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Did I mess it up? He suddenly ignores me..


Marie29
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On 2/10/2021 at 6:51 PM, Marie29 said:

I said it sounds so good, but I can not come to his place this early. I joked about there is still a tiny chance he could be a murderer. (It was just a joke..)

I told him I am shy and I don't trust people fast, because the nicest guy can be a bad one and I made a bad experience in the past.

Where I live, making a joke that he could be a murderer is honestly not a big deal.

I have also learned that what passes for humor changes from place to place.

On 2/10/2021 at 6:51 PM, Marie29 said:

He said he understands, but it gives him a bad feeling that I seem to be afraid or think he is not a good guy. He just wants to get to know me.

I can understand if he doesn't share the same sense of humor as you. But what I don't like is that you told him you had a bad past experience and he's still trying to guilt trip you.

If he really cared about your feelings, he'd say, "Sorry to hear that. The invitation is open when you feel comfortable."

He wouldn't dismiss your concerns as invalid or offensive. He would understand that you needed a little time.

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On 2/11/2021 at 11:10 AM, Marie29 said:

Oh! He contacted me again, I didn't expect this, lol. And to my surprise - extremely positive. Yes, it was overkill but he wrote a humourous, funny, polite and understanding text to me. And something like "Wait and I'll show you that I'm not some psycho-murderer :)" I'm so relieved but of course I will not forget what I learned from you here! Thank you all😃 Level up.

Has he taken the pressure off, or are you going over there?

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On 2/11/2021 at 11:10 AM, Marie29 said:

He contacted me again, I didn't expect this, lol. And to my surprise - extremely positive. Yes, it was overkill but he wrote a humourous, funny, polite and understanding text to me. And something like "Wait and I'll show you that I'm not some psycho-murderer :)" 

Excellent. Update so we know you weren't hacked to pieces and put through a woodchipper.😉

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I would have said a simple "I'm not comfortable going to your home just yet.  Can we meet to pick up a coffee and then go for a walk at the Botanic Garden/local park/waterfront?"  If he pushed and asked why you're not comfortable or if any "bad things" have happened to you in the past, a simple "It's just not something I am ready to do just yet.  I hope you can respect that."

No need to bring up "bad things" or murderers or rapists.

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On 2/11/2021 at 6:29 AM, Marie29 said:

Haha, Wiseman has a point 🙂 It's  true and I understand that I came off as too difficult and strange. Even if I was clearly just joking about it and didn't say he could be a murderer seriously. It showed I'm too emotional, shy and not ready. I see that now so thanks for another opinion. 

 

On 2/11/2021 at 1:39 AM, Cherylyn said:

Note OP Marie29's, "nice guy" never bothered to contact her again after she declined to a date inside his apartment.  He suddenly lost interest in her which says a lot.

Sorry, I don't quite agree with you either.  Unfortunately, I have a few girlfriends who've been victims of date rape after they thought they knew the guy from social settings and being with them in public several times.  Granted, not all apartment encounters end up in date rape but unfortunately, it happens more often than we care to realize because you cannot prove it which is the problem.  All you can do is live with it after the fact.

I have one girlfriend who thought she was invited to a guy's apartment for a coffee chat.  Apparently, he had other designs in mind which caught her totally off guard.  She was able to escape the lech by running around his apartment, run around the couch, run around his living room, jump on the bed, leap off the bed and out the door with her very life!  She told me that she trusted the guy because he was soft spoken and kind at lectures on their college campus.  She was in for a rude awakening.   

I'm glad you are capable of handling yourself.  Not everyone is so lucky and fortune as you.  Some men physically over power and not all women are capable of fleeing. 

It's better to be aware of being vulnerable, at the wrong place at the wrong time with the wrong man.  Naivete gets women into trouble.  Date rape is avoidable and preventable if women err on the side of caution.

Better safe than sorry. 

 

It's great to admit your faults and grow from it. 

Cherylyn, you are pathetic to accuse a man of being a rapist just because he didn't want to date them any longer. You are what's wrong with society. 

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On 2/11/2021 at 11:15 AM, reinventmyself said:

There are two points going on here.

Do not go to someone's home if you aren't ready and or don't feel safe.

It's not really debatable.

The second is to not lecture a date on how evil the world is and infer that accepting (what might have otherwise been a perfectly innocent evening) might put her in peril.

You don't know.  The point I was making was that she was well within her rights to decline the date.

We will never know why he didn't call.  He could have wanted sex, he could have been put off by the world is mean to me lecture.  

