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He said he want to continue to see me but ask if I want out


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We have been dating about 3 months and everything has been going well. Texting and hanging out consistently. 

There was one thing that continue to bother me whenever we hang out. Towards the end of our date or hangout he would tell me I should leave because I have my kids. It's a nice reminder but every time he says it I feel like he does not want to hangout or see me? Am I looking too much into it?

Anyways, I mentioned that to him and he said he was used to saying it to his friend so he said it to me. I told him I'd prefer not to say it because I am aware of the time. I also mentioned that it'd be nice to see him more often and he said okay. The conversation ended and I assumed everything was good until recently.

Recently, he was distant. Texts are not consistent and did not ask me to hangout. So I bravely asked him if he want to see me and his respond was not what I expected.

He asked if I think we are a good match and if my emotional needs are being met, because he feels like he is not meeting them. I called and asked him. He claimed from our last conversation it seems like he is not meeting my emotional needs. He said he want to continue and see me but just giving me option to leave if my emotional needs are not met. I'm confused. Is this his way of telling me he no longer want to see me or not interested in dating me? So he's making an excuse. What are your thoughts? Should I continue to see him or is this the start of the end?

I like him but if the feeling isn't mutual then I'd rather leave and not invest in him. Maybe I do need to figure out if he is meeting my emotional needs. 

thanks!

Edited by Smile_for_me
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Ugh. Are your needs being met? Do you think you're a good match? 

I don't think this is good.  It rather seems like he is checking out and leaving it on you.  Like he is saying,  "I don't meet your needs and I'm not going to try,  but it's up to you

Not romantic, caring,  or like he gives a poop either way.  Kinda like if your mom says, there's cereal for dinner. 

I would probably let this guy go.  call his bluff if that's even what it is.  I could see a future of "well, I told you I wasn't meeting your needs"

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Here we go again.  It's the same old "It's not you, it's me" scenario.  Same old song.  If he's telling you this already, get his message.  He wants out and wishes to exit this relationship.

He's no longer interested in you nor does he wish to remain in this relationship.  I'm sorry.  Don't waste anymore of your time, energy and resources on him.  It's time to walk away.

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6 minutes ago, Cherylyn said:

Here we go again.  It's the same old "It's not you, it's me" scenario.  Same old song.  If he's telling you this already, get his message.  He wants out and wishes to exit this relationship.

He's no longer interested in you nor does he wish to remain in this relationship.  I'm sorry.  Don't waste anymore of your time, energy and resources on him.  It's time to walk away.

Ugh. I kinda knew this is what he means. Why can't he just come out and say it? It's really not that hard. Yeah, I'm definitely not wasting my time anymore...

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50 minutes ago, Lambert said:

Ugh. Are your needs being met? Do you think you're a good match? 

I don't think this is good.  It rather seems like he is checking out and leaving it on you.  Like he is saying,  "I don't meet your needs and I'm not going to try,  but it's up to you

Not romantic, caring,  or like he gives a poop either way.  Kinda like if your mom says, there's cereal for dinner. 

I would probably let this guy go.  call his bluff if that's even what it is.  I could see a future of "well, I told you I wasn't meeting your needs"

That was my impression too, him checking out. Thanks.

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Just now, Smile_for_me said:

Ugh. I kinda knew this is what he means. Why can't he just come out and say it? It's really not that hard. Yeah, I'm definitely not wasting my time anymore...

Because it's easier to deflect than have a long, humble discussion with you.  That's why.  Google "gaslighting," too.  He might be gaslighting you or will gaslight you if you confront him. 

Bottom line is his heart isn't into you.  I'm sorry.  Do both of yourselves a favor and cut him loose.

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1 hour ago, Capricorn3 said:

I get the impression that he's not into the relationship as much as you are.  I would cut my losses and not invest anymore time.

Agree.  he is too much of a coward to say it.

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It might be different if he spoke with you with some respect and made an effort to really look you in the eye and ask whether you're happy. Neglecting you or avoiding you is no good and I'm sorry to hear this. Many people don't like confrontation because it also means that they have to face their own fears and that is just not something everyone is willing to do.

That was a very immature way to end things. If you look at him overall as a person and the things he's just said to you does it look or sound like he's the type of guy you'd be proud to have by your side? I know things are sad and painful now but think about what he's actually said and done. 

 

 

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What he meant was "I am not feeling the spark which is why I'm not texting you as much and I know you want me to want you and to text you more but my heart is not in it.  I am sorry and I think we should top seeing each other" - all that psychobabble about "emotional needs" was just to repackage it so you would be the one to walk.  I'm sorry.

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3 hours ago, Smile_for_me said:

He asked if I think we are a good match and if my emotional needs are being met, because he feels like he is not meeting them. I called and asked him. He claimed from our last conversation it seems like he is not meeting my emotional needs.

