Jump to content

Should I text him this after our fight? (I would also appreciate a man's view)


Recommended Posts

21 minutes ago, Metarose said:

I have never encountered someone who needs almost a month to stay away to think and evaluate and then come back. 

He was probably dating someone in this month. 

You need to let this go. No guy is worth this angst, especially one who you've only met twice. If he makes it this difficult to even date in any practical sense of the word, you'll never be able to have a relationship with him. 

He does this because he doesn't want to get closer to you. You're an option to him, not a priority. 

 

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Replies 52
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Top Posters In This Topic

Popular Posts

So here is what I see as the reason.  It's much easier for you to hang on to someone who is unavailable to you for several reasons -first because he's not available to date in person, second because t

Girl, no. You have only me twice, you fight a lot, he says hurtful things to you, have never so much as kissed - what are you thinking even bothering to talk to him again? This is not normal

You're not a couple and are not "in love".  So citing those things doesn't make sense and is jumping the gun quite a bit. I would not send him that message.  It is way to OTT. After all the

6 hours ago, Metarose said:

Believe me, I have asked myself the same questions, like why can't I let him go. He is the first guy to ever behave like this in my life. In the past, I have dealt only with normal people, that at least told me yes or no and moved on. 

I know I sound talking about it as if we are couple, I know we are not. Sorry, english is not my first language so I don't know how to explain. He was very transparent from the beginning and shared his views on love and relationships and it was like he was talking to a friend, so I guess that is why I also used these words, because the subject was much debated in our conversations. Strange I know, this is why I got defensive towards him from our very first conversation. Because even if I liked his bluntness, I felt it was not the time to discuss such romantic topics as if we knew each other for so long. It was too much for my taste. 

Trust me, I wish I knew what is happening, I blocked him in the past, but unblocked him to send him a file but then I could not unblock him for 48 hrs (fb rule), so we ended up talking again, so that is why. 

I know I also had my share of the blame, because I also participated in the fights, instead of remaining calm and ignoring him. Instead of expressing that I don't like his style of communication, I just continued to prove that I am right. I know that this may not be an excuse, but it is what it is. There have been guys to whom I have talked for a year, seen each other few times, one of them I remember was also a little conflictual, but not this much. But I was not affected like this time. Sometimes chemistry between 2 people makes you want to have closure too much. Because the chemistry here is strong. It is the only reason I can find.

So here is what I see as the reason.  It's much easier for you to hang on to someone who is unavailable to you for several reasons -first because he's not available to date in person, second because the drama, the arguments, the fights means you two never really have to even start to develop anything like a friendship or a healthy romantic relationship. 

You know full well that it's only a matter of time before your next disagreement and "pulling away" (what does that even mean between people who barely know each other - don't  you have to be with someone in order to be "away"? -when have you ever been close enough to actually be "away?") - so because you know this is a non starter and just a roller coaster of drama you don't have to put in any effort at developing a relationship, no effort at true communication skills, no effort at building or enhancing trust, no effort at considering whether on a practical level you two can have any future potential. 

So you get to thrive on the highs and lows of the drama you create and he creates and tell yourself you're working on a relationship "really hard" when the only thing you're working on is fantasizing about chemistry and pining away and telling yourself you need closure.  There was never anything open here to need closed plus you give yourself closure if you needed closure.

Please stop making excuses and take actions.  Take the action to be bluntly self honest and react to that honesty by getting this near stranger off your radar completely. He doesn't want to talk with you so that should be a simple matter. Then decide what your goals are in a relationship and then every day take a baby step toward it -whether it's having a healthy interaction with another person -platonically or otherwise, or doing some volunteer work even virtually where you interact with others towards a common goal, etc.  Figure out why you needed this sort of "drama" in your life -it will come to you when you start taking actions that are healthy.  

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
14 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

He was probably dating someone in this month. 

You need to let this go. No guy is worth this angst, especially one who you've only met twice. If he makes it this difficult to even date in any practical sense of the word, you'll never be able to have a relationship with him. 