My advice was to just find a better way to decline the invitation that came from a place of confidence and not fear.  That would save her from wondering if it were her choice of words that scared him off.  Personally, if someone said those things to me, I might think twice about continuing to see them. 

If he didn't call back because he wanted sex, then good riddance. I wouldn't waste a flat second giving him any further thought.

You or no one here knows if he was looking for sex. Why does every man have to be a sex thirsty pervert in the eyes of some women? Is that a way for you all to feel desired? He could have just wanted privacy. Not being out in public in the midst of a pandemic,  wearing a mask on a date. It's not cute.

You all jump to conclusions that he wanted sex, may date rape her, he's weird, etc. Etc. But no one is mentioning how bizarre she came off by passive aggressively telling a guy that he might be a murderer?? That's an insult and no sane guy with self respect would put up with that.

Yes, she has the right to deny going to a guys house after the 2nd date and he also have the right to ignore her for insulting him and bringing up unnecessary drama. A simple no would be just fine. 

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here's an entirely different way to look at it.  Maybe he wanted sex.   Does that make him a dangerous rapist?   A lot of people have sex and have consensual sex on the first date.  It may very well be a compliment under the right circumstances. 

And if he was looking for (shudder) casual sex, then it just makes them nothing more than two people looking for different things.  There are a lot people doing it so it shouldn't be a shock to anyone.

No villains or victims here.

Post divorce I was afraid to date.  I went to therapy and my therapist was a man my age.  I was venting all my fears about scary men and men who might want to have sex with me. 

It was a funny moment when my therapist looked at me and responded "Duh!!"   "Humans seek connection and love sex and if you are woman, especially an attractive one, the thought will likely cross a mans mind"   

It put things in perspective and did make me laugh.

 

Edited by reinventmyself
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23 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Agree. Women would be lot safer cloistered away in convents than even attempt dating with all the Ted Bundys out there.

Nonsense. Is it possible you're walking back from a store and get assaulted, sure. Is it possible someone spikes a drink in a club, sure.

Is it possible that on a third date he may hope to have sex, sure.

So what is the solution during a pandemic in 2021?

Cheryl it's a pandemic, it not a tv show about serial killers. You believe in the pandemic, no?

Women NEED to err on the side of caution or get into unnecessary, preventable, avoidable trouble.  Women have to think ahead, plan ahead and know how to be careful out there for obvious reasons.  Pandemic or no pandemic, crimes are the same and will never change no matter where you live.  As a woman, you don't simply go into a man's apartment or invite him into your home when you don't know him that well yet.  It's reckless and foolhardy. 

The solution during this pandemic is still meeting in a safe public place with protocols. 

You don't know what you're talking about until you become a victim of rape, date rape, sexual assault, sexual harassment, sexual abuse, etc. Or, your loved ones, family, friends, acquaintances.  Live and learn. 

My husband said that there were a lot of unreported campus rapes in dorms,  apartments, houses, fraternities (with private rooms) and he knows because these victims were his friends.  Campus escort police was created for this rampant problem. 

The only time you will realize that this type of crime is a serious, real problem and not a joke is if you or your loved ones were PAINFULLY and personally traumatized.  You do not know the level of lifelong, very real mental anguish these types of crimes cause.  Until then, continue making jokes and mockeries at a victim's expense because you are very talented and gifted at it ~ by all means keep it coming. 

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5 hours ago, TheEnigma said:

 

It's great to admit your faults and grow from it. 

Cherylyn, you are pathetic to accuse a man of being a rapist just because he didn't want to date them any longer. You are what's wrong with society. 

Again, I've said not all men are bad.  I said to err on the side of caution IF you don't know a man that well yet and don't invite him into your apartment and don't go into his apartment either IF YOU DON'T KNOW HIM THAT WELL YET.

Unfortunately, when my friends were young and naive, they entered a man's apartment when they did not know him that well yet and unfortunately, they were victims of horrendous date rape.  It happens more often than you know. 

Granted, date rapes are not committed all the time but there's nothing wrong with playing it safe either.  It pays to be cautious with men whom you don't know that well yet.  It pays to build trust with anybody otherwise you're really dealing with STRANGERS. 

There are no accusations here; just prevention which is key. 

 

Edited by Cherylyn
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I just wanted to update, that I will NOT go to his place, I will of course stick to my boundaries, haha. His understanding and humourous texts after my overkill speech will not change this😁 But his reaction made me happy. I really thought he won't contact me again and I nearly thought he was a jerk who just wanted sex. But seems like he is not. Of course I don't know that, but I'm looking forward getting to know him. 

