Jump to content

Out of the closet bdsm, advice from doms, subs or anyone else would be appreciated


Recommended Posts

This is loaded.... My wife has aweful communication skills. Her poor communication has led her down some extremely self destructive paths. She often makes quick snap decisions and sprints blindly down these 'paths' before considering consequences. When on one of these poor paths instead of stopping to think and consider things she will often double down and sprint even faster putting on blinders as she sprints towards certian failure. Failure being, aweful financial choices, tease flirt with and friendzone her male friends then have them not respecting her personal boundaries, cheating both physical & emotional, sexual assault, planning 3 hours worth of stuff to do into a 1.5 hour window (leading to stress and anger for her),  funneling all her focus into social media so that she can postpone dealing with the results of choices. We've been together 8 years & have young children, it wasn't always like this. She spent the last 3 years and a lot of effort to break my trust in her. 

 

After talking to her psychologist she's come to the conclusion that she's a poly, bisexual, bratty sub, into CNC, needs to be dominated, told what to do and put in her place if she doesn't & wants to live this 24/7 dynamic. In addition this IS who she is and will NO LONGER be forced to pretend to be vanilla. Exciting right? I work on the road, typically home 9 - 12 days a month. When im on the road she sometimes gets so unbelievably horny that no toys will satisfy and the only thing that will do is a good F***, therefore her obvious choice is that she must be poly. I don't trust that she doesn't/hasn't had some side D. She saved this conversation for in person. 

 

In less then 48 hours after coming to this conclusion she made a tinder account declaring her new found sexual awakening, caught the attention of an old friend from grade school, had him over for coffee and to catch up. Matched with another dom, started chatting about sexual fantasies, roleplaying and trading explicit photos, adding him on Facebook & snap chat with the intention of meeting up to play (nothing says i love you like cheating). A 30 second Google reveals her name, workplace & small town we live in. Sharing stuff like that with someone you don't know couldn't possibly lead to anything disastrous...... This was before discussing anything with me. 

 

I don't trust her in the least, I'm not even sure i still love her. If it was easier i would leave her, (we're basically immigrants with zero family support other than eachother).  I've told her as such but she insists she can't imagine her life with out me, insists she's working on her issues and wants to build a future together.

 

It's like this. If i don't indulge her kink she will end up doing it behind my back. I gave her an ultimatum, multiple partners is off the table, we will try the 24/7 dynamic, if she is serious about it then I'll let her chat online with another dom and see if the mental game can scratch her itch when I'm not home. Any (more) cheating and she can find some where else to live. I honestly don't see this ending well, but I'll be damned if i don't atleast attempt it. 

 

Advice or input... I'll take it

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

33 minutes ago, Bigbedroom said:

Any (more) cheating and she can find some where else to live

Any more?  Like ALL of the above is acceptable?

Can you not remove yourself from this woman's life now?  

She is obviously NOT seeking any real help if she's remaining to be active in her quests.  No one like this will change, unless they actually want to.

 

She needs a LOT of time with a prof, like ongoing therapy AND I say some med's- to help get a handle on this..

(After talking to her psychologist she's come to the conclusion that she's a poly, bisexual, bratty sub, into CNC, needs to be dominated, told what to do and put in her place if she doesn't & wants to live this 24/7 dynamic. In addition this IS who she is..)

Enough said.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

14 minutes ago, SooSad33 said:

Can you not remove yourself from this woman's life now?

Years of what i think might be emotional abuse..... The prospect of lawyers, prepping the house to sell it, finding a new job... I really enjoy what i do. The thought of giving up my career just to put her behind me seems worse then dealing with her. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

She seems as desperate and lonely as you in all of this.

It's unfortunate that you have kids and are legally married. However adding more kink and craziness to the already toxic situation isn't helping.

She seems as unhappy if not more so than you. You're gone a lot you're not in your native environment you both have no friends or family support near by.

That may be why she gets involved in marketing scams, cults,kinks and all sorts of bizarre attention seeking nonsense.

Who's looking after the kids when you are gone 1/3 of the time and she's busy being kinky, pansexual and getting caught up in multilevel marketing scams?

Get a nanny.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

6 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Who's looking after the kids when you are gone 1/3 of the time and she's busy being kinky, pansexual and getting caught up in multilevel marketing scams?

Kids are at daycare during the day. She works a full time job, the kids typically run the show until i get home. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Has your wife been properly evaluated by a psychiatrist?

I am asking not because she appears to enjoy specific sexual activity, but rather because some of what you describe sounds like the behaviour of someone cycling through mania. Has she ever suffered from mental health issues, to you knowledge? I am guessing the answer is yes, if she sees a psychologist. 

I’d be curious to know if it was actually her psychologist who helped her decide she was a “polyamorous, bratty sub” or if this is something she came up with all on her own but claims a professional said so. I would be surprised if it were the official evaluation by a qualified mental health care provider. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...