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I want her but we cannot be together


BronsonSantana
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I don't know how to feel right now. A background of the situation is that I'm a 16 year old male she is an 18 year old college girl old family friend that I started texting back in November. Last week we met up and I could tell that she liked me and gave me choosing signals. She is so intelligent, mature & respectful. She encompasses and epitomizes everything that I look for in a woman. Her dark brown hair, pretty brown eyes, tender voice, 5'3½" height, and most of all her diamond mind. She admired my good looks, 6'6" height, masculine & mature frame, composure, mentality & what I had to offer her intellectually. I gave her some space without texting her or any contact for a week to not come off as clingy, needy, or pushy. Yesterday, I texted her again and she sounded eager to talk to me. She invited me to hang out with her again in a few weeks and she offered to pick me up in her truck. Our text conversation was very great. However, about an hour ago we were conversing about something and she revealed that she has a 24 year old boyfriend. I'm in an extremely difficult situation and I don't know what to do. From the moment I saw her all those years ago, not a day has gone by where I haven't thought of her. And now that I'm with her again but we can't be together, I'm in agony. The closer I get to her, the worse it gets. And with the thought of not being able to be with her because she has a boyfriend, I cant breathe. What can I do? This torments me. Maybe I can save her from this dude. She knows there's something missing. She know's that dating this dude is starting to feel like the wrong thing to do. It's not supposed to make her different over time. With all of this recognition, it gets hard for her to listen to these signs. But I want her to still live and have fun. We both have time. We'll be fine. I would only fall for her type. I believe in people like her. And if she breaks up with this guy, who am I to judge her on her past? I bet their is a reason for it all. There isn't anything new in relationships except someone new. I might be lectured on how reckless I've been expecting something out of this girl but this is just how I feel. We compliment eachother. I know I might be slowly running out of the time that I invested. I want her to tell me what are the feelings that she feels for him. Because right now I'm living in dark in pain. With her I feel better. In my bed I don't feel comfortable, she's not with me and I feel alone. Being alone with her I could stay forever. I hope she sees the best decision she can make is to choose me. I can treat her like a real lady wherever she goes. I am a gentleman. I am a real man. Even though we're far apart, my heart is still there with her. I don't talk myself up. I do and show with my actions. I can treat her better than that 24 year old can. He has nothing to offer her. He is not on her level. If she is engaging in sexual activities with him i hope she is protecting herself. She is a boss. A queen. She'd be better suited with a man like me who can satisfy her on all levels. Her equal. I can stimulate her mind. She is a go getter and an alpha female who needs an alpha male like me. I'm her equal. I just want her to think about it. I see her worth. I see what she is bringing to the table. He won't see her worth. That 24 year old doesn't want a woman so classy and elegant like her of her status. She is out of his league and she deserves better. I can do her better and do her right. She just needs to trust in what I say and I can demonstrate to her with my actions. I won't let her down. She needs to hear the truth and understand all of her options. She'll see that I am the best fit for her heart. She won't have to change for me or give up anything. I can give her more than he can. I make her nervous and give her butterflies in her stomach. He's not as perfect as she thinks. He needs people to like him. It's a facade. I am genuine and authentic. I have nothing to hide from her. I'm exactly right for her. It would be as easy as breathing. I don't want her to do me like that. She keeps that thing away from me. She is being stingy. I want her to know that I like her. I feel it deep in my soul. She wants to kneel for love. She has to know that she is beautiful. I know she feels it in the bones inside her body. I know she needs someone to hold like me. I know she wants a peace of me. She wants to say my name. So why doesn't she want to spit it out. It could be perfect. Her smile is my remedy. Loving isn't the same with a guy like me. She is used to them. I'm here to save her. Me and those guys aren't the same. 

What can I do about this?

Edited by BronsonSantana
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If she's with me she'll forget about the boyfriend that she has. I'm the one who takes her to another planet out of reality. I'm the one that stimulates her mind. This 24 year old keeps calling her, bothering her, and crying for her. There is no need for her to fake like being with him is better than being with me. She can call me and there will be none of the drama that accompanies that 24 year old. Wherever she goes, I'll follow. Why does she torture herself and waste her time? She knows that this guy doesn't fulfill her. He has her suffering and walking on egg shells. She shouldn't be with someone because of pity. She needs to leave him and forget about him. Once she comes with me I'll treat her better. She looks perfect with the best smile in the world. And what that 24 year old dude says doesn't affect me. Because she is mine and she was born to be with me. And when she is with him she only things about me. She stays with him, but I know that she doesn't love him. I want her to tell me the truth so we can do what we both have been yearning.

Edited by BronsonSantana
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You seem to known an awful lot about this boyfriend who you only found out about an hour ago.