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5 minutes ago, Marie29 said:

I just wanted to update, that I will NOT go to his place, I will of course stick to my boundaries, haha. His understanding and humourous texts after my overkill speech will not change this😁 But his reaction made me happy. I really thought he won't contact me again and I nearly thought he was a jerk who just wanted sex. But seems like he is not. Of course I don't know that, but I'm looking forward getting to know him. 

You are very smart for NOT going to his apartment 1:1.  You are very smart for enforcing healthy boundaries which I've said all along and my words were distorted and twisted ~ no surprise here on this forum.

Always observe a man's character because the quality of a man's character is the difference between a keeper and a jerk worth dumping within a second.  Rejects are easy to find and commonplace.  Moral men are a needle in a haystack. 

I'm glad you are playing it safe by listening and heeding your instincts which is the reason it exists in the first place. 

Edited by Cherylyn
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6 hours ago, Marie29 said:

I just wanted to update, that I will NOT go to his place, I will of course stick to my boundaries, haha. His understanding and humourous texts after my overkill speech will not change this😁 But his reaction made me happy. I really thought he won't contact me again and I nearly thought he was a jerk who just wanted sex. But seems like he is not. Of course I don't know that, but I'm looking forward getting to know him. 

Thanks for the update Marie29, but I’m greedy and curious! Let us know if you actually go on this next date and whether he keeps just getting to know you, or suggests going to his again. The proof is in the pudding! And good luck 😁

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Haha Lunar, I can understand that :D I'm always curious too. I will keep you updated here! Right now it's just texting between the two of us, because it's too cold outside and we have no idea what to do. Everything here is closed and I mean EVERYTHING, haha. So no movies, no nothing. 

By the way, even if I can not answer to every message here, I read everything and I'm thankful for that 🙂 Happy I found this page.

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Thank you for the update, and I'm glad to hear that he contacted you.

I think you made a good decision not to go to his place, regardless of your reason(s), because it was the right choice for you.

If I'd take anything from the experience, it would be to adopt more confidence in that being the only thing you ever really need to 'splain to anyone--about almost anything.

If someone is worth your time, in terms of dating or a friendship, he or she will respect such a simple explanation at face value. This translates to nixing an invitation that's at the wrong time, the wrong place, or just not right for you for any reason.

Practice getting comfortable saying, "That's not good for me. How about if I come back to you with something more workable?"

No need to over compensate by rolling into a discussion that depicts anyone as a potential villain.

Hah! I mean, that wasn't horrible given the humor you used, but it's just a good life skill to grow more comfortable saying 'no' ...to ANYthing... and asking for some time to come back with an alternative.

Head high, and fingers crossed for a good match for you. EnjOy!

 

 

 

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I'm happy to hear he contacted you. I don't know if this helps, but I was in a very similar situation in December, this guy I never met asked me to hang out at his place (I just realized I didn't mention him in my latest thread, so this is guy #4 haha). We had some friends in common, but I usually prefer meeting a public place for at least the first 2 dates. I just told him I wasn't comfortable coming over to his house, he was very chill about it and suggested a walk. instead. I didn't explain why I wasn't comfortable but he understood. Maybe it's also cultural, we're both Eastern European and very straightforward haha.

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Whenever you decline invitations to a man's apartment because you don't know him that well yet and he's practically still very much a stranger, you don't need to explain why your answer is no.  Just decline by saying, "No thank you."  He should respect your answer and decision and leave it at that. 

There are plenty of other places to meet such as meeting for lunch, coffee, walks, etc.  You want to feel at ease, not uncomfortable, nervous, unsafe and awkward. 

Get to know the quality of his character which requires lots of time and patience. 

 

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On 2/12/2021 at 6:09 PM, Cherylyn said:

Women NEED to err on the side of caution or get into unnecessary, preventable, avoidable trouble.  Women have to think ahead, plan ahead and know how to be careful out there for obvious reasons.  Pandemic or no pandemic, crimes are the same and will never change no matter where you live.  As a woman, you don't simply go into a man's apartment or invite him into your home when you don't know him that well yet.  It's reckless and foolhardy. 

The solution during this pandemic is still meeting in a safe public place with protocols. 

You don't know what you're talking about until you become a victim of rape, date rape, sexual assault, sexual harassment, sexual abuse, etc. Or, your loved ones, family, friends, acquaintances.  Live and learn. 

