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My boyfriend of 2 yrs but known whole life has pushed me away cuz he's not able to cope with his mothers recent passing and us taking it out on our relationship which was once a one in a million type of love


Kim

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So a little background, me and my boyfriend have no known each other our whole lives our parents were best friends since I was two and he was six. We have been basically like family our whole lives. He just got out of a 17-year relationship that was dead in the water and at the end of it he came to me consolingly and we ended up being together. A big thing that brought us together was that our dad's had both passed away within 6 months of each other who are best of friends and he reached out to me asking me how I was doing with my Dad's passing. Well it ended up with us falling in love and we've been together ever since and it has been about 2 years now. My mom kicked me out of my house and so he took me in with his mother who is dying of cancer and she just recently passed about a few weeks ago.

Well unfortunately and heartbreakingly he has come to outright take it out on me and has completely pushed me away. We are all we got is each other in this world. He is so bitter and angry he does nothing but fight and argue with me. He bashes me and takes his anger out and seems like he tries to go out of his way to find anything and everything too argue with me and he turns it around and tries to make me seem like the bad guy trying to be an unbiased person and having an unbiased perspective honestly from the outside I know that I am a good person and I really try truly truly to not make him upset. I do anything and everything for him I make sure he eats I clean while he zones out in his garage workshop. And before we used to have the utmost healthy strong sexual relationship we were so attracted to each other. And to this day I am still very very much so deeply in love and attracted to him in every aspect and I try to want to make this work and I try to be positive and hopeful. But he does the complete opposite he has no hope he thinks that we're not going to make it and that he tells me literally the exact words that I'm a steaming pile of dog s*** I'm a stupid c*** b**** who only cares about myself and I don't know where this is coming from {period} also I have to say we did start doing drugs together {period} opiates and methamphetamine so he blames a lot of it on the drug use his decreased libido his view towards me and and now I have to literally beg him to have sex with me to touch me to want to spend time with me. Like he has not taken me out and we have not gone on out on a date or anywhere for over a year now.

As we speak I'm in the car we finally got out of town spent a couple nights out in Eastern Washington and we live on the west coast of Washington and we picked up a puppy cuz we had been looking cuz I had suggested that we get a companion to help cope with our loss so he has picked up a mail Labrador for me and has put a down payment and will be getting his female Rhodesian Ridgeback by the beginning of March. I suggested the puppies cuz I thought it would be a good idea to help maybe mend and bring our relationship back together maybe focus on something other than trying to buy each other's heads off. And honest to God I am so good to him I don't cuss him out I never ever ever call him any names or talk down to him. But he swears up and down and he blows things out of proportion and over exaggerates and says that I'm the one who is doing those things.

Everyday he breaks up with me everyday he tells me I'm not the one for him and that I should just pack my s*** and get gone and with the whole drugs he tells me well we've been telling each other that we have to give each other the benefit of the doubt and what we say and do out of anger should not be taken truthfully or to heart and that we should forgive each other for it until we quit but now it doesn't seem that he wants to even give me that benefit but expects it for me. Anyway now he's completely Fed up he tells me he can't stand me he's sick of my boys he's sick of looking at me I discussed him and that he wants nothing to do with me and that he wants me to pack my s*** and get God even though I have nowhere else to go and I have no one else to turn to I don't have a job at the moment because I'm going through a really tough time in my life as as he is and what he's not upset with me which is now rarely he tells me that he loves me it just tells me that he doesn't want me to leave him but he's always so quick to get angry at me his fuse is little to none and I'm bleeding more towards not at all I am so patient with him and I let him talk down to me and I still try to act sweet and do everything for him and I brush everything he says under the rug and I'm so heartbroken it's so not knowing what to do. so now the only thing I can think of is maybe go on here and see what others have to say about it. I am lost for words and I truly do not know what to do I'm at my wit's end now he wants to just pack his s*** and now I don't know what to do I'm at I would said. What should I do????

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OMG... ya need to stop doing drugs. 

Please realize that you need to stop being dependent on a drug addict who is tired of you and doesn't love you. You need to get a job, get clean and take care of yourself.

You are not making good life choices, my dear.

AND you're adopting puppies in hope to rekindle the flame with this a-hole? Please spare the puppies! 

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Move out, move in with your mother. Unemployed and on drugs is tough enough to deal with but add an abusive man into the mix and you have a disaster. 

Please return the puppies as you are in no shape to be raising them.

And you mentioned your "boys". I hope you didn't mean children because that would be a horrible and damaging environment for children.

Please leave now and move in with your mother. Today if possible. And seek treatment for your drug use as well as work on finding a job once you're clean and sober.

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You need to STOP the drugs.

And you need to give the puppies away. If you're un-employed how are you going to pay to feed them and you and also feed your drugs habbit? It's not fair to them.

