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An 18yr old man is pursuing me (I'm 41,F)


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I mean if you both like each other then I don’t see the harm but don’t expect this to be a long term relationship because it will never happen. It will be a fling. An experience. But nothing serious will come of it. And be prepared for him to tell all his mates because he will. 
but if you have no issues with that, then I don’t see why you can’t have some fun. We all have needs and he’s of legal age. 

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He at least has a logical excuse for doing this. His very immature brain, which still needs at least another full 7 years to mature in the decision-making area.

There are many people in this world we can have chemistry with that transcend age, distance, and unethical circumstances. But that's when you have to take everything in to consideration and often realize that brief fantasy should not translate to reality.

Secrets have a way of coming out to bite you in the rear. What if you did this guy and it was over? And then you met a great guy in your age range who wanted to get serious with you, and he found out you did an 18 year old?

I know if I found that info out about a person I was dating, I'd make my exit so fast it would make their head spin. Because I think there is something mentally off with a person who would consider doing this with that age gap.

If you can't find someone serious to be with in your age range, obviously you don't mind casual since you know this guy would be exactly that. Get on Plenty of Fish and say you're just looking for hookups and you'll get plenty of messages. Eventually though, that sort of life becomes quickly a shallow way of living for most. I'd stick with the plan you really want in life, if you do want longterm. Put in the hard work of finding a decent guy in your age range. It can be like another full time job, but eventually you should find a partner if you stick to it. Try Meetup.com when everyone gets the vaccine. Maybe by summer.

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So your excuse for going after a teenager is because "I've tried and tried?"  You can't attract men in the age range -let's say - 35-50? OK so you can't.  Doesn't mean you use that to justify going after a kid.  You're the adult in the room.  He's not really an adult yet (yes check the laws in your state).

You asked for kind and thoughtful responses.  As an adult do you think it's kind or thoughtful to pursue a teenager who seems to be sexually attracted to you?

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2 hours ago, Andrina said:

I know if I found that info out about a person I was dating, I'd make my exit so fast it would make their head spin. Because I think there is something mentally off with a person who would consider doing this with that age gap.

Same.

The whole situation reeks of either desperation, mentally unstable or borderline pedo.

I'm sorry but it does.

 

Edited by SherrySher
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This is very common, nothing out of the ordinary. People date decades outside of their ages regularly and there are plenty of young men interested in older women. I think if you stick around long enough or date around a bit you'll see them crop up as plentiful as mushrooms in a forest and it'll lose its appeal or lustre. You'll even stop worrying about what he thinks or what you think or what others think about you. 

Enjoy the company but don't be surprised if you begin to clash or lose interest eventually. Enjoy it for what it is.

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Wow, surprised to read all the harsh comments.  Reverse the genders here, and “he" would be getting high fives. All kinds of respected men date/are married to women 25+ years younger. Maybe not 18 years old, but much younger.

I think 18 is too young, if he was a few years older I think it would remove some of the “taint.” I also have a lot of younger men hitting on me frequently and I too try to date guys my age.  Just my opinion, but it is a lot harder to connect with men in their late 40s. I try and generally it doesn’t work out, or they are scarce - one’s that are single that is.  I recently put a lot of effort into an age appropriate guy who basically vanished. The younger guys are aggressive and make it easy, and generally don’t vanish.

Enjoy/live the moment.  You aren’t going to marry the guy, but you probably wouldn’t be marrying the next 40 year old either. 

 

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6 minutes ago, sadchick83 said:

Wow, surprised to read all the harsh comments.  Reverse the genders here, and “he" would be getting high fives. All kinds of respected men date/are married to women 25+ years younger. Maybe not 18 years old, but much younger.

I think 18 is too young, if he was a few years older I think it would remove some of the “taint.” I also have a lot of younger men hitting on me frequently and I too try to date guys my age.  Just my opinion, but it is a lot harder to connect with men in their late 40s. I try and generally it doesn’t work out, or they are scarce - one’s that are single that is.  I recently put a lot of effort into an age appropriate guy who basically vanished. The younger guys are aggressive and make it easy, and generally don’t vanish.

Enjoy/live the moment.  You aren’t going to marry the guy, but you probably wouldn’t be marrying the next 40 year old either. 

 

I would. NOT be giving “high fives” to a man in his 40’s who wants to date a teenager!  I don’t think that anyone else here would either. 

Edited by Hollyj
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3 hours ago, Hollyj said:

I would. NOT be giving “high fives” to a man in his 40’s who wants to date a teenager!  I don’t think that anyone else here would either. 

No high fives here either. I would have the same opinion of a man doing this. It's taking advantage of someone young who is vulnerable. As someone has already said, 40 something is the adult and knows better.

If they decide to engage in this kind of situation anyhow, then I just see that as pathetic.

Edited by SherrySher
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8 hours ago, SherrySher said:

No high fives here either. I would have the same opinion of a man doing this. It's taking advantage of someone young who is vulnerable. As someone has already said, 40 something is the adult and knows better.

If they decide to engage in this kind of situation anyhow, then I just see that as pathetic.

Same!! It's not gendered at all.

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10 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

How many 40-somethings do you know who are dating 18-year-olds?

 

I did not speak about 'dating'. I said interested in the sentence after that in my post. The OP is not dating this 18 year old so while I agree with most of the sentiments that it's imbalanced, I think it's not what's going on here. There's interest, she's flattered, her mind is getting away with her thinking about his family might think. I'm letting her know that this is not one of a kind, unique or uncommon. 

Enjoy the attention but don't be surprised it doesn't work or there's very little interest overall over time. 

 

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On 2/17/2021 at 7:32 PM, sadchick83 said:

All kinds of respected men date/are married to women 25+ years younger. Maybe not 18 years old, but much younger.

A lot, and I mean a lot of the higher ups in my husband's career have made it work out much better the second time around, with women 15 to 20 years younger than them.  One of my husband's friends is actually 25 years older than his 2nd wife, and they are really happy.  But she's closer to my age.  It's interesting for sure, and no, I don't think older women pull that off as well.  

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  • 1 month later...
On 2/23/2021 at 6:56 PM, maritalbliss86 said:

A lot, and I mean a lot of the higher ups in my husband's career have made it work out much better the second time around, with women 15 to 20 years younger than them.  One of my husband's friends is actually 25 years older than his 2nd wife, and they are really happy.  But she's closer to my age.  It's interesting for sure, and no, I don't think older women pull that off as well.  

Trophy wives are for sale, and men at a certain income level can buy one.  This is much different than a young man trying to score a MILF.

Now if you said lots of men working the Taco Bell drive-thru or riding a garbage truck (not that there's anything wrong with those professions, it's honest work) had trophy wives, that would be surprising.

Edited by waffle
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