My husband said that there were a lot of unreported campus rapes in dorms,  apartments, houses, fraternities (with private rooms) and he knows because these victims were his friends.  Campus escort police was created for this rampant problem. 

The only time you will realize that this type of crime is a serious, real problem and not a joke is if you or your loved ones were PAINFULLY and personally traumatized.  You do not know the level of lifelong, very real mental anguish these types of crimes cause.  Until then, continue making jokes and mockeries at a victim's expense because you are very talented and gifted at it ~ by all means keep it coming. 

This.  All of it.  I  really feel like I need to comment on this.  I don't date anymore, because I'm married now, but I was pretty cautious back when I did.  I didn't live in fear of serial killers or anything, and I certainly didn't think every guy was a rapist, but...there's something to be said for being careful, and with all due respect to some of the men posting here, you really, really, really have no idea what it's like being a woman.   I have a list of things I don't do by myself at night (I live in a fairly big city, and while crime isn't out of control, it's still an issue):  Go to a gas station.  Go to a bank ATM. Go to certain stores in certain areas of town. Park in parking garages.  Go walking or running along the river.   Why?  Because I've attempted to do ALL of these things in the past and been harassed in some way -- approached aggressively, catcalled, even followed.  (I was even once followed at my workplace when leaving my office after an evening class -- a guy was following me, calling out to me very aggressively to stop and talk to him. Fortunately, my car was nearby; I simply ignored him and kept walking briskly to my car, and I made it there before he could catch up to me.)  And, a number of these types of things have happened to me in the daytime as well.   This is just being out and about in the world -- NOT going to a stranger's home.  My husband?  He has no such list.  He doesn't need one.  He can go to a local gas station at night and not even think about some guy trying to jump in his car with him. (Not saying it couldn't happen, just that it's so unlikely he doesn't even have to consider the possibility.)

Like I said, I don't walk around in fear of rapists and killers, but that doesn't mean I'm going to the home of some stranger I just met on the Internet, and if a guy doesn't understand that, then we're not a good match.  

I think sticking to dates outside of home for now, even during a pandemic, is best.  Walks, hikes, picnics, etc. are all things that can be done.  Even watching a movie together online -- via Zoom or some other platform -- could be fun.  I'm sure I can think of tons more things.  I've even been to parties on Zoom during the pandemic, and they were a lot of fun.

I'm glad the guy got in touch, and I hope all goes well!

 

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In my experience I haven't had anyone really stalk me or rape me (yet) but that's not to say it wouldn't happen. However if you agree to go to a guy's place who you don't know much, it might be that he's expecting sex and he will try to get sex. During the pandemic I think it's different because we hardly have options. But pre pandemic certainly it would be very likely that a guy asking a woman to come over is doing so to get sex. Though I think also if a woman came over and said "I don't want to have sex", many guys would not push it and would respect what she said. Majority of men are not sexual predators.

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6 hours ago, browneyedgirl36 said:

This.  All of it.  I  really feel like I need to comment on this.  I don't date anymore, because I'm married now, but I was pretty cautious back when I did.  I didn't live in fear of serial killers or anything, and I certainly didn't think every guy was a rapist, but...there's something to be said for being careful, and with all due respect to some of the men posting here, you really, really, really have no idea what it's like being a woman.   I have a list of things I don't do by myself at night (I live in a fairly big city, and while crime isn't out of control, it's still an issue):  Go to a gas station.  Go to a bank ATM. Go to certain stores in certain areas of town. Park in parking garages.  Go walking or running along the river.   Why?  Because I've attempted to do ALL of these things in the past and been harassed in some way -- approached aggressively, catcalled, even followed.  (I was even once followed at my workplace when leaving my office after an evening class -- a guy was following me, calling out to me very aggressively to stop and talk to him. Fortunately, my car was nearby; I simply ignored him and kept walking briskly to my car, and I made it there before he could catch up to me.)  And, a number of these types of things have happened to me in the daytime as well.   This is just being out and about in the world -- NOT going to a stranger's home.  My husband?  He has no such list.  He doesn't need one.  He can go to a local gas station at night and not even think about some guy trying to jump in his car with him. (Not saying it couldn't happen, just that it's so unlikely he doesn't even have to consider the possibility.)

Like I said, I don't walk around in fear of rapists and killers, but that doesn't mean I'm going to the home of some stranger I just met on the Internet, and if a guy doesn't understand that, then we're not a good match.  

