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Ex-boyfriend broke up with me and lately, I feel like I've been the one who has been pushing for us meeting up. There have been some slightly positive signs of either friendliness or reconciling, we've been speaking on the phone for an hour (something we never used to do) a few times, checking in with each other over Christmas/nye and a few texts here and there. But he's happy to catch up but doesn't want to talk about us as he feels it'll drag things out/rehash things. "I was reluctant before because as I've said a few times it just feels like we'll be rehasing things again and drawing things out"

We caught up over a month ago now and he wanted to see me again but I texted him afterwards saying that it was probably too painful for me to continue doing this and he agreed, implied that it was as painful for him as well. 

What's your take on this?

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34 minutes ago, dustycloud said:

"I was reluctant before because as I've said a few times it just feels like we'll be rehasing things again and drawing things out"

Give yourself space from this. He doesn't want to reconcile, so it's painful to drag out "talking about us".

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Why have you stayed in contact with someone who didn't care enough to work out problems with you, if there were any? He just bailed. If a relationship didn't work out the first try, what makes you think a 2nd try would be any better?

You can't be friends. Friends hang out, and his future gf and your future bf won't like or accept those past ties.

You've tried slowly peeling away the Band-aid but that's just making the pain linger. Go no contact so you can have closure and move on with your life.

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My take is simple, he doesn't want to get back together and it's painful to have to keep telling you and seeing you read more into his actions. 

It's not painful to him because he longs for you romantically. 

I'm sorry to be so blunt but your feelings for him are making you see things etc that support hope for the romantic relationship. 

Do not talk to him, follow him on social media,  check in, or try to catch up with him.  Force yourself to focus on your own interests with your friends, family & on your own. 

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You've posted several times since November asking this exact same question. People have given you good, thoughtful advice every time you posted.

Are you hoping someone tells you he still loves you and he secretly wants to get back together but isn't telling you for some reason?

It's been at least two months of you pushing to meet up and him being lukewarm about it. If he wanted to reconcile he would most likely have said so by now, especially since it's obvious you want him back.

How long are you willing to keep yourself in this limbo of being broken up but still hoping he changes his mind?

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I agree with the above responders...

WHY are you putting yourself thru this pain... continously?

He broke up with you.  That's enough.

To continue dealing with him... talking etc ( But not about your BU).  is this not hurting you?

And refusing to go there & discuss the BU- what caused it etc.. gets things nowhere. ( and nothing can be worked on improved - for any hope of it working out again)

Plus.. if you broke up once, more often then not, will happen again 😞 

So, for your own well being (mentality), how about YOU just stop this!

The more you drag this on.. just keeps leading YOU on.  The best and only way to 'get over them', is to cut ALL ties.

In order for you to to work on accepting and healing.

If he's just dropping bread crumbs.. is selfish of him.

Unless you are fine with 'just friends'.. and can handle hearing about his new, next gf- fine, that's on you.

Time to just stop this... right?  Don't give into him anymore... time for YOU to move on. ( give him nothing).

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  • 2 weeks later...

I understand the urge to want to keep in contact.  It's a totally normal, human thing.  You think that by keeping contact MAYBE you can turn it around -- that maybe he'll see what he's lost and want it back.  But...you're torturing yourself by keeping contact with him, which just keeps you hanging on while he's...moving on.  I've been through this myself a few times, and in one case, I hung on for *gulp* a few years because the guy kept in contact with me and wouldn't just tell me to give up.  (He finally did, which prompted me to do so, but UGH...I wish it hadn't had to come to that! Hearing him say "You need to move on!" was brutal!)  Letting go is hard, but -- and I say this from a place of significant experience -- hanging on is even harder when the other person just isn't in it anymore.  

The best, healthiest thing you can do for yourself is to cut contact and move forward without him.  If, someday, he wants you back, he'll let you know, but...you can't count on that or wait for it.  You have to live your life, for YOU. And, chances are, if he ever does want to re-visit things between you, you will have already happily moved on -- either with or without someone else -- and won't want anything to do with him anymore.  (This has happened to me a few times, and it's quite satisfying, I must say!)

I think you did the right thing in saying 'no' to meeting up with him.  At this point, there isn't anything to talk about.  As I said, if he realizes he wants to be with you that badly, he'll likely contact you to let you know.  Everything else is just noise, and you don't need that.  

Hang in there.

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Why are you in contact with this guy?   He does not want a future with you.  We have all advised you to move on in your previous threads.  Asking the same question whole not garner a different response.  Move on.

Edited by Hollyj
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