He does this because he doesn't want to get closer to you. You're an option to him, not a priority. 

 

Uff...I know what you mean. I may have also made things difficult, it takes 2 to tango. But I was always willing to work things out. On New Year's eve he asked what I was doing that evening and I told him I had plans with my best friend and her family. And he told me that it is not a plan, but a compromise. But that I know my priorities best. He aluded at me not making him a priority, by cancelling my plans with my friend. He also told.me that I did not pick up the phone to call him and that "it shows everything" and that he will not make someone a priority if he is treated like an option. I guess these things he said still linger because he wanted to be made a priority. But he was always so defensive that I could not face his energy and let it flow. And I saw also on his FB page that he is argumentative with people there too, and people have told him he is too critical and arrogant. So it is not only with me. Darn, it feels like I am trying to convince myself. I think it is also my need for affection and touch that kept me here, because I hoped we would get physical and I miss that. I guess I learned my lesson to not stay single for so many years, because then when you do meet someone you feel attracted to, you want that feeling so bad that you hold on to the person

Link to post
Share on other sites
7 minutes ago, Metarose said:

But he was always so defensive that I could not face his energy and let it flow. 

With respect, you seem to being going in circles about this.

Have you considered unpacking and sorting some of this out with a therapist who could help you with ruminations and self defeating thoughts and behaviors? 

Cognitive Behavioral therapists could help you with the quality of your life.

This isn't about him or what a creep he is or how defensive he is etc. It's about getting involved and refusing to let go of it.

Edited by Wiseman2
  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

So, he is harsh, and says things that are penetrating and hurtful. You've fought many times and have barely know each other.

You don't see eye to eye on many things. He has walked away a few times and doesn't seem interested, which only makes you feel unwanted.

What in the heck do you even want this for?!?

You two are completely incompatible. It sounds like hell.

Walk away and be glad it's not continuing.

Don't go chasing...honestly, it's going to look desperate. You don't need this guy. He's not the one.

Edited by SherrySher
Link to post
Share on other sites
2 hours ago, Batya33 said:

So here is what I see as the reason.  It's much easier for you to hang on to someone who is unavailable to you for several reasons -first because he's not available to date in person, second because the drama, the arguments, the fights means you two never really have to even start to develop anything like a friendship or a healthy romantic relationship. 

You know full well that it's only a matter of time before your next disagreement and "pulling away" (what does that even mean between people who barely know each other - don't  you have to be with someone in order to be "away"? -when have you ever been close enough to actually be "away?") - so because you know this is a non starter and just a roller coaster of drama you don't have to put in any effort at developing a relationship, no effort at true communication skills, no effort at building or enhancing trust, no effort at considering whether on a practical level you two can have any future potential. 

So you get to thrive on the highs and lows of the drama you create and he creates and tell yourself you're working on a relationship "really hard" when the only thing you're working on is fantasizing about chemistry and pining away and telling yourself you need closure.  There was never anything open here to need closed plus you give yourself closure if you needed closure.

Please stop making excuses and take actions.  Take the action to be bluntly self honest and react to that honesty by getting this near stranger off your radar completely. He doesn't want to talk with you so that should be a simple matter. Then decide what your goals are in a relationship and then every day take a baby step toward it -whether it's having a healthy interaction with another person -platonically or otherwise, or doing some volunteer work even virtually where you interact with others towards a common goal, etc.  Figure out why you needed this sort of "drama" in your life -it will come to you when you start taking actions that are healthy.  

Yes, you are right. I was thinking some time ago that, I feel tied up because fights produce emotions, even if they are bad ones. But it is producing a form of connection. Whereas indifference does not produce anything. So if we did not have this drama and everything was normal, there would not be this feeling connected, even if in a bad way. 

Honestly, when we did have peace (for like a week maximum), our conversations were non existent because we did not talk about anything and I felt bored, because he was not saying much. Only when we fought, he was alive. So maybe I would have not been compatible with him, because the way he talks is in a mischievous way, I guess it is his style.

And yes, it is a lot of fantasizing because of the chemistry. Which of course can cause feelings, because our thoughts create emotions and then we live a fantasy in our head. 

