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Should I text him this after our fight? (I would also appreciate a man's view)


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3 hours ago, Metarose said:

Thank you, Cherylyn. You are right, this is also what I have told him many times. That when texting, things seem more dramatic than they are. He said I sounded acid, when I was normal. And yes, when we did chat via phone or saw each other in person, there was no conflict. I guess this is why I also kept holding on, because I saw that apart from the texts, we never fought. If the fights would have continued in person, of course I would have quit this situation a long time ago. But I knew we could get along like normal people in real life.

And yes, some things seem offensive via text even with family and friends. So imagine with a stranger how they are percieved... But then again, I have texted with other people and it was fun and light. 

Explosive characters yes. Him also. But only sees it in me. 

Thank you for the insight 🙂

Thank you for your kind words, Metarose. 

Back off on the texting.  Wait to see each other in person since relentless texting results in backlash and confrontation.  🙁 It is not worth the harsh consequences.

With texting other people, each person is different.  Some people are good at electronic writing (texts / messages), don't mind fun and light texts and they're careful with how they word everything.  Some people are blunt yet peaceful types.  Then there is the latter.  You have to tip toe on eggshells otherwise it's off with your head!  Same with emails. 

I categorize people into different camps.  The majority of people in my life are better behaved in person than texts and emails.  If I must text, it is extremely brief, important or emergency info only, generic, innocently and deliberately boring and most of all, infrequent.  Never drag the conversation out.  Keep it limited.  I try not to bother people.  I give people a wide berth, time and space.  People don't like to be smothered and suffocated.  Excessive texting or other forms of electronic correspondence feels like a burden or a ball 'n chain.  The person bombarding the other person with texts is perceived as clingy, hounding and insecure. 

It's more attractive to have an aura of mystery about you, don't make yourself too available and convenient.  Be more independent and strong in a gracious way which is very attractive.  Too much familiarity breeds contempt. 

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So here is what I see as the reason.  It's much easier for you to hang on to someone who is unavailable to you for several reasons -first because he's not available to date in person, second because t

Girl, no. You have only me twice, you fight a lot, he says hurtful things to you, have never so much as kissed - what are you thinking even bothering to talk to him again? This is not normal

You're not a couple and are not "in love".  So citing those things doesn't make sense and is jumping the gun quite a bit. I would not send him that message.  It is way to OTT. After all the

20 hours ago, Metarose said:

fights produce emotions, even if they are bad ones. But it is producing a form of connection. Whereas indifference does not produce anything. So if we did not have this drama and everything was normal, there would not be this feeling connected, even if in a bad way. 

 

I guess that, even with my immature reaction I had regarding that girl and the comments

Wow, that first statement is a portrayal of the one of the most dysfunctional human interactions I have ever seen.

As far as your immature reaction to him flirting with another girl- maturity has nothing to do with it. It's all about insecurity, possessiveness, jealousy, and lack of boundaries.

You really need to address these issues if you ever hope to have a healthy relationship with anyone.

 

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22 hours ago, Metarose said:

No, maybe I did not express myself well. I don't feel alive when fighting. I was just contemplating the idea that 2 people can develop a connection, even if it is bad, because fights produce energy between them. Like analyzing where the "bond" comes from. 

The reason I wanted to be right is because that is how I percieved him, like a person who likes to have an argument and prove himself. So I guess I mirrored that. Because I have had debates with other people, but they were not with a defensive energy, so I also did not felt the need to continue the fight. I do not feel that need when I am dealing with a peaceful person. I guess I mirror someone's energy too much and that is why I ended up also not being able to stop. 

Yes, I know fighting is not acting in a warm way. I meant that I would have liked to be able to be warm, but the fights occupied most of the interaction and took my energy, and you cannot act warm when someone constantly provokes you to arguments. I wish I could have shown my funny, warm side, but with him, he only made me annoyed all the time mostly. 

@boltnrun, yes, I have a job, friends, activities. I read almost all the time But even if I tried to occupy my time, my thoughts were foccused on him. I did went out with a guy some weeks ago, so I am trying to meet other people too. Like believe me, I try to occupy my time so that I can heal somehow. I am trying my best. 

I guess that when you feel you have done something wrong, that is when you are most prone to stick to a thought, because you blame yourself. Forgiving yourself for making mistakes is harder than forgiving someone else

I don't understand what is attractive about any of this?   Is this the first guy you have ever connected with, as I do not understand what you are getting from this situation ?   It is very disturbing.

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