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My boyfriend making comments to other women


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3 hours ago, SIDIE0101 said:

The issue that I’m having is trusting him again. I want to. I just don’t know how to. 

OP, no-one here can tell you how to trust him.  Once trust has been broken, it is (usually) extremely hard to get it back. There will always be doubt. Always. It never really goes away.  It is up to you if you want to remain in this situation.  And it's up to him to earn back your trust.  It's up to him to prove himself to you. It can take years to earn back that trust.  Up to you if this is what you want in a relationship.

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Social media is not the problem, your bf is.  He is not to be trusted,  but you already know  that. 

OP, no-one here can tell you how to trust him.  Once trust has been broken, it is (usually) extremely hard to get it back. There will always be doubt. Always. It never really goes away.  It is up to y

Could I ask you what culture you're from? I must be honest, I'm confused why you want this relationship and why you want things to be like this. You're being defensive but I just wonder is it a lack o

3 hours ago, SIDIE0101 said:

Lol I’m not his “house keeper” clearly no one does things for their loved ones anymore. After working all day he deserves to come to a clean home. So does the children. I don’t put him on a pedestal.  This is the most ridiculous comment I’ve had on here so far. This is sad that you think this. The kids are too small to clean after themselves. This is absolutely ridiculous that you think it should be this way 

I don't think it's ridiculous because you are not the kids' mother. That's why it doesn't really make sense why you're doing all this. Can you not find another guy who does have kids and doesn't flirt with other women? Then it wouldn't be an issue because the guy wouldn't even have kids. So you wouldn't have to sit at home all day cleaning and taking care of his kids. You're actually willingly putting yourself in a position where he can take advantage of you. To have respect you need to show your partner that you won't just do anything and everything to be liked. You're making it all too easy for your boyfriend and he knows it's easy. He knows he can just write whatever he wants on another woman's pictures and talk to that woman on Facebook and he'll just get away with it because you'll still be around. Also if he deleted social media then obviously he doesn't have to show people he actually has a girlfriend? Maybe he deleted it more for himself than for you.

Edited by Tinydance
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19 hours ago, SIDIE0101 said:

I came in here bc I am asking how do you learn to trust someone after they tell a lie

Unfortunately, lies are like coach roaches. If there's one, you can be sure there's plenty you just can't see.

Where is his children's mother? Can he hire a nanny or housekeeper to manage things?

How much child support does he pay? How is his co-parenting relationship with his children's mother?

Do you live there or at home? Does he pay you for your services or simply pay your room and board?

Do you work or go to school? How do you pay for things like phone, car, clothes etc? If you are working full time as a housekeeper and nanny, but not being paid?

Does he want to get engaged or married again? Why are you ruining your future being his slave?

Edited by Wiseman2
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I feel this page has literally not done anything for me. I feel attacked and people telling me I am the problem in this relationship. I simply asked how does one learn to trust again? I got one maybe 2 answers to this. Everyone else was freaking out about the back story. It’s sickening the fact y’all have such an issue with me taking care of the household. I am just dumbfounded in the responses. Therefore I’m deleting my account. It’s terrible. 

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30 minutes ago, SIDIE0101 said:

I feel attacked and people telling me I am the problem in this relationship.

It's hard when only one person (usually) comes to get advice... the advice givers try to see it from a bigger perspective than you maybe can.  They can, "see," that this man is treating you badly, but maybe you can't see that(?) and just want help trusting again.  This frustrates the commenters because it means you're ok with staying in something that looks very bad for you and for your future.

The other commenters trying to help you, they can, "see," that you're allowing him to treat you this way, and kind of getting in your own way.  I don't believe any of them are trying to attack you, but I can see how it would feel that like attacks because a lot of this does have to do with what you're allowing in your life.

You just want help with trusting him again... but you can't see all the reasons why that's going to be very hard, if not impossible, for you to do when he does/says certain things and behaves in the way you described.  He's just not trustworthy, period.  No one here can help you fix that.

It almost sounds like you want some kind of quick fix to this problem you're having, but there just isn't one quick fix. 

There's no magical wand that can make you trust him again, when he's very untrustworthy and seems to have bad character.  The only solution to trusting him again would be to live in denial of the truth, which would harm you in the long-run.

 

34 minutes ago, SIDIE0101 said:

It’s sickening the fact y’all have such an issue with me taking care of the household.

I don't think they have an issue with someone taking care of their household.  It's the fact that this is NOT your household to take care of, plus the way he's disrespecting you. 

You are not his wife... he has not elevated you yet to that kind of powerful position in his life (which is very telling!).  He does not respect you enough to actually marry you when it comes down to it.

You are doing something you should not really be doing when you're taking care of his kids, his household, his meals etc.  because you're giving all of that away basically for free and getting very little back in return. 

He doesn't even respect you enough to not be flirting with women behind your back (!!!).  Any man who truly loved you and valued you would NOT be doing that.  And yet you're doing everything under the sun it sounds like, for him. 

It all sounds very depressing and horrible, but only you can change this... because only you are allowing this.

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The back story is relevant because of the unbalanced dynamic that's been created. You give and give and brush off his attempt to even the balance which causes him to view you with diminishing respect. When respect is lost it's very difficult to regain it. And the result is him seeing other women as attractive.

You don't want to stop all this giving, which is your perogative. But it means your situation won't change either. 

I personally would stop all the "wife audition" behavior since it's backfiring. I would instead focus on being accomplished, smart, independent and confident. All things that are much more attractive than nanny/housekeeper/cook. You'll be so gosh darned amazing he won't want to even think about messaging another woman.

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You have set up a horrible dynamic "He hates how I don’t let him do anything around the house. I told him I wanted to take care of the cleaning duties."    We are not in the 50's and he should be contributing, then maybe he would have more respect for you.   You are not the wife or mother, but seem to think if you take over that role you will have more importance.  It is the opposite, you have become an unappreciated and uncompensated  maid and nanny.  Foolish on your part.   And, you do this for someone who lies and and flirts with other women.  That doesn't make sense.  This guys does not respect you!

I suggest you become more independent.  Work more hours, return to school, do anything to enhance your life.   You also need to cut back on the domestic duties.   

Edited by Hollyj
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