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I want YOUR thoughts on a communication issue


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My significant other (“S.O.”) and I occasionally have problems communicating. An issue popped up recently and I was hoping to get your thoughts.

I called my S.O. on Friday afternoon an hour before I got off work. They informed me they were going to go golfing with their sibling and I was welcome to join. I politely declined as I was in the midst of work.

An hour later, I realized my temporary workplace was close to the golf driving range and gave my S.O. a call as I wanted to stop by.  No answer, no big deal as I was still wrapping up at work. I called a few more times before taking off about 30 minutes later. I sent a quick text “What driving range did you go to?”

 

About 15 minutes later my S.O. went to their golfing bag and noticed my missed calls and text message.

 

What would be the BEST response in this situation, a callback, or a text?

 

 

To be clear, this is not a huge issue, but I want to get your opinion on what the best method would be for communication here. Please either write in, a call back or text. Thanks so much!

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If you were both the type of couple who would call instead of texting most of the time then a call would seem normal however he was with his friends and if he was still at the driving range and unable to call then a text back to apologise for the missed calls would be acceptable i'd say. 

You declined his offer to start with so he obviously put his phone away and didn't think you'd be joining so he spent time with his mates away from his phone. 

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9 minutes ago, melancholy123 said:

Why are you worrying about this?  You said you didnt want to go, they left their phone elsewhere.  This is not a big deal.  Phone call or text is fine.

I agree.  Once you decline, it's fine to change your mind last minute..  Not fine to expect people to drop everything to follow up.

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I'm confused.. you asked about a 'communication issue'?

But ask which is better a call or text.

Seems like you are more bothered on how many times you tried to get hold of them, but they did not respond because their phone was in golf bag.

Whichever way they respond is not an issue.

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I'm assuming you would have preferred a call versus a text. A partner might have different views on things and partners aren't mind readers. If you would prefer things done a certain way, discuss that with your partner. Sometimes a couple will never be on the same wavelength and maybe aren't compatible. Sometimes a couple needs to learn communication skills by reading books together like Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus.

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2 hours ago, sarahsmith112 said:

What would be the BEST response in this situation, a callback, or a text?

It would make zero difference to me. Either would be fine. 

If I were upset about whatever the chosen method of communication was (and I am guessing they texted you when you wanted a call, yes?), I would imagine there were deeper problems and this was a symptom of some other conflict. 

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Some time ago I had discussed (via text) plans with a friend for me to pick her up and then meet some other friends for lunch.  She never responded when I asked her what time would be good to pick her up, so I went ahead and met my other friends.  About an hour I'd left home (the restaurant was about 25 minutes from my house in the opposite direction from where this friend lived, and she lived about 25 minutes from me, so I had been at the restaurant for about 30 minutes), she texted me saying "OK, I'm ready for you to pick me up!!"  She'd done this before, plus I wasn't about to leave the restaurant and my other friends to make an almost hour long round trip to pick her up.  So I texted back "Since you didn't reply to my message asking what time worked for you I presumed you weren't coming.  I'm already at the restaurant with K, J and D.  Sorry, but we'll have to plan something for another time".  She replied that she'd gotten busy doing something else and didn't think to reply confirming.  She wasn't mad or anything, but she needed to realize people aren't just going to sit around waiting for her to decide if she's coming or not.

I would say since you declined the invitation there wasn't any obligation for the other person to have their phone on them waiting for messages from you.  And if they were busy golfing there's no obligation (also would have been rude) for them to step away from their golf game to talk on the phone with you or anyone else.

Are you arguing with them that they should have called you?

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I'm curious to hear about the other times you feel he isn't communicating well.

Because based on your first and only post you're the one with the issue and it's not about communication it's about insecurity.

 

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Being surrounded by friends is not the best time to make a phone call--or possibly even a text.

We don't know how your SO perceived the situation in that moment, but since you'd already declined, I'd chalk it up to "doesn't matter..."

It's not fair to expect someone on the go to stay plugged into communications that they are not expecting. If you'd remarked that this is an emergency, I'd expect a call back, but not a question that's long since become a moot point.

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Not seeing the issue.  Honestly, I wouldn't have even reached out after the change in events.  Would've figured my wife would get to enjoy a one-on-one activity with her sibling.  Nothing wrong with you two doing your own thing one Friday afternoon.  

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