I made a mistake, I think.

[Dudemaister]

This is the story. I need some views about it.

I (29m), she (23f) has been together almost two years. lived together for 6 months. We meet through dating app. She fell in love with me after 7 months, it took me 11 months. I have issues trusting women because of my mom, and old cheating girlfriends. So I always somehow prepare for the worst.

Anyway my current ex girlfriend is a nerd, and very calm, beautiful. I myself are more intense dude, high energi and feel that I can do anything, high achiver. I fell for her cuz of the calmness she has. She comes from disfuctional family. Cheating mom and her father took her back. My ex is intelligent, and is really sly sometimes and good att lying tho. This is just some behaviors I found out with her.

In May, we spoke of moving to a bigger city because I could not find a job in my current city and she finishied University. But before she moved we had a lot of fights and I was dumb and told her that we should break up and then we got together agian, same week. I did/do not want to break up with her. Its just sometimes I say stuff I don't mean or has no truth/value at the moment. I just say stupid stuff to win the argument when I get emotional. This on-off kind of behavior went for almost 4 months. She blameds me a lot of cheating. But I have never done this kind of stuff in my life. Im a stud and had my harem of women for a while before I meet her. I just want to settle down right now and cultivate family life.

 But I don't understands why I could not stoped the behavior from myself.  But I did not, so I probably ruined her and her trust towards me. She packed her stuff and went back towards her mom and pops home. 2 hours away. We had LDR from August to november. And I hated it. I became even a bigger azzh0le becouse of my issues. But she forgave me. Bless her.

 

In november I moved in with her in the new city and left my appartment. It was all good and no fighting. Then one night I got this urged to ask her if she could show me her phone. She did behave strange towards me, very off that weekend. Always on the phone, took it with her in the bathroom. 

She showed me her phone, but when I was gonna check her Snapchat. She got very defensiven and took it away from me. I got so sad inside, and begged and told her to please show me whats she hides and I would not be angry. I live for the truth. But she did not wanted to show me. I gave her a ultimatum that if she did not show me I would sleep on the sofa in the living room and probably leave the next day. She was still stubborn and did not show me the phone. And it broke me inside. So I left the bedroom and went to the sofa to sleep. 10 min later she came back and told me she was sorry for that and that we should not behave like this. But inside me I was already broke. My trust fell for her. The nexy day I left.. like a dumbazz.

It goes a week and we make a new try at her appartment in the new city. It was a really good weekend together except the last day. She went to work and I took the liberty to clean the appartment and found closed condoms beside her bed. A bag full of closed condoms. I got shoocked by the sight and acted really impulsive of me and took my bag and stuff and left agian. I messaged her and wrote some really ugly texts. In my mind I blamed her for cheating. I could not accept it. I shame myself for not waiting for her like a real man and talk it out. But insted I left because I got so damn emotional. This was in December 18 something.

Right now. I have so much shame of myself when I saw what kind of man I am. I did not know I was this emotional. Usually Im pretty stoic and badass in every event of my life. But girls and love, I have so much problem.

Current I try to woo my ex girlfriend back her agian with Dan bacon tips. I miss her and love her personality. She and I are like peanuttbutter and jelly. But she is very defensiv towards me on the mobile and through text. Tells me to leave her. We did actually for a few days talked on the phone. It was good! Well, she roasted me really hard, but I flipped the script and made her laugh towards us, little bit of sex talk fantasy about meeting up at Valentine days. But she keeps telling me to keep om dreaming and to move on. Overall it was good phone call. I also tried to set up a date. But she shoot my offer down.

 My friends tells me to leave her and find a new girl.

 

 I made a mistake by leaving that day and breaking up. I blame myself so much for my *** behavior as a man. I have hard time moving on and are still trying to fix this. It is current been one month before we have seen each others. The first two weeks when I tried to re-connect she pushed me away and still is. But she told me thats its hard for her to move on when I call. But the last time I call we laught and had an okay call.

If I got a new chance. I would never make the same misstake again and calm myself. I am ashamed of my behavior.

 

What to do?

[boltnrun]

32 minutes ago, Dudemaister said:

She and I are like peanuttbutter and jelly.

Nope, you two are more like propane and a lighted match.  Or oil and water.

All the fighting, the threats, the break ups, the distrust...you two are not good together.  You just think you are because of all the intense drama.  But drama is not love, it's just drama.

Stay away from one another and give yourself time to cool down before you attempt to date again.

[reinventmyself]

You admit to some toxic relationship behaviors.  Unless you spend some time figuring  these issues out you'll return and repeat the same dance.

Wishing them away isn't enough.  Consider therapy and stay away from ' get your girl back' videos.  You may get her back only to repeat the same thing.

[smackie9]

You don't get it do you? You have no maturity to sit down and just talk things out. You act like a two year old, throwing tantrums, demand to see her phone, pushy, say hurtful things, breakup with with her over and over, and never bother to listen or talk about resolving the problem,.....your actions are your demise. Forgive you? no that train has left the station.

