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How to overcome my fear?


Galgar

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Today I walked past a girl I like twice and I was too scared to say hi. I was really upset about it, and I’m desperate to do it, but fear keeps holding me back.

I’m worried she won’t respond or be disgusted with me.

I really want to meet her. How can I change my thought process and just do it?

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Sure. I'd say, "Mind if I sit with you guys? I'm (name)." I wouldn't be rude and only zero in on her to speak to, though. I'd be friendly with the group. And then I wouldn't eat with them again unless they ask you to join. But that will be your intro, you can find out her name, and then when you see her after that you can always say hi and maybe it'll progress from that, and you can read her signals.

There's a book I read where they asked elderly people considered to be wise in the community, and people would go to them for advice. Those wise elders said what they learned in life is that they were always happy they took risks in life even if it didn't pan out. Better than to never try and let good things and opportunities pass you by.

Tell yourself you'll survive if it doesn't work out, because you will. You'll be a bit upset at first but it'll blow over and you can mentally move on. If you're not someone's cup of tea, it doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. It means that you will continue on your journey until you meet the one who will be crazy about you. Have fun and good luck!

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Go balzz in buddy and when you pass by her you smile, say hi, how ya doin? and keep walking, turn and give her an approving glance of interest. Make sure you have some swagger goin on.

True story...while sitting in class before it started, a guy walked in, wrote his name on the board and turned and pointed to me and said I'm Bob Carter, remember that, and walked out lol. I think he later left a love letter in my locker...it was unsigned tho...never did find out who it was.

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You really need to understand that girls and women are not some evil monster that will humiliate you if you try and talk to them.  What is the worst possible thing she could do to you?  Would that be lethal physically or emotionally?  I doubt it even though in your mind right now I am sure you have imagined all the horrible responses you might get from her and that is the problem.  You are focused on the negative instead of the positive.

 Does she make eye contact when you pass by?  Do you?   Does she know you exist?  Do you have any classes together?

Guys have struggled with this since man and women first walked this earth so don't feel bad that you freeze when you are around her.  She is human like you are and if you like her I am sure she is a nice person that wouldn't purposely hurt you.  

Bravery is attractive as is self confidence.  Just don't be a jerk.

For a guy like you, you need an "In"  something to say after you day hi.  Like is she in any team sports? A club"  Does she work somewhere? Have a mutual friend?

In the end you do need to be brave and just put yourself out there.  It isn't easy (I still hesitate once in a while) but once you do it a few times you learn that you didn't die and most women are not cruel if they are not interested.

Lost

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My primary worry is being in front of her friends.

I think what I plan to do is, go to her table at lunch, say “Hey, is it alright if I sit here? I lost my old spot”

From there I don’t know how or if I should initiate further conversation. I don’t want to be rude or annoying and invade theirs.

So how does this sound? Is this a good idea?

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Well if you know her name which I assume you do then the next time to happen to walk by her and her friends look straight at her and say "Hi ________" and then continue walking, after a few steps look back and if she is looking, smile and go about your business.  

Don't be creepy, don't walk by her if you have no reason to be there.  If she is interested she will figure out who you are.  You have to be able to figure out what is her being polite and what it actual interest.  It is something you will continually learn your whole single life.

  Once you clear that hurdle then you need to make the next move.

 Lost

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If you haven't even spoken to her that kind of cold walk up might not work all that well.  You may catch her off guard and she will not respond like you hope.

Keep is simple at first and remember you want to get to know her, not get a new person on your club.  Now if she is into the things your club does then it would be a good place to go AFTER you at least can say hi.

Lost

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12 minutes ago, lostandhurt said:

If you haven't even spoken to her that kind of cold walk up might not work all that well.  You may catch her off guard and she will not respond like you hope.

Keep is simple at first and remember you want to get to know her, not get a new person on your club.  Now if she is into the things your club does then it would be a good place to go AFTER you at least can say hi.

Lost

I’m trying to use that as a way to initiate conversation. Since I have no idea where to begin, I thought this would be the best option.

If I just asked her if she was in any clubs, would that be good enough to start?

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8 hours ago, Galgar said:

If I just asked her if she was in any clubs, would that be good enough to start?

That would be a much better start.  I agree with "lostandhurt" - I wouldn't do the cold approach and instantly invite her to join your club when you don't even know her name and have never spoken to her before.  It would be so out of the blue she'll be quite stunned.  I know I would, lol. Introduce yourself first.  Get to know her.  Find common interests etc.

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How about you get past saying hi to her first and then go from there.  See how she reacts to you saying hi and then you will have a better idea what to do next.

One step at a time okay.  If she smiles and says hi back enthusiastically then that is a very good sign.

Don't over think this to much and make a perfect foolproof plan.  Just say hi.

Lost

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