Is COVID re-flaming old (love) interests/muses?

[sadchick83]

I recently decided to reach out to someone who I found very attractive - ages ago.  He was a military instructor I had on a course over 20 years ago.  Not sure why I decided to reach out other than the fact that I had to spend 2 weeks (quarantine) in my childhood bedroom, and was surrounded by old photos, yes photos of a truly great time in my life. I was an Officer at the time and he was a Senior NCO, so fraternizing at the time would have been a no-no.  Not sure of his status at-the-time either, or if he was even interested in me.

Anyway, I reached out and he answered/friended immediately.  I got a bit friendly, catching up and asked him about his life - no mention of kids wife, etc.  I was not pushy but asked him a few professional questions.  Once he took a week to answer back, then sometimes hours or minutes, always with a great answer and some wink emojis. Aside from the professional questions, I asked him to send a photo of the snow (which I miss) and asked what he did on the weekend.  Crickets! I didn’t ask for a d*ck pic, I asked for a snap of the snow!  No response, yet.

Then, literally a day later, another guy/friend who I knew from where I spent summers for most of my life, a guy with whom I had a weekend fling 18 or so years ago, friend requested me on FB and started a dialogue, asked me how I was doing, then that evening said he “was thinking about me all day,” and started an hour long flirty catch-up session. I nearly fainted!! I believe this guy had a girlfriend at the time of our fling (really just a make out session) married her, and I see is now divorced. He wants me to meet him when I am back in the summer...which is really weird cause he married the girl he cheated on.  I could not get this type of attention back in the day if I tried from this guy. I had a full crush on him in 2003.

Of course since the instructor hasn’t answered me back in a few days has piqued my interest in him and I guess I don’t feel as weird for reaching out because someone I knew in my past did the exact same thing!

Thoughts?  Are people combing through and contacting old muses/flames because of COVID boredom?  Perhaps reminiscing of a better time?

Anyone else going through this??

[maritalbliss86]

31 minutes ago, sadchick83 said:

He wants me to meet him when I am back in the summer...which is really weird cause he married the girl he cheated on.  I could not get this type of attention back in the day if I tried from this guy. I had a full crush on him in 2003.

He sounds seedy... ick!!!  Be careful, attention may feel nice, but is it really worth starting something up with a creep?

31 minutes ago, sadchick83 said:

Of course since the instructor hasn’t answered me back in a few days has piqued my interest in him and I guess I don’t feel as weird for reaching out because someone I knew in my past did the exact same thing!

 

Do you know if he's married??  You kind of imply that he could be (?)

[sadchick83]

1 minute ago, maritalbliss86 said:

He sounds seedy... ick!!!  Be careful, attention may feel nice, but is it really worth starting something up with a creep?

Do you know if he's married??  You kind of imply that he could be (?)

The summer guy came on so strong...Jeez, I read his fb, mentioned mental health and suicide.  I hope he is ok.  I agree Marital, not sure what his intentions are to come on so strong??

Re: the other guy.  I would think when you ask what activities they like to do and they mention upcoming outdoor sports, they would say “with my kids/wife” like a woman might do, but no mention of any relations.  Also, English is not his first language, it’s good, but sometimes things a bit gets lost in translation. I recall him being a bit nerdy/awkward, but I’m not going to “double” reach out to someone who hasn’t answered a question in my last email.

[boltnrun]

One of my exes sent me a random Facebook message in December.  Totally out of nowhere since I hadn't communicated with him since about late 2017.  His message was so lame!  Something like "I hope you're doing good".  I'm not interested in him so I just replied "Thanks, you too".  He got the hint and didn't message me again.  I presumed he was bored or something, so I looked at his Facebook page.  It appears he has a girlfriend who is undergoing her second round of chemo for breast cancer.  So, what an a-hole!  I had another ex contact me years ago while his girlfriend was dying.  I guess these men want to have another vagina lined up just in case the one they currently have dies!  Just garbage men.

