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Should I stay or leave?


sabthefabk

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I(22) have been in a relation ship with my boyfriend(29) for 3 years now. We've met eachother's parents.He recently asked me to move in with him, and while I am pretty excited, I do have some reservations. I'm a traditional girl and don't have any previous relationship experience, but for some weird reason, I'm finding it really hard to trust him. I need help figuring out if he's not trustworthy/loyal or if I'm being overly paranoid/insecure.

1)Last year his female coworker had a bad date, and asked my bf to see her at midnight. Bf told me the girl's date tried to pressure her into sex and she refused, so he left her. Bf told me he was going to see her. Once he was back, he told me he picked her up and took her to the beach where she vented to him. Then he took her back to her place where they had food and he came back home.I told him this made me uncomfortable. He apologized profusely to me and said that coworker is a "big sister" to him.

2)A few weeks later, he hung out with her again at the beach and told me himself. I again expressed discomfort. He quickly apologized and I accepted the apology.

3)I almost broke up with him and asked to see the text conversation between him and the coworker from the night they went to the beach. In it, the coworker repeatedly stated just how drunk she was. She was super drunk. Instead of encouraging this other woman to go home and sober up, my bf told her he'll leave in just 15 minutes to get to her. So they can go to the beach alone. I asked him to introduce me to her(the coworker) and since our schedules didn't align he told me I could message her on facebook. He let her know she should be expecting a message from me. I asked her about the beach incident politely, to which she replied "Nothing happened at the beach. We just hung out. He's a friend of mine" then blocked me. She made some racist comments about me to my bf at work, and bf told me she said she doesn't want to interact with me. I told bf I was hurt and he apologized for her behavior. She, however, kept texting bf asking him how things are between us. I told bf I'm not comfortable with him contacting her for non-work related reasons and he agreed and we moved on.

4)I once asked him to show me his work place. He resisted but eventually gave in. He walked me around the office but didn't introduce me to anyone, including the coworker I was concerned with.

5)He goes to nightclubs quite often. He's invited me a couple of times after I turned 21 but I couldn't since I live with parents and I'm not allowed to go to clubs. I am absolutely, 100% uncomfortable with night clubs and going to them. I told him I am uncomfortable with him going to night clubs.He told me he will neither drink nor dance at the night club. Another time, I asked him to not go when none of his friends were going with him. He agreed not to go and pouted. Eventually, I gave in, apologized to him, and told him to go.

6)He went on a Las Vegas boys' trip with a boy pal. Before the boys' trip, he verbally expressed his friend's intent to use their shared rented car to "pick up girls in the ferrari," and to hire sex workers.

7)This year, this same friend is visiting my bf from Miami and they plan on taking a vacation on New years together.

8) Bf went to vegas and grand canyon last winter. I asked him who he went with and he said he went with guy friends. A friend of his posted pics from this trip and I saw a picture of my bf, his guy friend, the guy friend's girlfriend, and the guy friend's female roommate. I confronted bf and he seriously apologized.He told me he hid the fact that girls were on this trip too because the female roommate decided to accompany them at the last minute and he knew I'd be uncomfortable given how I reacted to the beach hangout with his coworker an year earlier.

Other than my trust issues above, this guy has been absolutely lovely to me. He's asked me to marry him. My parents(who don't approve of him due to diff religions) insulted him and he still stayed with me. Dad tried to get a restraining order on him, but bf stayed. I am applying to medical school now and can't really see him since I'm studying for the MCATs. He visits me at work(I work night shifts) in the middle of the night every week so we can hang out while I'm on break.

Tl;dr My question is: Do you guys think I should stay in this relationship Or should I break up given his activities listed above. I'm having trouble trusting him(my dad also cheated on mom several times) but I don't know if it's because he's giving me reason to not trust him or if I'm insecure. Are these relatively minor relationship problems or are these huge red flags? I feel like he really loves me, or why else would he stay with me knowing my parents are so strict?But if he really loves me, why does he keep hanging out with women?

