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Asking Out Phrasing


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Hi,

I know this may seem like a dumb question. But the fact is I've never ever asked a woman out face-to-face. Thus far it was all done on the phone, or via text messaging. And my "Yes" count is very small.

I have been wondering how to ask this girl out. We have talked a few times, mostly 2-5 minute conversations about work stuff. But I've always found it hard to move from there onto personal stuff, and from there onto asking her out. 

Anyways, those are questions for possible followups to this thread. For now, I keep wondering how to phrase the question. Possibly because I think the confidence I transmit will influence her answer.

So, I wanted to ask. Do you think a "Let's go do..." is the best option? Or a "Do you want to...." , or a "Would you like to...", or something else entirely?

 

Thanks

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I wouldn't say, "Let's go" because it's almost a directive.  I wouldn't say, "Do you want to . . .?" Because it's easier to decline that question.  I would say, "Would you like to . . .?" For example:  "Would you like to meet for coffee?"  "Would you like to take a walk with me?"  You don't want to scare her off.  Be friendly but not overbearingly and unnaturally nice.  Put her at ease by remaining calm and kind.  Start off as a good friend and get to know each other which takes a long time.  Patience is key, exercise discretion and always mind your manners.  Women are attracted to men with very good manners. 

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11 hours ago, NMCGP said:

Possibly because I think the confidence I transmit will influence her answer.

To allay your fears, be aware that either she's interested or she's not and that has little to do with belaboring semantics.

You're doing ok with some small talk first. How do you know her?  Wait for the right time and suggest you get a coffee some time.

Edited by Wiseman2
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Well, how about "Hi, I'd like to get to know you better. How about we grab a coffee on 'Thursday' afternoon? I know a really nice coffeehouse." If she doesn't like coffee, there's always tea, juice, etc.

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How and when you ask them out isn't going to make a difference... that isn't why you get a lot of no's. Gotta spruce yourself up, look and dress more polished/trendy like you got it together and not too heavy on the cologne....a cologne that smells fresh and clean, not heavy and spicy. Body language is everything...relaxed, friendly, not nervous, self assured. You have to build up a good rapport before you ask them out, like making them laugh, friendly back and forth banter.

Edited by smackie9
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Without knowing the context of how you know her, how she reacts when you walk up or anything else I will take a shot.

After you two have talked for a bit like you usually do I would say "You know I really like talking with you ________, would you like to get a drink/coffee sometime so we can get to know each other better?"  She will know what you mean and then take it from there.

This all assumes she smiles when you greet her, asks questions about you or how you are doing and generally looks happy to see you.  

If she isn't interested she will let you down easy.  It might sting a little but you will survive.

  Don't wait to long or you will end up in the friend zone.

  Lost  

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My co-worker asked me out over the phone (we sat on different floors, worked in different departments) but I'm sure he would have said the same thing in person "would you like to have lunch with me sometime?"  I actually wasn't sure it was a real date since we were coworkers (and he left his wallet at the office so I paid!).  But from his demeanor at lunch it was pretty obvious he was seeing it as a date (not because he was flirtatious -he wasn't).  We'd had a few brief conversations over a 9 month period at company sponsored events and we had grown up in the same part of the state we were in.  He was very shy.  This happened approximately 25 years and 5 months ago.  After a long and winding road we just celebrated our 12th wedding anniversary.  So yes coworkers can date, yes the date-ee (me) doesn't need to know for sure it's a date, yes the date-ee can pay for the whole meal at a not inexpensive restaurant.  Yes he asked me out in person after that from all I remember but honestly like others said it really doesn't matter.  I knew he wanted to go on a date with me. I wanted to go on a date with him.  That is why it happened.  

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5 hours ago, boltnrun said:

Make it clear it's a date and not a "hang out". Do not say "want to grab some food?" because that sounds like a hang out.

Are you two coworkers? Are you sure she's single?

Yes we are coworkers. However, we work in different buildings on a 700-person compound. She has never mentioned a boyfriend. Noone's ever really sure, but so far I've not received any indications to the contrary.

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Tell yourself it's just a coffee and not sex or a relationship. I think you may be overthinking it or thinking of the possibilities and it's overwhelming you. You're both two ordinary people going for a coffee or somewhere outside of the office for a catch up. Let us know how it goes. ☺️

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