I haven't reached out to any exes.  I don't see the point.  I didn't want them back before and I am sure nothing has changed to make me want them back now.

[sadchick83]

2 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

It appears he has a girlfriend who is undergoing her second round of chemo for breast cancer.  So, what an a-hole!  I had another ex contact me years ago while his girlfriend was dying.  I guess these men want to have another vagina lined up just in case the one they currently have dies!  Just garbage men.

What the hell is wrong with people??  That’s horrible!  

I was just reminiscing about an unrequited crush and decided to reach out. Of course since he is very random in his response time, like a lab rat, has me fully interested, again.

 

 

[maritalbliss86]

4 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

It appears he has a girlfriend who is undergoing her second round of chemo for breast cancer.  So, what an a-hole!  I had another ex contact me years ago while his girlfriend was dying.  I guess these men want to have another vagina lined up just in case the one they currently have dies!  Just garbage men.

Good God!!!  

Yes, social media can be dangerous imo... lots of opportunities for past exes to find you and cheat on their partners (or vice versa for married women).  

Just because he isn't mentioning a wife and kids, doesn't mean they aren't there you know?  

You could be straight with him and ask him if he ever settled down in all this time.  

[sadchick83]

2 minutes ago, maritalbliss86 said:

 

Just because he isn't mentioning a wife and kids, doesn't mean they aren't there you know?  

You could be straight with him and ask him if he ever settled down in all this time. 

 

Of course, I agree, they could be in the picture.  I just cannot ask if he settled down.  I’d feel humiliated if he said: “Yea, married."  I just cannot go there, just way too aggressive for me.

So much easier for him to pick up on asking how his weekend went, mentioning what I am doing....I probably already screwed this up. But, I will say he likes his winks when bragging about the things he instructed.  I liken him to my brother...super nerdy, could never initiate anything with a woman.

 

[maritalbliss86]

1 minute ago, sadchick83 said:

Of course, I agree, they could be in the picture.  I just cannot ask if he settled down.  I’d feel humiliated if he said: “Yea, married."  I just cannot go there, just way too aggressive for me.

So much easier for him to pick up on asking how his weekend went, mentioning what I am doing....I probably already screwed this up. But, I will say he likes his winks when bragging about the things he instructed.  I liken him to my brother...super nerdy, could never initiate anything with a woman.

Hmm... to me you shouldn't feel humiliated by that at all!  It's a natural question if it really is just a friend type relationship between you two.

If anything he would be the one who should feel that emotion, but only if he's truly flirting with you and crossing a boundary there.

[boltnrun]

What exactly do you think you "screwed up"?  This is someone from your distant past who you haven't communicated with in years, correct?  How does him not responding to your message make you "interested"?  Interested in what?

I'm sure you're not thinking there will be some kind of romantic relationship after all this time.

Don't waste your time feeling bad about this.  I mean, a month ago this man wasn't even on your radar, so why let any of this mess up your day?

[sadchick83]

16 minutes ago, maritalbliss86 said:

Hmm... to me you shouldn't feel humiliated by that at all!  It's a natural question if it really is just a friend type relationship between you two.

If anything he would be the one who should feel that emotion, but only if he's truly flirting with you and crossing a boundary there.

You are right Marital, I just cannot ask.  It is so out of left field.  Maybe if he sent the snow pic.  Oh well, COVID is making me a bit looney.

[sadchick83]

34 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

 

Don't waste your time feeling bad about this.  I mean, a month ago this man wasn't even on your radar, so why let any of this mess up your day?

 

Bolt, just feeling COVID weird.  Somehow I got thinking about past crushes during lockdown.  Also, my college boyfriend, a guy I met in first year university and backpacked through Europe with recently committed suicide, an overdose.

He was a very successful guy (a psychiatrist if you can believe), and it shook me to my core that I didn’t answer some of his FB posts, or try to reach out to him over the years, more than just a quick message.  I really should have. He was going through a difficult divorce and couldn’t cope with lockdowns, etc.  I honestly would have dated him post-divorce, but neither of us knew the other may have been interested.