She's with him for a reason. Don't assume she's not happy with him and that he's not meeting her needs unless she's actually told you that.

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2 minutes ago, gamon said:

You seem to known an awful lot about this boyfriend who you only found out about an hour ago.

She's with him for a reason. Don't assume she's not happy with him and that he's not meeting her needs unless she's actually told you that.

The fact is that I'm a better fit for her. I fulfill her needs. I stimulate her mind and soul

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You don't know that you're better for her than her boyfriend. You can't possibly know.

You're fooling yourself and chasing a girl who is unavailable and wasting your time that could be better spent finding someone who doesn't have a boyfriend.

 

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16 minutes ago, BronsonSantana said:

Maybe I can save her from this dude.

you cant save her, yes you can be there for her but you cant save her like that. if you want something real if you really care about her and want a future relationship with her, don't interfere especially because you are under 16. If she is not as happy as you says she is this relationship she has wont last long. and if you try to break them up best case scenario they break up you start dating worse case scenario she rejects you and you lose anything yall had. even if they do break up but it is because of you and not on her own accord she may come to resent you or even blame you.

instead of forcing yourself in why not work on yourself, taking care of yourself, keep being her friend and maybe she will start to notice or you may naturally get the chance to show her. 

 

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6 minutes ago, gamon said:

You don't know that you're better for her than her boyfriend. You can't possibly know.

You're fooling yourself and chasing a girl who is unavailable and wasting your time that could be better spent finding someone who doesn't have a boyfriend.

 

But I think I love her. It's not difficult to stop wanting a girl as perfect as her. She is everything I've ever wanted. It would be perfect. The tables are turning and she is pulling my strings. She's in control of me. 

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2 minutes ago, BronsonSantana said:

But I think I love her.

you are a ball of hormones right now so please keep that in mind. You probably hear this a lot but you are soooo young. you have years ahead of of you. Why rush it, take your time, learn about yourself, grow so when you are in a relationship you have a full grasp of who you are which will make a more stable relationship. But being in a relationship especially so young shouldnt be your main goal. there will always be someone out there for you and you might miss that someone if your chasing after someone else. or even if you are with the right person and havent evolved enough or figured out who you are the relationship may fail. right person wrong time etc. dont rush it, dont push it.

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Get ahold of yourself. Doesn't seem like she sees you as anything more than a friend and possibly worse, is enjoying the power trip she has over you because she knows how you feel.

 

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7 minutes ago, willowsmith said:

you are a ball of hormones right now so please keep that in mind. You probably hear this a lot but you are soooo young. you have years ahead of of you. Why rush it, take your time, learn about yourself, grow so when you are in a relationship you have a full grasp of who you are which will make a more stable relationship. But being in a relationship especially so young shouldnt be your main goal. there will always be someone out there for you and you might miss that someone if your chasing after someone else. or even if you are with the right person and havent evolved enough or figured out who you are the relationship may fail. right person wrong time etc. dont rush it, dont push it.

I feel like I am already a grown man. I am 6'6" tall and have my own income. I will be 17 years old in April. I don't ever fall for any girls. None of the girls at my school entrapped me in such a way as she did. She gives me a sensation that I've never felt before. It feels so bad that the world is against us being together. I would go great efforts so that this girl would be lying in my arms. I know she would do the same for me. 

Edited by BronsonSantana
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12 minutes ago, gamon said:

Get ahold of yourself. Doesn't seem like she sees you as anything more than a friend and possibly worse, is enjoying the power trip she has over you because she knows how you feel.

 

Bro, I know she is looking for love just like I am. She can't have authentic true love with a guy like him. I can give her a fairy tale. All she has to do is say the word and we'll start. I can show her a side of love that she has never seen before. I can see all of this going down. I imagine her in my arms & she can fulfill my fantasy. This reality is just hard to face

 

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Her ethics suck. She has no boundaries of flirting with someone else when she has a boyfriend. You're fooling yourself to think she wouldn't do the same to you in the future. Different life stages are huge right now. A college girl hanging out with a high school boy? I don't think most mentally stable women would go that route. Maybe that's why she's toying with the idea. I would've never considered doing that when I was a teen.

Go ahead and make your mistakes as you'll likely argue against any reasonable advice. You'll learn the hard way.

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13 minutes ago, Andrina said:

Her ethics suck. She has no boundaries of flirting with someone else when she has a boyfriend. You're fooling yourself to think she wouldn't do the same to you in the future. Different life stages are huge right now. A college girl hanging out with a high school boy? I don't think most mentally stable women would go that route. Maybe that's why she's toying with the idea. I would've never considered doing that when I was a teen.