[Dudemaister]

I do get it. I have the issues. Im gonna book time with a psychologist to make a plan and fix myself.

I rather not rekindle anything together yet, without resolving my problems. I don't want break her heart anymore.

[boltnrun]

I also find it amusing you think of yourself as a "stud" with a "harem".  She was supposed to be grateful you even spoke to her?  See how that worked out?

I dated a guy like you, who thought he was God's gift.  When I dumped him he was flabbergasted and confused.  How could I have the nerve to dump a stud like him??  Well, his attitude was a turnoff.  A little humility goes a long way.  

[SooSad33]

Yup, I say too much damage is done now.

You would threaten to leave her/break up.  She'd take you back... This is all push & pull.

Does a relationship no good 😞 

Plus, your behaviour is a negative on her.  To assume things, of much she is probably not even doing.

You have pushed her away now.  She is not accepting this anymore.

and I suggest YOU look at getting some help.. as you admitted, you have some problems, with communciation.. and I seem trust? Things like this can not be present in another or all of your relationships.

Back off, respect HER choices now.  Leave her alone- don't make things worse.

Inside you KNOW you have some problems.

Work on YOU.  Stop trying to 'fill the void'.  Learn to live for yourself.. get yourself fixed up now.

 

[Hollyj]

" Im a stud and had my harem of women"   Who says things like this?! 😁

[Dudemaister]

#boltrun. I only wrote that so you people could get a fair chance to know what kind of guy I have been. Im not proud of that lifestyle. I don't see myself as God's gift. Im a Humble person from low-class family. I just hade luck with my face.

 

#sosad33. I'll do my best. I would never like to experience this kind of fuzz again.

[Hollyj]

I had to refer back to your age, as I thought you were  teenagers.  You both sound incredibly immature, and are certainly incompatible .  Get some counseling for your trust issues.  

[Hollyj]

6 minutes ago, Dudemaister said:

#boltrun. I only wrote that so you people could get a fair chance to know what kind of guy I have been. Im not proud of that lifestyle. I don't see myself as God's gift. Im a Humble person from low-class family. I just hade luck with my face.

 

#sosad33. I'll do my best. I would never like to experience this kind of fuzz again.

If you were "humble"  you never would have made that comment.  

[Dudemaister]

8 minutes ago, Hollyj said:

If you were "humble"  you never would have made that comment.  

Its a pity that you guys or girls could judge me so easy by that small information about myself. I understand.

I just want to fix myself. And Im happy and greatful for the comments. 

[boltnrun]

4 minutes ago, Dudemaister said:

Its a pity that you guys or girls could judge me so easy by that small information about myself. I understand.

I just want to fix myself. And Im happy and greatful for the comments. 

You said "I'm a stud".  Not "I used to think of myself as a 'stud'".  So of course we are going to take you at your word, that you have this high opinion of yourself.

Plus, the way you conducted yourself during the relationship was entitled, as though you should get to say and do anything you want and she should just take it.  That's not how successful relationships work.

That being said, I hope you are sincere that you want to stop this destructive, entitled behavior.  As you can see, it doesn't work out the way you thought it would.  You have a golden opportunity to learn from this so your next relationship is one of loving respect.

[Hollyj]

1 minute ago, boltnrun said:

You said "I'm a stud".  Not "I used to think of myself as a 'stud'".  So of course we are going to take you at your word, that you have this high opinion of yourself.

Plus, the way you conducted yourself during the relationship was entitled, as though you should get to say and do anything you want and she should just take it.  That's not how successful relationships work.

That being said, I hope you are sincere that you want to stop this destructive, entitled behavior.  As you can see, it doesn't work out the way you thought it would.  You have a golden opportunity to learn from this so your next relationship is one of loving respect.

I second this!

[Dudemaister]

24 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

You said "I'm a stud".  Not "I used to think of myself as a 'stud'".  So of course we are going to take you at your word, that you have this high opinion of yourself.

Plus, the way you conducted yourself during the relationship was entitled, as though you should get to say and do anything you want and she should just take it.  That's not how successful relationships work.

That being said, I hope you are sincere that you want to stop this destructive, entitled behavior.  As you can see, it doesn't work out the way you thought it would.  You have a golden opportunity to learn from this so your next relationship is one of loving respect.

I got this high opinions of myself because that was my reality. I thought this was it and behaving this way is okey. Nobody said anything. So strange..

Yes! I will learn from this and become and be my best and a better man for the future.

I talked with my guy friends about the situation. They all say that I should next her or she was the blame. But inside myself I don't feel that way. 

Thank you for taking the time and sharing your views about my situation. Bless you.

[smackie9]

Good luck in making positive changes.

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, Dudemaister said:

she keeps telling me to keep om dreaming and to move on. 

 My friends tells me to leave her and find a new girl.

Listen to your friends. Leave her alone. You are incompatible and she's not interested. See a doctor about your moods and volatile behavior. If you drink/use drugs. Stop. Sort yourself out.