 We had a connection, I could see it in his body language, eyes and words. We talked a looot in person and over text, he seemed soo interested, asked so many questions about me and my life, got in deeper conversations with me, told me about his life, family, past, blah. Why all this. Just to find easier options near him, wow. Life sucks😂

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20 minutes ago, Marie29 said:

Why all this. Just to find easier options near him, wow.

Some people are so desperate for sex that they will pretty much do, be, or say anything to get it. Don't bother trying to understand. It's not logical. Their rational minds have been overcome. All you have to to is watch out for them. 

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I'm sorry you're hurting. 

Just to offer a different perspective, I don't think peace is going to come from swinging from one pole (you being too shy, not pretty enough) to another (him being another sexual opportunist, etc.). Both of those are just extensions of very human insecurities. Fanning them rarely brings down the pulse. Two negative charges do not combine to create positivity. 

Most people you date and connect with will not lead to much. This is just the fact of dating—the sour edge of what makes the sweetness (sustained connection) so special. So whether he got a little spooked by that earlier exchange, ended up meeting someone else, is dealing with some life stuff that you don't know about, or whatever—well, it's really not important, certainly not a verdict on you. Just the way it sometimes goes. 

Sorry again. You are awesome. This guy, and this disappointing moment, does not alter that fact. Challenge yourself to meet your negative thoughts with thoughts like that and, who knows, you may find yourself able to let go of this moment without too much strife.  

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2 hours ago, Marie29 said:

Yes, this is just in my head😁 He said nothing.

I can not believe it..😑 We had a connection, I could see it in his body language, eyes and words. We talked a looot in person and over text, he seemed soo interested, asked so many questions about me and my life, got in deeper conversations with me, told me about his life, family, past, blah. Why all this. Just to find easier options near him, wow. Life sucks😂

Many people have initial "connections"  - please don't assume it means the person wants to go on another date or is available to date.  Life doesn't suck at all -this is a good thing -you move on, when one door closes another opens. Watch the feet -what the person does -more than the lips -what he says.  I once had a three hour first meet with "deep" conversation.  Then he asked me if he could go food shopping with me -I let him walk me part of the way home.  I laughed and told him that I didn't shop on the first date and was completely enthusiastic about seeing him again. He never called. We totally had a connection.  He totally wasn't interested enough to date me.  Both things were true -makes perfect sense despite being a disappointment.  But I never ever expected that someone wanted to date me until he asked me out for a time/place in advance - until then he was off the radar.  This guy invited you to hang out and hook up basically and on reflection he realized his priority was being alone with you to have sex and he didn't want to have more dates in public.  His perogative and makes you two incompatible.

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