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She says she really likes me, but doesn't eally keeping in regular touch


enfezado

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I met someone 6 months ago, and we get on great. She's in Italy at the moment, and will be there till March. She says she really likes me, misses me and that she wants to see me when she's back. Thing is, she isn't really keeping in regular touch. I don't think of myself as particularly needy, but a few messages a day and a few phone calls a week doesn't seem unreasonable to me. Her actions don't seem to match her words. This bothers me, as I don't want to be messed around. Should I say something now, or is it better to say nothing and wait till she's back?

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19 minutes ago, enfezado said:

I met someone 6 months ago, and we get on great. She's in Italy at the moment, and will be there till March. She says she really likes me, misses me and that she wants to see me when she's back. 

How long were you hanging out in person before she went to Italy? Why is she there at the moment? Work? School? Are you dating or is there an understanding of what your situation is? 

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Why does it need to be an all-or-nothing deal?

We all have different ideas about a comfortable pace of communication. This is likely to differ even more widely between someone who is traveling and visiting family and friends versus one who is home and not doing that.

If you like this woman, reach out on occasion to keep in touch, but every day may be a bit much. You don't want to position yourself as an obligation, do you?

Consider putting your investment on hold rather than ditching it completely. This woman may or may not materialize as relationship material, but for now, she is not.

 

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Yep, I can. It's not like i'm in love with her... that takes longer for me. It just her words and actions don't add up (for me) If I genuinely miss someone, I WANT to keep in touch. It confuses me that she says she misses me, but doesn't make much effort to keep in touch.My question is really, do I bring this up now, while she's away, or wait till she's back? My gut instinct is to wait, but I just thought i'd put the question out there. 

It might be nothing... I just don't like being messed around

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Wait until she gets back.  Also, match her level of texts and calls.  Don't send more messages, or make more calls than she does.  Let her contact you.  Right now she's distracted with her family.  When she gets back you'll soon get a vibe if she's really into you or not.  Face-to-face is the best way to read people.  Meantime, carry on with your life, your friends etc etc. 

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4 hours ago, enfezado said:

My question is really, do I bring this up now, while she's away, or wait till she's back?

Why bring it up at all? She's showing you her pace of connection while traveling. Put that in your pocket as information gained. When she gets back learn whatever else you want to learn about her, then decide whether she's the right match for you, or not.

If this single facet of compatibility is a dealbreaker for you, then it is. Nobody else is living your love life for you, so nobody else gets a vote on that.

However, if you're invested in her enough to learn more about her, then put her on the back burner until she's available, then learn whatever you want to learn.

You get to decide your own criteria for a 'good' match. If she's blown that already, then there's your answer--move on to find a better match. Otherwise, deal with her when she returns and decide where you want to stand with her.

Head high.

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