What I mean by pulling away, is when a guy stops communicating. Like no texts, no calls. It is also referred to in the world of dating coaches industry. And they advise women that when men pull away energetically and stop communicating, that you should also pull away and not initiate contact, to give him space.

As sad and unhealthy as it sounds, yes, the ups and downs and the emotions that come from fighting, can fuel you and make you feel as if there is something there. Because it makes you feel "alive" and not bored. And my need to prove him wrong and be right, made me continue with this. Because he would "accuse" me of things he did and said, so I just could not stop defending myself because it was not true. 

I have to admit I still think that maybe his intentions were good at the beginning, that he did want to have something with me, but it got messed up because I triggered his harsh personality and he did the same with me. And I am also somehow romantic and think that people are different when they are with someone they like. Like they let their guard down. And people have their own traumas and do not realize how they react. Maybe I sound naive, but I know that in the past when I was impulsive, it really helped when my partner was understanding and not critical. So maybe I thought I could be like a healer for him. He kept saying that he wants to feel warmth from me, but I couldn't be warm when we were fighting. I guess I just don't like when people have a wrong impression of me. Because I am warm and loving, but there was no oportunity for that, as we saw each other so little and I always had to recalibrate after the fights. 

I guess that, even with my immature reaction I had regarding that girl and the comments, if someone is a nice person, they would not react like that and make you feel guilty and as if you are a person to be feared. Because he never accepted my apology, I would apologize and there was no answer regarding the apology. 

And about the question regarding "what I am getting out of this", I guess I wanted to feel forgiven, because I am beating myself too much over the mistake I made. But I have to forgive myself and not feel that I ruined something. Because if he really wanted me, he would have not stayed 3 weeks without trying to talk and have a resolution

Link to post
Share on other sites

I am really flabbergasted at your perspective on how to interact in a healthful way with other human beings.  

No, bad emotions do not foster positive or healthful connections with other human beings.

Saying you are warm and loving and acting in a warm way (and in a loving way to people you know well - otherwise just act in a tactful or thoughtful way to other human beings.  No need to be "loving".  Fighting as you did with a near stranger is not acting in a warm or loving way.  Words mean nothing -it's all about your actions.

Ask yourself -for future interactions with people -"do I want to be right or do I want to be close."  

If fighting is what makes you feel alive and not bored I would avoid interacting with people other than in an impersonal way.  If you need that kind of drama to feel alive or excited that is not how a warm or loving person acts.  That is not how a healthful relationship develops. If you find a particular person boring unless you are fighting that is not a person you should interact with in other than an impersonal way.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

There's nothing to "work out". You two were never a couple, you were not "in love" and there was no relationship.

What do you have going on in your life right now? Do you have a career, friends, leisure activities or interests, do you go to school? What do you do in your spare time?

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
18 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I am really flabbergasted at your perspective on how to interact in a healthful way with other human beings.  

No, bad emotions do not foster positive or healthful connections with other human beings.

Saying you are warm and loving and acting in a warm way (and in a loving way to people you know well - otherwise just act in a tactful or thoughtful way to other human beings.  No need to be "loving".  Fighting as you did with a near stranger is not acting in a warm or loving way.  Words mean nothing -it's all about your actions.

Ask yourself -for future interactions with people -"do I want to be right or do I want to be close."  

If fighting is what makes you feel alive and not bored I would avoid interacting with people other than in an impersonal way.  If you need that kind of drama to feel alive or excited that is not how a warm or loving person acts.  That is not how a healthful relationship develops. If you find a particular person boring unless you are fighting that is not a person you should interact with in other than an impersonal way.

No, maybe I did not express myself well. I don't feel alive when fighting. I was just contemplating the idea that 2 people can develop a connection, even if it is bad, because fights produce energy between them. Like analyzing where the "bond" comes from. 

