My daughter had a bizarre reaction and says I'm not supportive

[Wiseman2]

20 hours ago, Batya33 said:

I have 

I like 

I would

I don't eat 

I decline.

I also think

I'll meet you 

I don't get 

This trend of making the kids parents and the parents acting like kids is getting worse.

[Batya33]

2 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

This trend of making the kids parents and the parents acting like kids is getting worse.

I don't see it that way at all.  I had an (undiagnosed) eating disorder as a teen/early 20s and I experienced first hand people trying to force me to eat/commenting rudely on what I would and wouldn't eat. 

Also had a phobia of throwing up for about 30 years (not a phobia anymore, still a fairly significant trigger) so I wouldn't eat certain things (or drink alcohol excessively) that could make me sick. I wasn't comfortable sharing these personal issues with just anyone and I had a hard time with people who presume that everyone is like them -that it's no big deal to ingest food if you're not hungry, or if it will make you feel sick, or if the smell makes you feel sick - respect that people get to choose what they put in their bodies. 

I'm entitled to say no to raw sushi and will always do so without rude push back - I will be polite in what I decline to eat/taste and then I expect the other person to back off. I think this teenager was trying to test her mother by seeing if she would try a food that she knows makes her mother sick akin to an allergy.  (not an allergy -not an ER trip -I get it -but often aversions can be signs of allergies).

My niece was hurt on her 21st birthday because we'd planned for me to take her out for her first legal drink.  I had been planning to have a fancy drink too.  But I was early pregnant and not telling extended family yet.  Including her.  So I ordered a non alcoholic fancy  drink and she questioned it (she saw me order and I was very careful to tell the bartender please no alcohol).  I lied and said something about having a stomach issue that meant alcohol wasn't a great idea. She made a comment about it but nothing pushy.  I cannot imagine having her be annoyed with me at not celebrating her special day with her exactly as we'd planned - she respected that alcohol might make me feel sick. 

My aunt went to great trouble to make my husband and I a fancy dinner at their home.  Again I was early pregnant and not telling.  Unfortunately she served soft cheeses and wine and one other thing I couldn't eat safely (two no nos).  I lied again. And yes they were concerned (stomach issue?) but they stayed quiet. My Aunt even guessed that that might be why and she didn't put me on the spot.  She's an awesome cook and I ate what I could and was polite and appreciative. Can you imagine if she'd been all huffy about me not eating her cooking she'd gone to so much trouble for?   

 

People should assume that the person declining has her reasons and back off. It's that person's body.  She gets to choose what to ingest.  The mom should have been as polite and reassuring as possible and now her daughter will hopefully learn that it's never ok to push food on people.  It's their bodies.  The end. 

 

[Deedp]

No ma'am. The way your daughter acted was totally out of line and overly dramatic. You don't eat eggs, so it is not for you to do so to placate your child. Key word..child. I would have had a serious heart to heart with my daughter and told her that her behavior was unacceptable, disrespectful, and dramatic. She is old enough to understand these things and verbalize her feelings/emotions. 16 years old is wayyyy to old to behave that way, hormones or not. She better learn now while she's at home and not out in the real world where someone might not be as kind to her as you were. She's a teenager not a baby so start treating and teaching her as such. GL