I think sticking to dates outside of home for now, even during a pandemic, is best.  Walks, hikes, picnics, etc. are all things that can be done.  Even watching a movie together online -- via Zoom or some other platform -- could be fun.  I'm sure I can think of tons more things.  I've even been to parties on Zoom during the pandemic, and they were a lot of fun.

I'm glad the guy got in touch, and I hope all goes well!

 

Great comment and I couldn't agree more.  I'm aware where I'm at, too.  I don't go to gas stations at night, don't go to a bank ATM, walk out in the dark parking lot all by myself, don't walk at night all by myself, avoid parking garages, don't exercise alone on trails, parks and the like.  It's common sense.  I've been followed by creeps and had to make a loud ruckus in order for them to back off.  And, it's the "normal-looking" men you have to watch out for because they camouflage and easily blend into society.  It was very scary! 😯 There are all sorts of weirdos out there and normal looking guys who have bad intentions.  They prey on women who are easy targets.  This concept is something some women and many men simply cannot and will not ever comprehend. 

If I go to the grocery store in the evening, I ask the bagger to escort me to my car.  Or, my husband accompanies me for evening grocery trips.  

When I was 18 years old, I worked night and graveyard shifts full time and enrolled in school by day.  My colleagues and I always walked to our cars together; never alone.  I couldn't always park near the door because when my shift began it overlapped with the day shift who hadn't departed the building yet.  I had to park faraway.  I was the lone motorist at odd hours of the night as I meandered my way home.  Would I do it again?  NO.  I didn't have a choice back then because I financially supported my widowed mother and younger siblings.  Life was hard and I had to risk my life every night in order to put a roof over our heads and food on the table.   

My hairstylist said that she and her colleagues all carry pepper spray when walking to their car after they leave the salon at night.  Granted, once again, not everyone is a rapist and murderer.  However,  all it takes is that one time when your luck runs out though.  Unfortunately, you can't fully trust society and the public all the time.  This is not how the world works.  If you let your guard down, all it takes is one time of bad luck and then you'll learn how to think twice.  Unless you want to be recorded on the police blotter, learn how to be safe because it's not that difficult.

I'm certainly not entering a stranger's home when I don't know him from Adam nor will I invite a stranger into my house either.  No way.  That's just a foolhardy risk and gamble I'm not willing to take.  Sure, he "might" be harmless but what if he's not?  Oh well? 

There are lot of safe options such as walking, meeting for coffee or lunch, safe group settings, protocols and the like.  Playing it safe gives you peace of mind. 

Edited by Cherylyn
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8 hours ago, Tinydance said:

However if you agree to go to a guy's place who you don't know much, it might be that he's expecting sex and he will try to get sex.

Also, you have that whole date-rape scenario, where it's not the overtly violent attack that people think of with rape, but the steady, overpowering pressure that girls sometimes freeze in the face of and succumb to. Then they walk away thinking, What just happened? Was that my fault for not fighting?

Just look at any of the Epstein/Weinstein cases. Listen to the women's stories. Most of those would hardly be described as violent attacks. And the girls left confused and never said anything because their experience didn't fit the traditional "rape" mold. So, those men got to rape continuously for decades.

You also have the danger of being drugged. Waking up, suspecting something happened, but not knowing. Nobody listening despite dozens of complaints. Bill Cosby, Jeffrey Marsalis.

These are just the high profile cases that we know of.

9 hours ago, browneyedgirl36 said:

with all due respect to some of the men posting here, you really, really, really have no idea what it's like being a woman.

Yeah, I hate to say it. But all men should know what it's like to get harassed and catcalled as you walk down the street from 12 years old into adulthood. You learn a few things and you take them to heart.

Edited by Jibralta
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8 hours ago, Tinydance said:

In my experience I haven't had anyone really stalk me or rape me (yet) but that's not to say it wouldn't happen. However if you agree to go to a guy's place who you don't know much, it might be that he's expecting sex and he will try to get sex. During the pandemic I think it's different because we hardly have options. But pre pandemic certainly it would be very likely that a guy asking a woman to come over is doing so to get sex. Though I think also if a woman came over and said "I don't want to have sex", many guys would not push it and would respect what she said. Majority of men are not sexual predators.

No, it's not different -you - the general you- don't have to plan to go to a stranger's home - what I would do is go to a mall that isn't crowded, a hotel lobby, etc and chat -and if you need entertainment - watch something on one of your phone's quietly or show each other photos.  Still no reason to be indoors at a stranger's home.  I realize it's more challenging now, I get it!