The reason I wanted to be right is because that is how I percieved him, like a person who likes to have an argument and prove himself. So I guess I mirrored that. Because I have had debates with other people, but they were not with a defensive energy, so I also did not felt the need to continue the fight. I do not feel that need when I am dealing with a peaceful person. I guess I mirror someone's energy too much and that is why I ended up also not being able to stop. 

Yes, I know fighting is not acting in a warm way. I meant that I would have liked to be able to be warm, but the fights occupied most of the interaction and took my energy, and you cannot act warm when someone constantly provokes you to arguments. I wish I could have shown my funny, warm side, but with him, he only made me annoyed all the time mostly. 

@boltnrun, yes, I have a job, friends, activities. I read almost all the time But even if I tried to occupy my time, my thoughts were foccused on him. I did went out with a guy some weeks ago, so I am trying to meet other people too. Like believe me, I try to occupy my time so that I can heal somehow. I am trying my best. 

I guess that when you feel you have done something wrong, that is when you are most prone to stick to a thought, because you blame yourself. Forgiving yourself for making mistakes is harder than forgiving someone else

Link to post
Share on other sites

You're using lots of big words to evade what is simple here:

No, 2 people can not develop a positive or healthful connection just because fights produce energy.  That's just silly, with all due respect.  Healthful connections require healthful interactions. 

If you "perceived" him to be an argumentative person who needs to be right and you would prefer to deal with a person who is not argumentative in that manner, why did you continue interacting with him?

If your goal was to act in a warm way, you would have made that choice.  It was your choice to continue interacting with someone who spoke to you in a provocative, argumentative manner.  People who want to act in a warm way do not continue to interact with people who are behaving that way -just common sense.  People move towards pleasure and away from pain.  You say you want to act in a warm way but your actions tell me you got pleasure of some kind in interacting with a person who was argumentative and got pleasure from trying to prove that you were right. So you got pleasure from your choice to continue interacting despite your claim that you want to act in a warm way.  You might want that but you wanted to interact with this person more than you wanted to interact in a warm way.  You don't wish you could have shown your funny, warm side because if you really wished that you wouldn't interact with someone who behaved that way for more time than it took to see that behavior. 

In the last 13 hours or so two people posted ridiculously bizarre opinions about the pandemic to me.  On Facebook.  I choose to behave in a neutral way on social media when it comes to politics (including people who politicize aspects of the pandemic).  So in one case I did not respond at all despite being tempted to.  In the other case I responded to the part of the post that was neutral. I wrote "I am glad you like your new job."  In both cases I was tempted to respond in an argumentative way/to express my counter-opinion.  But I made a choice consistent with my values and goals.  Even though it was a harder choice.  So in your case you made the easier choice - to be argumentative -instead of the harder choice -to act in a warm way -acting in a warm way would have meant saying in a polite way "I see you want to argue.  I do not.  I'd rather be close than be right.  If you prefer to argue that's fine but then I'm going to have to stop speaking with you right now." 

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

It sounds like the more he interacted with you in a negative way, the more you wanted him.  Almost like you had to prove to yourself that you could get this guy to love you.

That's an unhealthy mindset.

If your interactions with someone are negative, and you don't like negativity in your life, the answer is not to try to force the interactions to become positive.  The answer is to decide you want positive people in your life, realize this guy is not a positive addition to your life, and move on to someone who reflects the "warmth" you say you have.

Why did you feel you HAD to get this guy to love you?

Link to post
Share on other sites

I did not mean to say that fighting produces a healthy connection. No way, of course it is not healthy. I was saying that it is still a type of connection. A bad connection, but you feel connected because of that energy. But no, not healthy.

Yes you are right. I wanted to act warm, but my emotions were so strong when fighting, that I just could not help myself. So yes indeed, acting like you said and saying that phrase, really is the hard choice in such a situation. Because it requires you to really not want to be right. And that is hard when you have an aversion to injustice. 

At a certain point, by default he would provoke me, because he was used to me responding. I remember I once tried to be warm and not engage, but he went on as if he did not notice it. So I gave up. But I shouldn't have. 

I feel this situation with him has made me realize how argumentative I can become and how I should temper myself and learn to disengage. And that maybe yes, I can try and be more warm, although I don't owe someone I know very little to be all bubbly and sweet. But they say this is how men want women to be...

