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I knew my boyfriend was married but I still stayed

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I don't know if you have seen this thread but give it a read.  Perhaps there is something you can learn from each other.

The lines he fed you were classic cheater speak.  Sexless marriage, sleep in separate rooms, more like roommates blah blah blah.

  You made some pretty serious mistakes but now that you know all the facts and are not lying to yourself any longer you total attention needs to be turned toward your well being. 

 Talking to his wife might bring more drama into your life not less so I don't think that is a good idea.

Focus on you, forgive yourself for your part in this and begin to move on from this cheater.


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13 hours ago, valeriexo said:

I’m left fighting the urge to tell his wife everything she’s suspected was true especially because she’s still with him as happy as can be. I know this bc I took a look at her Instagram and saw all these newly uploaded  photos of their wedding day and the captions saying things like “My dearest husband” or “The man of my life”.  I don’t know if it’s because she realized I’m out of his life or what considering I blocked him off everything but still, He shouldn’t be getting away with this so easily and still get to be happily married too while she’s just stuck on clueless. I feel she deserves to know but I don’t want to hurt her even more than I’m sure she was when she had her clues about me..and I don’t want her kids getting involved either and being hurt as well. 

Based on what you've written about his wife reverting to a state of blissful oblivion, I doubt it will do any good to tell her. Based on those Facebook posts, she sounds like one of those people that is more concerned about winning 'the competition' that she is about things actually going well.

My dad was a big time philander and one of his former girlfriends ended up calling my mom after their affair went to sht. My sister and I were little kids when all of this was going on. My dad even brought us to this lady's house! I still remember it vividly. Of course, we had no idea what the real situation was until we were older.

My mom did not thank the lady for calling her or become her friend. But she did appreciate the validation--and sympathy--from another person. My dad had been lying to her the whole time and making her feel like a crazy person. So, even though she didn't appreciate hearing from the other woman, she also did appreciate it. If that makes sense.

HOWEVER. My mom would never have made an ass out of herself by posting her wedding pictures online with absurd remarks like, "My dearest husband." She kicked my dad to the curb. So what went ok with my mom may not work well with the wife of your former lover.

It's your call. It could go either way.

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5 hours ago, Hollyj said:

How about someone in their 30's? 

Age is little indicator of anything, as you can see.  This guy is bottom of the barrel.  

Where I live, tons of 30-somethings (men and women) live like they are in their early 20s. I don't blame OP for going a lot older. I know I did for a number of years. Hell, I'm still into older guys, but I don't want to date anyone now. 

It's just me, but I think the wife deserves to know the details. Do you have her email? I would write her a calm and complete message, complete with evidence, apologize for what you did and promise not to contact him ever again and then send it. And let her do with it what she will. Maybe she will be mad/throw a tantrum, maybe not. Maybe she will bury the issue or confront. But that's on her, not you. 

Give her the evidence and apology she deserves so she can make her own choice (whatever it is) on what to do next in her marriage. Then gl back to your therapist and talk it over. Sleeping with a married man is a bad choice but it's not something that should bar you from seeing your kids. 

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Well, OP... I'm sorry.  It seems your youth and inexperience betrayed your good judgment.

And the only thing you can do now is learn the lesson and use this experience to set yourself up for a better future.

I would not contact the wife. Let those losers have each other. Focus on yourself and your kids. Recognize that people will lie to you. So its on you to walk away... not understand, not give more chances, LEAVE!

This guy is a user, a liar and a cheat. That is all he will be. He accused you of cheating, because that's what cheaters do. They know they can't be faithful,  so they 'know' no one else is..

You can definitely grow from this, heal yourself, make better choices and have a good life. That is all that really matters.... but you have to make good choices 

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