Go ahead and make your mistakes as you'll likely argue against any reasonable advice. You'll learn the hard way.

I don't think there is anything wrong with a woman dating a man two years younger than her. She sees that mentally and physically I am a grown man with a strong work ethic and mental fortitude. We are equals. Girls my age don't want a man like me because they are chasing those players and womanizers. I am not that. I know how to treat a woman and give her what she wants and needs. I can do her wonders and miracles. She is the smartest woman I know and I trust in her decision making capability. I only doubt her decision to stay with this 24 year old who cannot make her dreams a reality. I don't believe our love is a mistake. I only think the circumstances of this situation aren't ideal for us and that the world is against our love flourishing. 

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If you were an “alpha” as you claim, you wouldn’t waste time trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. You would realize this is not a match for you, that there are many more women in the world who would be more suited to you at this time and move on. As you should. I recommend you do so.

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3 minutes ago, jul-els said:

If you were an “alpha” as you claim, you wouldn’t waste time trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. You would realize this is not a match for you, that there are many more women in the world who would be more suited to you at this time and move on. As you should. I recommend you do so.

How can I find another woman like her? I never felt this way for any female before. I only think and dream about her

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Just now, BronsonSantana said:

How can I find another woman like her? I never felt this way for any female before. I only think and dream about her

Not very alpha, dude. Women are like buses. Another one comes along every fifteen minutes. This one isn’t going where you want to go. Find the one who is.

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7 minutes ago, jul-els said:

Not very alpha, dude. Women are like buses. Another one comes along every fifteen minutes. This one isn’t going where you want to go. Find the one who is.

I don't know many females brother. How can I find another one who isn't a total bird brain?

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1 minute ago, BronsonSantana said:

I don't know many females brother. How can I find another one who isn't a total bird brain?

Yeah. You are literally surrounded by women every waking day. Open your eyes to what’s possible instead of letting yourself get fixated on a fantasy.

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2 hours ago, BronsonSantana said:

How can I find another woman like her? I never felt this way for any female before. I only think and dream about her

I don't mean to be condescending OP, but you're only 16 years old. You have very little real life experience yet to compare this to, so of course you've never felt this way. 

She's your first real crush, it seems. You're infatuated for the first time, and your emotions are letting you get carried away. Don't presume to be perfect for her; reality has a way of making us eat humble pie. You have your good qualities, I'm sure. But at 16, you have a long way to go in growing into the man you'll one day become. She has a long way to go too; I know she feels like a grown woman to you now, but at 18, she's barely an adult yet herself. Both of you will grow and change a lot in the coming years. Believe me when I say that I thought I had it all figured out at 16, 17, 18 too (I'm almost 40 now) The truth is that I had no idea. Nobody does when they're that young. 

Bottom line, she's got a boyfriend. She obviously sees something special in him or she wouldn't be with him. Yes, she might be flattered by your attention but she doesn't need to be "saved" from him. Stop texting her so much, and work on gaining perspective. She isn't the be-all and end-all of womankind, I promise you. 

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3 hours ago, BronsonSantana said:

I don't think there is anything wrong with a woman dating a man two years younger than her. 

You're absolutely right.  Nothing wrong with it.  Only difference here is that YOU are NOT A MAN.  Still a boy in high school. MEN don't go to high school.  That's the reality.

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5 hours ago, BronsonSantana said:

From the moment I saw her all those years ago, not a day has gone by where I haven't thought of her. And now that I'm with her again but we can't be together, I'm in agony. The closer I get to her, the worse it gets. And with the thought of not being able to be with her because she has a boyfriend, I cant breathe.

Then YOU have to back away & leave her alone and ACCEPT she is taken.

 

5 hours ago, BronsonSantana said:

She'd be better suited with a man like me who can satisfy her on all levels. Her equal. I can stimulate her mind. She is a go getter and an alpha female who needs an alpha male like me. I'm her equal. I just want her to think about it. I see her worth. I see what she is bringing to the table. He won't see her worth. That 24 year old doesn't want a woman so classy and elegant like her of her status. She is out of his league and she deserves better.

How do you know any of this?

5 hours ago, BronsonSantana said:

There is no need for her to fake like being with him is better than being with me. She can call me and there will be none of the drama that accompanies that 24 year old. Wherever she goes, I'll follow. Why does she torture herself and waste her time?

- No drama?  seems like this is all YOU are doing- to yourself!

-Wherever she goes you WILL follow?  Okay, that's an act of 'stalking'.

- Her, torture herself?  No, this is on you..

4 hours ago, BronsonSantana said:

None of the girls at my school entrapped me in such a way as she did. She gives me a sensation that I've never felt before.