In regards to your relationship, it seems like to him you are a constant reminder of his mum and because he's so heartbroken that he can't see her again, every time he sees you he gets angry and takes it out on you.

With you both being so close growing up and your mum and his mum being bestfriends, you are a huge reminder of what he's lost. 

You need to get out of the house and give him space. If you stay there he'll only end up hating you more and maybe you 2 will never be back to how you were before.

However if you move out, he will sort his head out and he MIGHT realise what he's lost and he MIGHT miss you and come back to you. This could take months for him to do as losing a parent changes a person but it could happen. But in the mean time you need to leave him to it and move on and act as though you have broken up and you need to forget about him, if he comes back, great. If not, then *** happens and life throws you challenges but you'll be living a happy life where you don't have to be with a man who is that horrible to you! 

I hope this helps and good luck to you! 

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6 hours ago, boltnrun said:

Move out, move in with your mother.

Mom kicked her out. From what I've read I'm thinking she won't be welcomed back any time soon.

Op this guy clearly wants you out of his life. You're staying because you have nowhere else to go. Get a job, find a shared apartment to keep the rent and utilities costs affordable, give up the drugs and the dogs which you clearly cannot afford and rebuild your life from the shambles it's currently in.

 

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Just because you've know someone your whole life doesn't mean the friendship will translate well to a romance. He was cheating with you at the end of his marriage. Trying to sugarcoat it with "the marriage was dead in the water is no excuse. When a person doesn't finish one relationship before beginning another, and healing in between, a mentally together person could've figured out what a high risk of failure that would lead to. 

Yeah, your goal in life is to never rely on others for shelter. You're not pulling your own weight and are looked upon as an annoying barnacle that needs to be chiseled away. His way of chiseling is to call you names and treat you like garbage, and yet you'll be homeless without him. And your most important goal is to provide a safe environment for your children. They would be taken away if law enforcement finds out you're abusing drugs. What's more important? Drugs or your children? If you choose drugs and living in an abusive home, please find a better guardian for your sons.

You're childish, (far different than the positive childlike)relying on others for food and shelter. Time to grow up. There are non-profit agencies that help low income people find employment. In my area, there's one called ECHO. They even provide an assortment of used clothes people have donated to wear to job interviews. You have a computer. Start Googling.

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3 hours ago, gamon said:

Mom kicked her out. From what I've read I'm thinking she won't be welcomed back any time soon.

Op this guy clearly wants you out of his life. You're staying because you have nowhere else to go. Get a job, find a shared apartment to keep the rent and utilities costs affordable, give up the drugs and the dogs which you clearly cannot afford and rebuild your life from the shambles it's currently in.

 

I'm speculating her mom kicked her out over her drug use. Or perhaps she stole from her mom to support her habit. I would also speculate that her not working was also a factor.

Committing to a treatment program might convince her mom to let her move back in. And I agree, getting a job is vital as well as returning the puppies. OP, you are in no shape to be raising puppies. They are living creatures that didn't ask to be assigned the job of repairing your toxic relationship.

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Oh wow 😞

Getting the pups was not a good idea ( is like having kids to try & keep your marriage together- does not work).

And this is just all wrong 😞  YOU do not deserve this treatment!

He is verbally abusing you- by sounds of it, he is venting out in anger, built up due to his 'loss'.  He needs some prof help- to help him work through all of this... anger/loss, he has endured.

14 hours ago, Kim said:

Everyday he breaks up with me everyday he tells me I'm not the one for him and that I should just pack my s*** and get gone

Then do this... give the dog back.. If you can't go home- then either a friends place for a while, or women abuse shelter?

Just do not be staying there.

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If you have no job, no money and spending your time getting high, there is no room for you two to have pets, for they are expensive to keep, and you could never afford the proper care. Is that fair for these little creatures? They are not like having a stuffed animal to bring you comfort...it takes RESPONSIBILITY, to which none of you have.

So here you are, your concern is to fix your relaitonship....your concern is to get your act together. That's right the mom talk here...you cannot fix anything until you get your life in order with a job, off drugs and be able to not have to depend on others. You are big girl now, it's time to gett'r done.

As for your BF, he needs grief counseling asap. You can look on line to see if there are some free services provides by charity groups or church groups, or provided by the government. His mental health is where he needs to start.

So there you have it...this ain't gonna be easy, but you better put those big girl panties on and try your damnedest.

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On 2/6/2021 at 10:28 PM, Kim said:

He just got out of a 17-year relationship

This tells you all you need to know. Research the term 'rebound,' and learn why walking away right now is the only potential shot you have of reserving any possible future outcomes.

Meanwhile, you can raise your own bar on a drug-free life and raise your standards to reach your own higher ground. Then, if the guy is ever capable of meeting you in that place, he will let you know. Otherwise, you'll be on the right path to a more productive future with a stable foundation to seek a better relationship.

Right now, this guy is not relationship material, and there's nothing you can do to change that.

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