Link to post
Share on other sites
24 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

It sounds like the more he interacted with you in a negative way, the more you wanted him.  Almost like you had to prove to yourself that you could get this guy to love you.

That's an unhealthy mindset.

If your interactions with someone are negative, and you don't like negativity in your life, the answer is not to try to force the interactions to become positive.  The answer is to decide you want positive people in your life, realize this guy is not a positive addition to your life, and move on to someone who reflects the "warmth" you say you have.

Why did you feel you HAD to get this guy to love you?

Wow, yes...you are right... I always hoped that our next interaction would go better and that he could see the nice side of me and that he will not continue to tell me that I am impulsive and agitated. So I continued, even if it went negative again with him telling what he does not like about me again. He always emphasized my flaws, by reminding me of them. I had hoped it would be positive one day. So when things were cooled down, meaning at New Years Eve, I was happy. And then I made that mistake. It's like I wanted so badly for things to be positive and for him to see me in a better light, and then I blew it.

Well, I felt I had to make him see me in a good light because I knew that I have this. I mean, in my former relationships, men have had  good feedback about me and they were right to do so. Most of them would like me back. And that is because I am a pleasant person. But he was the only one that had bad feedback and I wanted to prove him that no, we can have a chance to work together, just please see me differently. Maybe it sounds New Age etc, but I felt there is something there with us, even before the arguments. It felt as if he is different and impactful, so I suppose I felt it was meant to be for me to meet him. But why do we have this obstacle now?  So I continued responding to him, hoping we would get to that point where the arguments would stop and he could see me for who I am. 

I don't know, I guess that for some reason, I don't feel good when people assume about me that I am bad. Especially when he did not get to know me. Maybe I want to be seen as being good by everyone. I have to accept that I can be bad too I guess. But I am not all bad, he just saw only that side of me that he brought to light. So maybe he came into my life to show me this. I know that every person that comes into our life is here to teach us something. So maybe his argumentative side is the part in me that I reject so I could not stand in him...maybe...

Edited by Metarose
Link to post
Share on other sites

No, you don't have to "accept" that you will "be bad". Accept that not everyone is meant to be our friend or romantic partner.  And realize that it's OK for some people to not like you.

If you insist that everyone has to like you, you will continue chasing men who are not the right match for you.  And then you end up where you are now, spinning your wheels trying to find some way to "make" him like you again.

It's an exercise in futility.  Be aware when someone just isn't right for you and instead of trying to force it, just accept it and move on.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

You’re still on this kick of rationalizing that if you have an emotional response to an interaction with a human being it’s a connection and that’s why you keep interacting.  Um nope. We have lots of emotional reactions to interactions with other humans. I felt angry that a customer without a mask at the store kept shouting which  spreads more potential particles. So what that I felt an emotion in response to seeing his behavior.  Call it a connection if you like.  Who cares.  Don’t indulge in circular thinking “if I feel something it means it’s a connection and that explains why I keep interacting. “. It doesn’t. You feel X. Then you get to choose whether you are going to react to X by continuing the interaction.  It’s that choice you’re continuing to ignore.  So you can rationalize why you continued a negative interaction.  Do not be warm to people who don’t deserve it.  If your goal is to act in a warm way to people who deserve that reaction then do so. If they don’t then walk away or walk away as soon as you can - meaning complete interacting with a cashier who is rude so you can buy your groceries.  Then leave.  You get to choose each step of the way.  The choice is not made for you just because you experience an emotion.  

Edited by Batya33
  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

It sounds to me like you've not encountered partners or individuals who are open and communicative with you before (without the manipulativeness or harshness). That's the pull that this person has for you. He's communicative and it implies that you both have a deeper bond but it ends up being abusive and chips away at your peace of mind. You cannot be at rest with this person. 

If I put myself in your shoes, what I'd do is envision a relationship that is more loving and communicative without the added stresses, hardships communicating and misunderstandings. This involves someone who is more confident and self-aware, who doesn't play any mind games and isn't interested in leading you down different paths at the same time or keeping you guessing with hot/cold reactions. 

