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Need to voice feels with out stressing my loved more


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So I'm new to the site, first time posting

I need somewhere to have my voice heard by someone but moving on has been what seems way longer and harder then it should be.  The short story is that about 2yrs ago my fiance asked to have an open relationship. I agreed because I felt like I didn't really have a choice it was alow it or she would just leave aways. This went on for a few months, while I 

So I'm new to the site, first time posting
I need somewhere to have my voice heard by someone but moving on has been what seems way longer and harder then it should be.  The short story is that about 2yrs ago my fiance asked to have an open relationship. I agreed because I felt like I didn't really have a choice it was alow it or she would just leave aways. To keep things short we ended up splitting up and its been really hard for me. I've been seeing therapist for several years to work with depression and ADD but sense the break-up the focus has been the overwhelming feelings of I had my chance and blew it like always and now I'll be single for the rest of my life. 

I know I'm a good person with so much love to give, well I try my best. Everyone in my life keeps telling me she's out there I just have to be patient and continue to work on getting myself to a good place but I'm not getting any younger and I MIGHT want one more kid but I don't know. 

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They’re right, but also, are you dreaming big for what your best possible life will look like if you’re flying solo? What do you love? What do you do? What do you want to learn? Who’s company do you enjoy and do you get to spend time with them? Do you feel like you could use a couple more friends? Embark on the very long term project of meeting more people?

 

I was your ex in a relationship, one where my partner was unable to meet my needs due to what was ultimately incompatibility (love isn’t enough) except he would never ever have been comfortable doing polyamory. So I chose not to and continued to choose not to but he ended up ending it anyway, a preemptive strike, dump me before I could dump him (making some assumptions about what choices I would have made there, but what the hey, water under the bridge, wasn’t meant to be). Even if your motivations were insecurity I still think you rock for trying it with your ex. And now you know, unequivocally, you’re a one lady human, your compatible lovers will also be one lover humans. You haven’t missed anything, your ex wasn’t meant to be your forever person. 

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You didn't blow your chance. She wasn't right or good for you. If you had stayed with her, she would have walked all over you and you don't deserve that.

Keep going to your therapy sessions so you can get better. It's going to take time and like everyone has been telling you, be patient. You have a lot of work to do on yourself so you can be in a better state of mind. Think about things you can do to preoccupy your time. 

 

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5 hours ago, Nexnerd said:

 . Everyone in my life keeps telling me she's out there I just have to be patient and continue to work on getting myself to a good place but I'm not getting any younger and I MIGHT want one more kid but I don't know. 

You're friends and family are right. Continue to work with your physician, psychiatrist and therapist.

How many children do you have? How is your relationship with them and their mother?

Focus on your work, interests, hobbies, volunteering and kids.

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Yup, slow it all down!

Focus on YOU for a good while and get back to good.  You do NOT need a relationship at this time- or for a while.

So, stop looking at the BIG picture with all of these 'expectations'... One day at a time.

You are in therapy for reasons.. keep at it.  Things will improve, in time.

For now, is good you are on your own- you get to find yourself again.. NEVER anything wrong with being single.. I have been, for a few years and am completely fine with that... I've been through enough mental challenges :/.. don't need anymore.

How about some decent 'down time' chilling... do you have a favourite past time?  Hobby?  ... turn your focus on to those- as well as a cpl friends?

You need to learn how to be okay, as you are and on your own.. not be dependent on other's for that.

As for your last relationship- in time you will see it was just wrong- all messed.. Not for YOU.

You will heal... you will accept as is, someday.

One day at a time.. you can do this  😉 

 

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Thank you for kind replies, I didn't really know were I was going with that when I was finishing the post. Something I could ask, is how long is it understandable to still be still hurting or caught up on the old relationship, its coming up on 2 years and I still have some feelings for her, I know I will always have some because she is the mother of my son.

 

 

Something I'm starting to get a little worried about, I'm starting to have feelings for my Ex again. I know that this is crazy because how much she hurt me and because I couldn't imagine she feels the same way. I'm really wonder if these feelings I'm feeling are more about my desperation and loneliness.

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5 hours ago, Nexnerd said:

 because she is the mother of my son

Excellent. Focus on a good co-parenting relationship.

Why did you break up? How often do you see your son? What is the custody and visitation arrangement? Are you paying child support?

As far as dating goes, if you are not ready to date, just focus on your work, interests, hobbies and parenting for now.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Thank you for kind replies, I didn't really know were I was going with that when I was finishing the post. Something I could ask, is how long is it understandable to still be still hurting or caught up on the old relationship, its coming up on 2 years and I still have some feelings for her, I know I will always have some because she is the mother of my son.

 

 

Something I'm starting to get a little worried about, I'm starting to have feelings for my Ex again. I know that this is crazy because how much she hurt me and because I couldn't imagine she feels the same way. I'm really wonder if these feelings I'm feeling are more about my desperation and loneliness.

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