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Hi, I could use some advice on a girl that I like. Currently (24M) & she is (27F).

We met at a summer job 6 years ago and we became best friends, I had just graduated high school at the time and she had just finished her second year of college and we were going to two different colleges across the state and I had gone on some dates with her that summer and we kept in touch. The next summer we worked at the same job and got even closer and became better friends but still did not attempt to date. I liked her, but because I was younger and wanted to enjoy college and didn't think long distance would work and she wanted to remain friends as well. I got a girlfriend while in college and started to reach out to her a lot less often but would still pray for our friendship and reach out randomly as a friendly catch up. When my friends would hang out with her she seemed jealous of my girlfriend.

Whenever my girlfriend and I broke up it was my senior year of college and the girl I had met at the summer job began to reach out more and we rekindled our friendship. I still had a crush on her but I felt of her more of a friend at this point. But we began talking about what our dream date would be, future life that we want would be etc. and our other friend listened to our responses to one another and told me that I need to try dating her. I currently lived 2:30 hours away from her due to staying in the city I graduated in, but I began to reach out and go on dates on weekends when I would go visit her. All of her friends and even her sister have told me she talks about me and even at her sister's wedding her sister and her husband asked me when am I going to date her.

I moved back to our hometown where we both worked the summer job and I continued pursuing her and I took her out for Valentines day in 2020 and we had talked about us. She said that right now she wants to focus on herself and not pursue a relationship with me if she can't give 100%. Which I respected and didn't want to ruin any friendship nor try to force a relationship. But what hit me hard was in that conversation she brought up that she had told one of her friends back when we worked together at the summer job years ago that she would date me one day. So hearing that from her made me more confused as I thought this was that "one day" she mentioned. But we moved on and continued growing our friendship as she is within a close knit mutual friend group. As 2020 continued her sister continued to egg me on about dating her and one our close mutual friends asked her one day if she liked me and she said yes and that she could see a future with me.

Recently, her and I began getting closer to one another and started flirting more and went on a date and it was great. We went on another date and she brought up us again and basically said the same thing as before that right now she feels like she can't commit herself to a relationship. She has never once said anything to me, her sister, or her friends that she doesn't want to date me and when we both hang out there isn't any tension ever. We are even going with her sister and sister's husband on a ski trip at the end of this month. I think a big thing for her is the age gap, me being 24 and her 27 which to me doesn't matter but maybe for a girl does. Also, the fact we are such good friends and are in a close knit friend group, maybe she doesn't want to ruin a friendship. As far as what I currently know from what she has told her friends she has feelings for me and can see a future with me, just not right now..

So i'm wondering what should I do? Keep trying to flirt/take her on dates? Just be friends and let her make a move? My heart is pretty set on her and I've tried talking to other girls and honestly I only think of her so I don't want to date someone else out of spite, because that isn't fair to a new girl and also to myself.


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16 minutes ago, Thunderfoot2015 said:

right now she feels like she can't commit herself to a relationship.

Sorry this is happening. You'll have to take it at face value that she's not looking for anything right now. That being the case, step back and just stay friends.

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First of all, IF you cross the lines of 'friendship'.. and things go wrong- can be hard to go backwards- to 'just friends' again.. so that be a risk you be taking.

Second, YOU know too much - maybe due to you two are in same friend grp? ( you are going on about 'her friends' are saying this and saying that- do tread carefully with all of this).

The one who knows for sure is HER. She has told you at least 2 times now, she does not feel 'ready'?

Then you accept that... you may get fully involved someday, or not.

IMO, too much pressure/expectations- can make one pull away.

So, can YOU accept just being a 'real friend'- and stop pestering her?


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