He said that he is not interested in getting to know you any further. This is either a person who is exasperated with you because you can't take No for an answer or he is really that harsh and cruel. It's toxic either way to keep wishing it to be more than what it is.

Always remember that if it doesn't work with a person, there are others to get to know. This isn't the end for you. The more you overwhelm yourself believing that this is/was the man for you, the greater you're building those walls around yourself. Be free. 

Edited by Rose Mosse
  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
7 hours ago, Rose Mosse said:

It sounds to me like you've not encountered partners or individuals who are open and communicative with you before (without the manipulativeness or harshness). That's the pull that this person has for you. He's communicative and it implies that you both have a deeper bond but it ends up being abusive and chips away at your peace of mind. You cannot be at rest with this person. 

If I put myself in your shoes, what I'd do is envision a relationship that is more loving and communicative without the added stresses, hardships communicating and misunderstandings. This involves someone who is more confident and self-aware, who doesn't play any mind games and isn't interested in leading you down different paths at the same time or keeping you guessing with hot/cold reactions. 

He said that he is not interested in getting to know you any further. This is either a person who is exasperated with you because you can't take No for an answer or he is really that harsh and cruel. It's toxic either way to keep wishing it to be more than what it is.

Always remember that if it doesn't work with a person, there are others to get to know. This isn't the end for you. The more you overwhelm yourself believing that this is/was the man for you, the greater you're building those walls around yourself. Be free. 

Before him, I had partners that were nice and communicative. Not all maybe, but nowhere near his degree of difficulty. He is the exception now and the chemistry kept me in to be fair.

And he told me he is not interested in getting to know me now after our fight, but in the past he rejected me 2 times and then he came back again saying to try again. I also felt I didn't want it anymore, but I also agreed because those were words said in fights, so sometimes we are angry and say things we don't actually feel, just to express anger. 

And now even if he said he is not interested again, when we discussed very little last week, he said he is still in that bad feeling after the fight and he doesn't want to rush in meeting. So he implied again that he still thinks about continuing somehow, but not now or something. I never insisted on him when he said no. He just came back again. Anyway, it is unhealthy I agree. Just need to shake it off, because it takes some time to get used to the idea that it is done and it is not good. 

I really am thankful for your posts because they made it easier for me to process and also I was not aware that I am rationalizing things. I don't know how to not do anymore, as I always analyze things that happen 

Link to post
Share on other sites

Both of you are dramatic and incompatible.  Both of you have communication problems. 

I've found that two people get along much better whenever they are together in person and see each other regularly vs. excessive texting, messages, emails and voicemails.  Something gets lost in translation electronically. 

I've found in all of my relationships including friendships that in person is best, phone chats are next best and electronic correspondence should remain brief and infrequent otherwise both parties get irritated quickly.  Unless everything is worded delicately and carefully, offense is taken easily and then it's all downhill from there all the way to disaster! 

Your girlfriends' experiences with men will always be different than yours.  Relationships are very individual.  You have to base everything upon your own experiences and not theirs.

Don't text him.  You've only seen him twice which is ridiculous if you've been dating him for 3 months.  Both of you have immature, explosive, volatile temperaments and not meant for each other long term.  I'm sorry.   Take a long break from each other.  If both of you reconnect electronically such as him reaching out to you, if you two meet in person and if your relationship with him resumes to back 'n forth arguments as usual, it's time to go your separate ways permanently.

 

Link to post
Share on other sites
12 minutes ago, Cherylyn said:

Both of you are dramatic and incompatible.  Both of you have communication problems. 

I've found that two people get along much better whenever they are together in person and see each other regularly vs. excessive texting, messages, emails and voicemails.  Something gets lost in translation electronically. 

I've found in all of my relationships including friendships that in person is best, phone chats are next best and electronic correspondence should remain brief and infrequent otherwise both parties get irritated quickly.  Unless everything is worded delicately and carefully, offense is taken easily and then it's all downhill from there all the way to disaster! 