I do what BEG does with risk assessment and for the same reasons.

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7 hours ago, Jibralta said:

Also, you have that whole date-rape scenario, where it's not the overtly violent attack that people think of with rape, but the steady, overpowering pressure that girls sometimes freeze in the face of and succumb to. Then they walk away thinking, What just happened? Was that my fault for not fighting?

Just look at any of the Epstein/Weinstein cases. Listen to the women's stories. Most of those would hardly be described as violent attacks. And the girls left confused and never said anything because their experience didn't fit the traditional "rape" mold. So, those men got to rape continuously for decades.

You also have the danger of being drugged. Waking up, suspecting something happened, but not knowing. Nobody listening despite dozens of complaints. Bill Cosby, Jeffrey Marsalis.

These are just the high profile cases that we know of.

Yeah, I hate to say it. But all men should know what it's like to get harassed and catcalled as you walk down the street from 12 years old into adulthood. You learn a few things and you take them to heart.

Yep.  In regard to the  to the bolded part:  I was followed, while walking in my neighborhood, by some guys in a car when I was TEN.  The driver, a guy I recognized as living in the neighborhood (at that time he was a teenager, maybe 18 or 19 -- I'm not sure, but he was old enough to drive) rolled down the window and called out to me to "come over here."  For a half second, I was going to -- I mean, I was in my neighborhood, very close to my house ( I could, in fact, see my house from where I was), and this was a guy I recognized.  so...no big deal right? He wasn't technically a stranger, and...I was taught to be polite. Maybe he just wants to ask me something -- like where someone's house is, I thought.  I took a step or two toward the car and then, a voice in my head (which I would later learn was my intuition), told me "NO. Don't go over there!" and I turned and walked VERY briskly home, him and his buddies yelling at me out the window of the car as I walked away.  The guy lived in the neighborhood.  It was a really small neighborhood - literally six streets.  He wasn't lost.  Maybe he was just goofing around -- I don't know -- but forty years later, I STILL know I did the right thing in walking away.

This is just one example -- the first of MANY I can recall in my life.  I could probably tell at least 100 more stories here, from the mildly annoying (catcalling, being aggressively approached when I'm just going about my business) to the terrifying (being followed at night, being in a situation at a party where I ended up in a room alone with a guy who did not have good intentions, etc.)  but I don't want to derail the thread.   (And, sorry if I have already; I feel VERY strongly about this -- about people, but especially women, paying attention to their intuition.  It has saved me from some potentially awful and possibly dangerous situations many times in my life.)

My point is this:  If you feel uncomfortable, pay attention to that feeling.  Women are so often told we're "paranoid" or "living in fear" when all we're doing is looking out for ourselves.   Any guy worth dating, for me, would wait until I was comfortable coming to his house (which my now-husband was).  

I highly recommend a book called The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker, a world-renowned security expert.  I recommend it for everyone -- not just women -- but I think women can especially benefit from it as it deals with some of what we've been talking about here.  

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I think it's the men who would never, ever treat a woman that way who can't understand why women are fearful.

I've asked men I know "Are you afraid when walking alone to your car in a deserted parking lot?  Do you fear walking through your neighborhood alone?  Do you wonder what people might think of you if you go to a bar alone?  If a woman invites you over do you think 'I wonder if I'm going to get lucky!' or do you think 'Jeez, I hope she doesn't expect sex!  And I hope she doesn't get aggressive if I say no!'?

Now, I still think there was no need to bring up "bad things" or murderers or Ted Bundy or the like.  A simple "I'm not comfortable with that" should suffice.  And if the man pushes, a simple "No, thank you.  I don't think we're a good fit after all" is adequate.

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Good thing I don't have daughters.  I have nieces and thankfully, their parents taught them how to be safe. 

Women being on their guard may sound like a farce to men who think women are "paranoid," but it's no joke when men are untoward with women anywhere from harassment to assault all under the veneer of naive women being at the wrong place at the wrong time or just plain "unlucky." 

I've had scary incidents in my past such a being followed on the way home from school, neighbor guys calling me into their garages and houses and fortunately, my guard was up and I ran in the opposite direction. 

My classmate was raped in a parking garage.  An apartment tenant was date raped and the guy said it was "consensual."  It's not consensual when she was wailing while hanging onto a carport pillar at 2AM.  There's nothing funny about that.  However, it's humorous and jolly good fun for ignoramuses.

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