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Why did your father try to get a restraining order. 
 

I would have dumped this guy, as he has continually made this girl a priority over you. He has disrespected and lied to you repeatedly and has tried  to keep you separate from other areas of his life.  Didn’t you think it was strange that he didn’t introduce you to anyone at work?
 

 Have you met his friends? 
 

I would bet money that he has cheated! 
 

A lot of big red flags.  He is not trustworthy.  Dump him!   
 

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All I see is a million red flags waving all over the place.  Add to that, your parents don't approve of him (different religions) and you father wanted to get a restraining order on him (must have had a good reason).  And many, many reasons to not trust (imo).  In general, I would say you two are incompatible.  On two different pages.  I'm not sure what you future would be like with this guy, but maybe it's time to rethink this relationship.

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3 hours ago, sabthefabk said:

 My parents(who don't approve of him due to diff religions)

. Dad tried to get a restraining order on him, but bf stayed. 

After 3 years he Did not ask you to marry him or propose.

He asked you to move in as a housekeeper and convenient access to sex while he lies and plays the field.

Moving in is about convenience, it's Not a commitment. Why be roommates with benefits and housekeeper when you are trying to get into grad school?

It seems like you are scheduled for an arranged marriage and unhappy and rebelling.

However it seems like your rebellion is more like cutting off your nose to spite your face.

Talk to your parents. Ask if you can delay the arranged marriage and have more of a say in the choices.

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He sickens me just reading about him on the page. His relationship boundaries suck, and you're quite naive to believe such cockamamie stories. If he loves you, it's a convoluted way of loving. And if his only interest is regularly hanging out at bars and taking wild party trips with the guys, it sounds like he's mentally a decade behind. People who are in serious relationships evolve in ways that solidify a relationship, not invite mistrust and temptation.

Be alone. Concentrate on your education. When you get some time and distance away from this dirtbag, you'll shake your head at why you stayed so long. You might have been too young without life experience to know better before this, but you're a bit older now so those alarm bells mean something. Ignore them at your own risk.

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7 hours ago, Hollyj said:

Why did your father try to get a restraining order. 
 

I would have dumped this guy, as he has continually made this girl a priority over you. He has disrespected and lied to you repeatedly and has tried  to keep you separate from other areas of his life.  Didn’t you think it was strange that he didn’t introduce you to anyone at work?
 

 Have you met his friends? 
 

I would bet money that he has cheated! 
 

A lot of big red flags.  He is not trustworthy.  Dump him!   
 

I agree with this... Don't move in with him.  

The only thing (you did) that I wouldn't like is, asking to see his work.  If you can't trust a guy to go to work, then that's enough right there to end it.

 

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10 hours ago, Hollyj said:

I would have dumped this guy, as he has continually made this girl a priority over you. He has disrespected and lied to you repeatedly and has tried  to keep you separate from other areas of his life.  Didn’t you think it was strange that he didn’t introduce you to anyone at work?

Exactly. This guy is bad news. Don't be desperate. You can do way better.

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11 hours ago, sabthefabk said:

Last year his female coworker had a bad date, and asked my bf to see her at midnight. Bf told me the girl's date tried to pressure her into sex and she refused, so he left her

IMO, I doubt he was going to do anything with this gal-friend.

She didn't give into her 'date', why would she be giving into your bf?

 

11 hours ago, sabthefabk said:

should I break up given his activities listed above. I'm having trouble trusting him(my dad also cheated on mom several times) but I don't know if it's because he's giving me reason to not trust him or if I'm insecure.

I see how you can be a little insecure- but too much jealousy isn't good.

IF you just cannot 'trust' him, this spells ongoing problems.

I feel some of this, is stemmed from your past.  Not everyone cheats.  ( he is allowed to go out with his buddies, he is allowed to vacation with his friends)... If you push too much, he can come to resent this.. = more issue's

So, is on YOU.  Can you accept he's got friends and will do things with them?

Can you get over your jealousy when it comes to him?

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