Your girlfriends' experiences with men will always be different than yours.  Relationships are very individual.  You have to base everything upon your own experiences and not theirs.

Don't text him.  You've only seen him twice which is ridiculous if you've been dating him for 3 months.  Both of you have immature, explosive, volatile temperaments and not meant for each other long term.  I'm sorry.   Take a long break from each other.  If both of you reconnect electronically such as him reaching out to you, if you two meet in person and if your relationship with him resumes to back 'n forth arguments as usual, it's time to go your separate ways permanently.

 

Thank you, Cherylyn. You are right, this is also what I have told him many times. That when texting, things seem more dramatic than they are. He said I sounded acid, when I was normal. And yes, when we did chat via phone or saw each other in person, there was no conflict. I guess this is why I also kept holding on, because I saw that apart from the texts, we never fought. If the fights would have continued in person, of course I would have quit this situation a long time ago. But I knew we could get along like normal people in real life.

And yes, some things seem offensive via text even with family and friends. So imagine with a stranger how they are percieved... But then again, I have texted with other people and it was fun and light. 

Explosive characters yes. Him also. But only sees it in me. 

Thank you for the insight 🙂

Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, Metarose said:

 He is the exception now and the chemistry kept me in to be fair.

What chemistry, Metarose?

You have met him twice and he didn't even kiss you. With all due respect, this "chemistry" you keep referring to is a product of your imagination. You cannot have chemistry via texting. And if you haven't even kissed, he doesn't feel the same attraction to you that you do to him. I don't mean to be harsh, but you are deluding yourself here. 

You have built this up so much in your mind that your view is really skewed. This all says a lot more about your and your unhealthy attachment patterns than it does about this random guy. 

He's never been that into you, but you're clinging to the idea of him. This is not about him. It's about you and your inability (or maybe refusal) to accept the reality of this situation. 

Are you very lonely right now? Feeling insecure in general? Something is driving you to hang onto this largely-imaginary relationship and you would be really wise to figure out why that is. 

How did you even meet this clown? 

 

 

Edited by MissCanuck
Link to post
Share on other sites
29 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

What chemistry, Metarose?

You have met him twice and he didn't even kiss you. With all due respect, this "chemistry" you keep referring to is a product of your imagination. You cannot have chemistry via texting. And if you haven't even kissed, he doesn't feel the same attraction to you that you do to him. I don't mean to be harsh, but you are deluding yourself here. 

You have built this up so much in your mind that your view is really skewed. This all says a lot more about your and your unhealthy attachment patterns than it does about this random guy. 

He's never been that into you, but you're clinging to the idea of him. This is not about him. It's about you and your inability (or maybe refusal) to accept the reality of this situation. 

Are you very lonely right now? Feeling insecure in general? Something is driving you to hang onto this largely-imaginary relationship and you would be really wise to figure out why that is. 

How did you even meet this clown? 

 

 

I have felt the chemistry when we saw each other in person. I have been feeding it with my imagination too, that is for sure. We met in the park. 

Not feeling lonely, I have friends I go out with. I guess I was ready to meet someone after all these years of being single so I concentrated on him because of it. I feel comfortable being alone as I have been all these years. Guess it was something new and that is why. 

But I have learned my lesson, also thanks to all the comments I have received here. I needed a wake up call about my patterns

Link to post
Share on other sites
3 minutes ago, Metarose said:

I have felt the chemistry when we saw each other in person. I have been feeding it with my imagination too, that is for sure. We met in the park. 

That is such limited time to claim you're hanging on to this dumpster fire for "chemistry," sis.

This is mostly your imagination, sadly. 

Link to post
Share on other sites
6 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

That is such limited time to claim you're hanging on to this dumpster fire for "chemistry," sis.

This is mostly your imagination, sadly. 

Now I know. That is why I asked for your oppinions, in order to gain clarity, because when you are wraped in your fantasies, you get stuck there. So thank you again. I have understood where I went wrong with myself in this situation. And now I feel lighter about this.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


×
×
  • Create New...