Yah, because you are full of hormones and are crushing over her.  You have NO idea what a real relationship is about.. and you're in a fantasy world..

3 hours ago, BronsonSantana said:

I only doubt her decision to stay with this 24 year old who cannot make her dreams a reality. I don't believe our love is a mistake

Dude, you two are not 'in love'.  YOU are in lust. And it is not 'our love', enough of this.  She is not in love with you.

So... back away.. leave her be as she is involved with HIM.

Respect that- so you can move along.. and look for a woman who is actually single.. and learn about life & love in a healthier way.

 

 

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2 hours ago, SooSad33 said:

Then YOU have to back away & leave her alone and ACCEPT she is taken.

 

How do you know any of this?

- No drama?  seems like this is all YOU are doing- to yourself!

-Wherever she goes you WILL follow?  Okay, that's an act of 'stalking'.

- Her, torture herself?  No, this is on you..

Yah, because you are full of hormones and are crushing over her.  You have NO idea what a real relationship is about.. and you're in a fantasy world..

Dude, you two are not 'in love'.  YOU are in lust. And it is not 'our love', enough of this.  She is not in love with you.

So... back away.. leave her be as she is involved with HIM.

Respect that- so you can move along.. and look for a woman who is actually single.. and learn about life & love in a healthier way.

 

 

I'm just wanting her to reassess all of her options and realise that only with me she'll have true love by her side. I can give her fairy tale type love. I can fulfill all of her needs on a deep level. I know what I bring to the table and can offer her. No matter what anyone says, we have a real love.

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2 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

I don't mean to be condescending OP, but you're only 16 years old. You have very little real life experience yet to compare this to, so of course you've never felt this way. 

She's your first real crush, it seems. You're infatuated for the first time, and your emotions are letting you get carried away. Don't presume to be perfect for her; reality has a way of making us eat humble pie. You have your good qualities, I'm sure. But at 16, you have a long way to go in growing into the man you'll one day become. She has a long way to go too; I know she feels like a grown woman to you now, but at 18, she's barely an adult yet herself. Both of you will grow and change a lot in the coming years. Believe me when I say that I thought I had it all figured out at 16, 17, 18 too (I'm almost 40 now) The truth is that I had no idea. Nobody does when they're that young. 

Bottom line, she's got a boyfriend. She obviously sees something special in him or she wouldn't be with him. Yes, she might be flattered by your attention but she doesn't need to be "saved" from him. Stop texting her so much, and work on gaining perspective. She isn't the be-all and end-all of womankind, I promise you. 

Thanks for the thoughtful and insightful response. The last thing I want to do is stress her or sweat her. I respect her time, decisions, boundaries, and wants. She is a grown woman. Whatever she decides to do is what is going to happen and I respect that. I know that she's dealt with some struggles, tribulations and failures during her life and I am here for her. I'm not one to want to change people or make them do things they don't want to do. I plan to reveal to her how I truly feel towards her and I know that the feeling is mutual. She doesn't have to do any of that extra for me. The way she is suffices. 

Me and her share some of the same psyche. I've had conversations with her that I've never had with anybody before and there is a deep trust built between us. We understand eachother extremely well. When it's all said and done, she'll still want what she wants and that is her freedom. I get her off mentally when I talk deep with her. 

My main goal with revealing my feelings towards her is the maturation of our love and the confirmation of all of my perpetual thoughts. I can't guarantee forever, but I can guarantee that it's gonna get better and easier for her. Not only in a superficial and monetarily sense. I can modify her confidence and weary thoughts. I can whisper in her ear and make her spirit fly. Age of consent in my state is 16 so I can also satiate her womanly parts...you get the point of what I'm saying. 

I'm trying to say that I'm certain our relationship together is like a godess to a god. We fit so perfectly together and I wish I could show you the type of conversations we have together. She says I'm better than anyone in her phone when it comes to our conversations. In terms of mentally or intellectually. I write metaphors and similes to stimulate her thoughts and she is a very logical and rational woman. A trait we both have in union. We're both grown and mature, so however we feel we can let it show. 

I never had that much luck with girls before. They had turned me cold and I never found the girl that I loved before reconnecting with this 18 year old. I had given up on love. But for this amazing woman I can work miracles. I'll work her physical. When I hug her close our heart beat is felt through our clothes. I'd really like to tell her how I feel and what she has given me. 

How can I tell her how I feel subtly without giving away too much my friend?

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2 hours ago, Capricorn3 said:

You're absolutely right.  Nothing wrong with it.  Only difference here is that YOU are NOT A MAN.  Still a boy in high school. MEN don't go to high school.  That's the reality.

That's subjective opinion. There are 40 year old boys. I am a 16 year old man. 

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