Nothing to do with this guy, except that promised myself if I feel like reaching out to someone, I will.  Life is short.  OK, so I am crushing on him a bit. It isn’t ruining my day and I won’t waste my time, but just so weird someone else did the same thing to me a day later.

 

[Batya33]

I don’t think it’s a thing - what is more of a thing is people reaching out to friends they may have lost touch with - because of covid. Example :  one of my friends went MIA on me a year or so earlier.  This past May I realized her older son had just turned 18 and was a graduating senior.  Because of covid I reached out - the news was saturated with the plight of graduating seniors now missing out on everything.  
we’re now in touch again.  She so appreciated me reaching out and remembering her son’s bday.  She apologized for being out of touch. 

But to me it’s different to reach out because you’re lonely from being isolated - and then reaching out to an old flame.  That’s self absorbed.  if the guy was legitimately concerned about how you or one of your family members were doing then fine.  But then you limit the contact to that.  I think people who like to resurface to inappropriately test the waters do so more often in this sort of situation but only because they already had that inappropriate inclination. 

[Andrina]

When people aren't happy in their present, they usually look to the past find happiness. However, it's usually not found there, especially if those people live far from you.

Sometimes the guy doesn't mention right away about his wife/gf because he's been surprised by a fun ego boost, and might not want to ruin the fleeting intrigue that will go away once he mention his SO.

I'd look more to the present, and maybe just keep busy with other things like a new hobby until it's safe to date again. And then date locally, which has a higher risk of success than the more difficult route you're trying navigate.

[sadchick83]

1 hour ago, Andrina said:

When people aren't happy in their present, they usually look to the past find happiness. However, it's usually not found there, especially if those people live far from you.

Sometimes the guy doesn't mention right away about his wife/gf because he's been surprised by a fun ego boost, and might not want to ruin the fleeting intrigue that will go away once he mention his SO.

I'd look more to the present, and maybe just keep busy with other things like a new hobby until it's safe to date again. And then date locally, which has a higher risk of success than the more difficult route you're trying navigate.

This makes so much sense Andrina, thank you.

[greendots]

6 hours ago, sadchick83 said:

Thoughts?  Are people combing through and contacting old muses/flames because of COVID boredom?  Perhaps reminiscing of a better time?

My guess, it's happening because it's easier to reconnect with people you're already familiar with. Whereas meeting new people takes a lot more work, especially with Covid-19 around.

 

[Jibralta]

21 hours ago, sadchick83 said:

Thoughts?  Are people combing through and contacting old muses/flames because of COVID boredom?  Perhaps reminiscing of a better time?

I'm not much of a phone/text communicator, but boy was I texting like a fiend with random people when COVID first hit. Not old flames, but then I'm not single.

And I think if my circumstances were different, for example, if I felt lonely, I probably would feel compelled to contact old flames.

I'd probably make quite a few hasty (and potentially bad) decisions based on loneliness. I could see me starting up my Facebook account again, perhaps even other social media as well, and that would undoubtedly expose me to all manner of mischief. 

I'd most certainly be more prone to crushes. I'd probably feel a lot like you do with the first guy, grasping at straws, hoping he's single. 

Looking at it from his side of things, if I'm simply chatting with an old colleague that reached out to me after 20 years--especially one that was my student--I probably wouldn't interject my relationship status into the conversation.

In my experience, broaching that subject makes relationships part of the conversation. It gives the other person wiggle room to discuss their singleness, or to complain about their marriage, etc. I don't like that. 

About the photo request... If I got that request from anyone I'd probably ignore it. It just seems pretty pointless and unimportant. If you really want to see a picture of the snow, look online or ask some other friend who enjoys photo sharing.

As for guy #2, I'd steer well away from him. You already know he's a cheater. And now he's divorced, so....