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Loving and considerate boyfriend vs me- a perimenopausal frustrated woman.


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I am a 43 year old woman in perimenopause and I only say such because the effect on my mood is astonishing (and am angry that I haven't had kids and just life stuff). My relationship with my boyfriend is only 2 years old however lately I get frustrated when we start a discussion as we are not on the same page, even when he tries to help I get mad because i'm trying to be independant and then angry at myself. He is the nicest person but I just need some space. After last year I have lost my job, sense of self worth and my support systems has disintegrated. It's not just him- I'm just depressed and feel like i am closing off. When I do let him know how i feel we are just not in sync and so i close off more. I feel bad on myself for not appreciating him but i have so much saddness right now. I need some help and positive advice please. Thank-you.

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Aww, that's sad that your life's process is affecting you at this time 😞 

Your support system is disintegrating?

Yes, it can be hard to have others 'understand' one's struggles..

I gather you are just sad about a lot- and where you're at or lacking.

How about consider some prof help?  So you can 'vent' and work through your issue's?  ( I sometimes see it as like what they say with men 'mid life crisis').

If you are finding it that bad, maybe also speak with your doctor and explain how you're feeling?  Maybe something like anti depr's and/or anxiety?

I am thinking, one way to see all of this... (accepting where you are).. Is to try & see this differently.

1)  You are 43.. with so many years to go.

2) There are so many paths to still take and change.

3) You can see where you're at 'now'.. as just where you're at this time.... things can always change.

~ Some of have kids.. some don't, they went down a different path.. Some had kids - but shouldn't have.. 😞 

Some could not - but adopted... there's all kinds.

Can you not get another job?

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Sorry this is happening. Space and reflecting are fine. Sometimes it's recharging.

It may help to get a specific evaluation for the moods, anger and frustrations from your physician.

Perhaps hoping the BF understands is too frustrating. Or is he suffocating at times trying to "help"?

For example fixing or "mansplaining"?

In those instances, just excuse yourself and recharge in your own way. 

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Instead of asking for space, i would simply plan things for yourself that don't involve him. Try to reestablish some support network. Have an outdoor walk or coffee with an old friend (if getting coffee is covid allowed but there are ways to make it work).  See a mental health specialist as well.

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