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In My Head because of My Best Friend (Storytime haha)


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Tldr: My head has been preoccupied with a girl who probably isn't worth it and lives far away, but I want to keep her as a friend.


So, normally, I'm happy being single. An occasional hookup or a short relationship doesn't really rock me emotionally (so far, I've only had one serious relationship that ended messy). As someone who has been on the move between LA, NYC, and Denver, a long-term relationship is hard to come across. The only exception was after graduating from my undergrad, where I lived in Denver for a year and a half.

While living in CO, I worked at a small bank as a teller, and I quickly became friends with a girl (we'll call her Jenna) who was the only other teller. We clicked almost immediately, sharing a lot of jokes and secrets. We were both really open about our sex lives, yet she was in a long-term relationship with a guy in Seattle (they're still together). It never felt weird because I didn't really think of her in a romantic way, even after talking about what we wanted in a partner. Anyways, Jenna and I went through a lot of crazy moments at worked, but we always managed to watch each other's backs (especially after a robbery). I drove her home, we picked up food, and hung out whenever we could.

Then, I decided to move to LA for grad school. As a creative, I was fed up with the bank. I decided to apply for film school in LA, and, somehow, I got accepted into one of my top programs. Jenna and I always knew I was going to leave, but we knew we'd be friends afterwards. I left for LA, and we kept in touch, occasionally calling or messaging each other. I was busy with film, music, and school work, so it was hard to find time to talk to her, even with the pandemic.

Then winter break came along, and I decided to fly back to Colorado to help out my family. Jenna asked if she wanted to hang out when I got there, so I said, "yes." When I came over, it felt like I never left in the first place - we were exchanging crazy stories, good music, funny videos. Both of us were drinking and smoking weed, and a few hours pass by before we were on her bed. Without going into detail, we actually didn't have sex, but it was close. While we were cuddling, she said how safe and "right" it felt. We even talked about what it would look like if we were to do "long distance" for a bit.

Now, I should mention Jenna was already cheating on her boyfriend with another guy (still seeing both of them), and this happened after I left the first time.

This whole thing was weird to me because I always saw her as a friend. But after that night, I couldn't get her out of my head (still can't, and it's been over a month). We saw each other a few times before I left for LA again, but she's been really distant ever since. I can't stop thinking about her, and we haven't talked a lot recently. I'd try to strike up a conversation every now and then, but it would always fizzle out.

It's gotten to the point where I needed to post this here to vent and get some insight. I'm pretty used to "moving on" from lost friendships/relationships, but this feels different. EVERY part of my brain is telling me forget her, but I don't want to lose her as a friend. I'm also not the type to get this emotional over a girl, but it's starting to interfere with my focus and time. What should I do? (If you got this far, thanks for taking the time to read this!)

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I wonder if she's backed off 'regular' contact and the way you two used to be because.. things seemed to go 'beyond your friendship'... So, she may have felt it was too much.. or too weird now.

Maybe she just feels a need to let things cool down a while?  Could be that this should not have happened.. and she realizes it now.

Just respect her actions, if she is being distant, let it be.  Let her think & act on her own.

Also, if you think on this.. She is already involved.. And messing around? ( Plus leading you on?).. Wow, how generous of her!  😞 

This is someone I would NOT consider getting involved with, at all... seeing their actions / track record!



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What do you need her friendship for, OP? 

You two have crossed a line, so the goalposts have changed. That platonic friendship you once had is never going to be restored to what it was, which is a risk you both took by getting too close. She's likely backing off now because her boyfriend is on to her, or she's preoccupied with her other affair. 

Which brings me to the obvious question: where are your standards, man? This woman is not a good person. She is not quality girlfriend material, whatsoever. Putting aside your crush, you need to give your head a bit of a shake. This is the type of woman who would get her jollies from you and then take a proverbial dump on your feelings - pretty much like she's doing now. 

You're not missing out on anything with this messy chick.

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