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I don’t know how to be a single mom


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Me and my sons father have been together 7 years and just separated because he was hiding his true self from me and seeking sex online while I’m at work. I’m only 26 with a GED and have just taken care of my son since I was 21 and just a waitress before that. His dad isn’t wealthy but together we make it work. Now I’m alone, even with 500 in child support is not enough given childcare costs more. We weren’t married, I just don’t know where or how to start my new life and I don’t have parents or family or friends to talk to this with so here I am asking strangers for advice 

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I would strongly encourage you to reconnect with your family and friends. Since you aren't working it should be fairly easy to move back closer to family if you don't live nearby.

Also, make sure you have a support and custody agreement filed IN COURT. Don't rely on your ex's word.

And you will make it work. I too became a single mother in my early 30s. With emotional support from my family we made it through just fine. Yes, there were some tough times, but we always managed.

I wish you good luck.

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Aww yeah :/.. can be challenging & overwhelming...

As Bold mentioned, above, it can be done.  Many of us have had to ❤️ 

Why do you not have family or friends to lean on with this.. huge change that's happened for you?

I did need my family and had a few friends.. in time, I made more.

Is a new adventure.. I got to go do it all with my boys... we did okay.

You have childcare costs because you are working? 

Not sure if you are able or qualify for assistance (govt)?  Many single parents have had to look into that.

And yes, get it all together - into court and they make sure he pays his share.

Also visitation for him will be arranged.  usually weekends or alt.

 

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There are college programs/scholarships for single moms. I know there are in California. You might want to do a quick google search if your local or state have these programs. You might not think higher education is your thing, but if they're paying you to go to school and provide daycare, why not?

Your ex will need to step up too. He will also have to watch your son. IF you guys don't want to go to court, figure out a schedule that will work for you both and maybe not have to get childcare.

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9 hours ago, Morgan1234 said:

 I’m at work. 

Sorry this happened. Go to social services for help with housing, food, medical care for your son and yourself, child care assistance and career training.

It's doesn't matter if you were married or not. In many cases the father is only responsible for child support and that child support is only for the child, not to cover your expenses.

You must have friends or family somewhere. Talk to trusted friends and family about what is going on.

Edited by Wiseman2
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I have no idea how to be a single mother so I am sorry but I cant help. You have the internet so you are able to look up programs that can assist you, Snap, food stams, welfare, section 8, medicaid, all could be available for you. 

Was the $500/mo child support court ordered or simply agreed to between you and your X? Depending on your state, it can be as much as 40% of his check, so might be able to look into asking for more money if the support is just not enough. And also depending on your state, you might be entitled to palimony. That is spousal support for unmarried couples who lived together for some time. 

But this site is great, you are not alone and you just keep posting all you want. 

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My heart goes out to you.

I'd contact your local Human Services department and ask for a case worker. Ask that person for referrals to all available resources--financial, health, legal and emotional--regardless of whether you qualify at this time, or not.

From there you can pursue the services for which you are currently qualified, and you can research the others to learn what would qualify you going forward.

One of the most important resources I'd contact would be Legal Aid, or whatever version of this service is available in your location.

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9 hours ago, AutumnBorn said:

Get a better education from a reputable school. 

I would not advise this at all at this time. First of all, most universities are online only. Secondly, tuition can cost a fortune right now.

What, exactly, is "a better education"? Right now a degree from Stanford is not going feed her child, so no need to disparage someone down and out.

The best thing someone in this position can do is go to social services. That would be for practical assistance with food, housing, medical care, etc. for herself and her children. At some point career training and childcare may be available.

She also does Not need some volunteer legal aid attorney.  The courts handle child support and she already is receiving that. A revision does not require an attorney.

Other options are community and faith based organizations.

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