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Totally Confused and need to get this off my chest!


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So, I have this co-worker that over a year ago started flirting with me and it continued for sometime but, I didn't make much of it as she was married and have hung out with her and her husband as well. It got heavier and heavier over time until one day she tells me that she was going to separate from her husband. After that she started sending me sexual innuendos and wanting to hang out with me all the time. This continues and she then tells me that she has made her decision and is going to divorcee him and she kicked him out of their house, soon after COVID hits and we and we have to start working from home. That is when things started getting hot and heavy we started video chatting and talking almost every night, and in time I started going over to her house regularly (we had been talking and self quarantined, so we still felt safe with each other). One thing leads to another and we start having sex,( I was still a bit uncomfortable and told her that I was uncomfortable, as I did not want to be a rebound relationship and started withdrawing). This continues all summer long, although she did state that she's afraid things will change when we get back to work.

Well, we get back to work, though it is through video but, we are back allowed into our classrooms and there our only about 7 of us back on campus. Things continue, she still comes over for lunch every day, on her prep, even in the morning when she gets in. Now we are having sex in our classrooms morning and at lunch! Then in October, things start settling down, no more video chats, no more talking when we are off work however, when at lunch, she starts saying things that (in my opinion) trying to make me jealous. No more sex, ect., it worked!!! I became extremely jealous, so much so, that I could not stop thinking about her.

We finally get to Christmas break, and I realize that I'm not going to see her everyday, and am starting to loose my ***! Last day of school before break we hang out at her house for our video Christmas Party. When I leave, she states "I want to kiss you right now, and we do! A couple of days later, I meet her and her mom at a beach to watch the sunset. When we leave she states "I really want to kiss you again but, my mom ! Now we are into days without talking and I cant stand it! Then I realized that I was in Love with her. Eventually I tell her just that! The response I get " I think we're gonna hat to see what happens in the next few months. But it feels wonderful that someone as awesome as you cares about me. I hope your okay with that. But I understand if you're not okay with i." I tell her that I get it, no worries and goodbye.

She continues to text me everyday after that with hearts and kisses until work starts back up. On the first day of work, calls me first thing in the morning and we chat briefly. As the month of January continues, she still comes over everyday for lunch and reminds of the first time we had sex and she won't generally leave me alone however,  we don't talk or text anymore after work, Until 3 days ago when she came over to my class after work! She started questioning me about another women that I have previously talked about. I had to explain to her how the sexual tensions she thought I had for her (back when I was retreating) were fake! She did not understand and continued to argue with me. I then had to point out (to her face) sexual tension are real and palpablel with her while those with the other woman were fake. She totally got all red in her chest and face and said that she would call me latter! She has for the last 2 days after.

 

What do you think?

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I  think she's messed up.  What do YOU think?

I am assuming with the time span her and the ex split in the last year.

You mentioned rebound to her.. and I'm sure that's it.  To immedietly run after you, I feel she was wanting to get some sort of affection (a thrill) since she was most likely lacking that from her hubby.

Rebounds end as fast as they start.

She's showing all sides of her 'instability', I think.. coming on so heavily to backing off... to jealousy?  Wow 😞 

And another thing that is bothersome, is getting involved with a co-worker, those are so not advisable.... it makes things around your workplace awkward, especially when it all fizzles out.

Edited by SooSad33
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This woman is using you as a crutch to get over the breakdown of her marriage. 

You're just there to make her feel good about herself. She's rebounding, full-stop. If you are hoping to date her, you're wasting your time. It's not going to happen. 

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5 hours ago, Alwaysgr8ful said:

 we are having sex in our classrooms morning and at lunch! 

What do you think?

I think you're lucky the janitor didn't find you.

Why worry about hookups except for the covid and STD risks? 

If she's like this with you, she's like this with others and if  you're like this with others hopefully you wear condoms.

So. Condoms. STD testing. Covid testing. And your own apartment to have sex.

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Alwaysgreatful, you participated exactly in the type of situation that you didn't want getting involved in the first place: a rebound. Separation and divorce make people act crazy, look for validation and companionship while they are not ready for anything normal. It is easier to do a quick fix (sex with a new lover), than sit and reflect on what went wrong in the falling union and face some unpleasant truths. So, your lady friend was self-medicating by using you for sex and attention, without actually having anything meaningful to offer, because she is in all-states at the moment. Very often, after a short escapade, the separated partners return back together and carry on with the marriage.

You were caught in the vortex of their failing marriage and now you suffer the consequences of your unreasonable decision to get involved with a married woman. She took her distance, because she is most probably working things out with her husband and your services are no longer required.

I would suggest that you cut all contact with you lover, who on top of everything is a colleague too. The decision to get involved with a married co-worker is wrong on a more than one level. In particular given that you are both teachers! Being a teacher is not just a job, like any other. It is a vocation, a calling, and teachers are not only there to teach a subject, much more than that, to exemplify high moral values. Teachers, doctors, ministers, law enforcement officers, are professions that require an adherence to moral standard. And you do what? Have sex with another married teacher in the classroom, where you are supposed to enlighten and expand the horizon of the young generation.

Mr. Teacher, you have to hold yourself to higher standards, instead of lamenting the loss of a married lover.

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10 hours ago, East4 said:

Alwaysgreatful, you participated exactly in the type of situation that you didn't want getting involved in the first place: a rebound. Separation and divorce make people act crazy, look for validation and companionship while they are not ready for anything normal. It is easier to do a quick fix (sex with a new lover), than sit and reflect on what went wrong in the falling union and face some unpleasant truths. So, your lady friend was self-medicating by using you for sex and attention, without actually having anything meaningful to offer, because she is in all-states at the moment. Very often, after a short escapade, the separated partners return back together and carry on with the marriage.

You were caught in the vortex of their failing marriage and now you suffer the consequences of your unreasonable decision to get involved with a married woman. She took her distance, because she is most probably working things out with her husband and your services are no longer required.

I would suggest that you cut all contact with you lover, who on top of everything is a colleague too. The decision to get involved with a married co-worker is wrong on a more than one level. In particular given that you are both teachers! Being a teacher is not just a job, like any other. It is a vocation, a calling, and teachers are not only there to teach a subject, much more than that, to exemplify high moral values. Teachers, doctors, ministers, law enforcement officers, are professions that require an adherence to moral standard. And you do what? Have sex with another married teacher in the classroom, where you are supposed to enlighten and expand the horizon of the young generation.

Mr. Teacher, you have to hold yourself to higher standards, instead of lamenting the loss of a married lover.

OP, hopefully you read the post above many many times.  Really absorb every single word.   

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classrooms really, looks like both of you just want sex and nothing more. Why do you want to be in an relationship with a married woman? has she really separated or divorced.

Edited by Spawn
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I wonder, if a school official or the principal walked in on the two of you having sex in a classroom, could you lose your jobs?  Was the sex that mind blowing it's worth losing your job or being disciplined over?

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It's one thing to 'say' that you don't want to be a rebound, but that means nothing when you keep participating in being a rebound.

This woman can't make your decisions for you. Choose wisely.

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You are confused, she's confused...that is what happens when emotions get in the mix. All this can be resolved if you both just sit down over coffee and talk.....just make sure your stipulate the rules before hand....that their needs to be honestly and transparency.

Work through this together, make some decisions, put limits on things, set boundaries, and expectations. Then go from there.

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