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Why is my guy friend so insecure?


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I think he is envious of me when I accomplish something in life and do something better than him. Or whenever he knows I am w male friends he's like "new boyfriend eh?" "so any new hot guys out there yet?" "time for you to find a swedish boyfriend", he told told me months ago that he was just teasing me as a friend, but it keeps happening whenever I talk to guys and friends. He used to put me down a year ago when he got stressed at uni, now I feel like he tends to support me in stuff but still tries to put me down time to time and is also very hot & cold towards me. Sometimes he'd say he wants to visit me and then just doesn't even properly respond to my messages. Rarely compliments me but admitted that I am attractive. I used to like him before but because of this I kinda lost interest even though I still got some feelings for him, but he never asked me out and told my best friend that he feels that we have a rare connection platonically that he feels like he had known me for years, but he is unsure because of the distance and doesn't think we match romantically well.(he has said that a year ago) I feel like he does this only with me, but not with his other female friends. Why? I didn't do anything bad to him. We also live in different countries. He's single and been trying to find a girl in his country but haven't found anyone yet and gets sad about his dating life. I'm supportive of him but he puts down himself also and I always try to tell him that the things he is saying are not true, but he still keeps saying bad things about himself. And now it's sometimes hard to even have a proper conversation or to open up to me.
 

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1 hour ago, AggratingDoubt said:

whenever he knows I am w male friends he's like "new boyfriend eh?" "so any new hot guys out there yet?" "time for you to find a swedish boyfriend", he told told me months ago that he was just teasing me as a friend, but it keeps happening whenever I talk to guys and friends.

There's always a little truth in 'joking'.  He's jealous - crap behaviour 😞 which will just push people away.

Sarcasm such as this is not attractive.

1 hour ago, AggratingDoubt said:

he tends to support me in stuff but still tries to put me down time to time and is also very hot & cold towards me.

- His attitude... he's miserable.

Don't over to 'trying' to bring someone's mood up- if all they are is miserable.. will only bring YOU down.

1 hour ago, AggratingDoubt said:

I used to like him before but because of this I kinda lost interest even though I still got some feelings for him,

Limit your time with him... he can either lighten up or back off.

1 hour ago, AggratingDoubt said:

He's single and been trying to find a girl in his country but haven't found anyone yet and gets sad about his dating life. I'm supportive of him but he puts down himself also and I always try to tell him that the things he is saying are not true, but he still keeps saying bad things about himself

- This is why- he is miserable.  He needs to TRY and figure out his problems and deal with it. (therapy, meds?).  But you can't 'fix' him.

In this mode he is in.. last thing he needs is an actual relationship. IMO he may just reflect this tude onto the gf.

How about hobby's etc?  What does he do with his life?

 

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21 minutes ago, SooSad33 said:

There's always a little truth in 'joking'.  He's jealous - crap behaviour 😞 which will just push people away.

Sarcasm such as this is not attractive.

- His attitude... he's miserable.

Don't over to 'trying' to bring someone's mood up- if all they are is miserable.. will only bring YOU down.

Limit your time with him... he can either lighten up or back off.

- This is why- he is miserable.  He needs to TRY and figure out his problems and deal with it. (therapy, meds?).  But you can't 'fix' him.

In this mode he is in.. last thing he needs is an actual relationship. IMO he may just reflect this tude onto the gf.

How about hobby's etc?  What does he do with his life?

 

He goes to work, plays videogames, makes music and I think that's it from what I know after he finished university.

We used to be much closer friends but then he pushed me away when he was really stressed out a year ago. I even took a break from him because I didn't like how he was putting me down when I was better at something. Now we we're less in communication but I miss the times at the beginning of our friendship when it used to be very good and now he is either friendly or not so communicative, I am mostly the one that opens up.. I still care about him but maybe I am too naive.

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Yeah, take it easy now.  Seems he's throwing some attitude your way.. who knows why?

People change.. and it they are so critical, that's what they do, is push those who once liked them, away.

Is their own doing, though.

I remember someone saying once... People are well aware of their behaviour.

I had a friend for a cpl yrs.. but I dis owned her as she killed the friendship with her attitude/ jealousy etc.

I then remembered, after I walked away- that when we met up, I mentioned to my son she seems to have a 'few' in there, lol.

Meaning more than one mood- like herself... the angry.. and the child.

In the end, she did it all to herself... first apologizing.. to days later, turned it all around onto me... at that point, I said.. nope, as I was the one with the issue (which was her behaviour).

So... I didn't need the stress or to feel like crap over something I didn't even do, yet got attitude over things.

 

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4 hours ago, AggratingDoubt said:

. We also live in different countries. He's single and been trying to find a girl in his country 

Have you met in person? Why bother with a collection of male friends who you feel are jealous of you?

Perhaps it's time to find a local BF and let people go who you claim irritate you.

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