Yeah, as mentioned, he's 'kindly' trying to pull out of this 😞 ( to ask you if you think you 2 are a good match..).

IF someone IS truly interested, they would step up & continue to try in this.  He's copping out.

Don't contact him, just leave all alone.

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Maybe I'm totally wrong, but I get the following impression:

You're dating a guy for 3 months consistently. One day, you ask him not to remind you of the time because "It's a nice reminder but every time he says it I feel like he does not want to hangout or see me" and you also ask him to see him more often. So, this alludes to you not being happy with the way things are at the moment. Thus, he questions whether he is meeting your needs.

It's like he's happily travelling with you at 50 km/h. The moment you want to take it up a notch, he hits the breaks. That doesn't mean he's checking out. According to you, "He said he want to continue and see me". He may just not want to travel any faster with you for the time being. Thus he's "just giving me option to leave if my emotional needs are not met". Essentially, it's up to you whether you're content with the current arrangement.

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10 hours ago, Smile_for_me said:

Ugh. I kinda knew this is what he means. Why can't he just come out and say it? It's really not that hard. Yeah, I'm definitely not wasting my time anymore...

It seems like he likes you but has noticed some incompatibilities.

Is he a single parent also? What does he mean by "you better get home to your kids"?

Also what does he mean by "not meeting your emotional needs"?

These comments seem based on conversations you've had.

That's a good thing in that it's revealed some issues quite early on, so you can cut your losses.

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13 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

It seems like he likes you but has noticed some incompatibilities.

Is he a single parent also? What does he mean by "you better get home to your kids"?

Also what does he mean by "not meeting your emotional needs"?

These comments seem based on conversations you've had.

That's a good thing in that it's revealed some issues quite early on, so you can cut your losses.

No, he is not a single parent. He does not have kids. I think he means I need to get home to them. Which I'm aware I do, I don't need him to reminder me. lol

I think he's not willing to make an effort to give me what I want or maybe do not like me enough to try..such as seeing him more often or staying a bit longer when we hang out.

Yeah, I'm glad I questioned them. I knew the red flags when we started dating. He mentioned about his previous relationship. Seems like the guy cannot keep a relationship long and keeps jumping from one to another. I think he has problems and needs help. lol.

I text him this morning to end things and of course no response. Totally ghosted by him. I'm glad it's still early on and I left without being too broken hearted.

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11 hours ago, Smile_for_me said:

I text him this morning to end things and of course no response. Totally ghosted by him. I'm glad it's still early on and I left without being too broken hearted.

Excellent. Perhaps date other single parents, who have a better understanding of dating as a parent and the concerns/ constraints involved.

Just curious why you would have to be "reminded" by anyone to get home to your kids.

Do you live with parents or thier father? Who is babysitting when you are dating? 

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Good call ending it definitively. 

He wasn't man enough to be honest that he lost interest, so he tried to get you to do the dirty work and call it off. It worked, in the sense that it's over and he wasn't the one to say it. That's not very important, though. 

Next time a man sends you home because you have kids and thinks you don't know how to keep track of time, read between the line. What he was really saying was, "Ok, I've had my fill of you for today, bye" or "my next date is in an hour  and I need to get ready." 

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15 hours ago, Smile_for_me said:

No, he is not a single parent. He does not have kids. I think he means I need to get home to them. Which I'm aware I do, I don't need him to reminder me. lol

I think he's not willing to make an effort to give me what I want or maybe do not like me enough to try..such as seeing him more often or staying a bit longer when we hang out.

Yeah, I'm glad I questioned them. I knew the red flags when we started dating. He mentioned about his previous relationship. Seems like the guy cannot keep a relationship long and keeps jumping from one to another. I think he has problems and needs help. lol.

I text him this morning to end things and of course no response. Totally ghosted by him. I'm glad it's still early on and I left without being too broken hearted.

I'm glad you can move on now.  You have no idea if he has a pattern or if he will break the pattern - just know you two weren't a match, accept that and then you get to move on with a positive perspective not taking with you an urge to psychoanalyze someone's relationship pattern.  Also if he meets "the one" in the next couple of months it won't sting, or won't sting as much -like if you see it on FB.  I dated someone for 5 months in 2003 who seemed to be a confirmed bachelor - he was 40.  He met his future wife -through a dating site -6 months after he ended things with me.  He was ready to marry and just wasn't that into me -and knew I was that into him. I was. 

 

But I didn't let myself go there in labeling him as some player who had problems and as a result it didn't hurt as much when he met his wife who I thought was more attractive than me (but there was this weird gray area where he contacted me inappropriately while they were dating/engaged and married -I didn't continue the interaction past pleasantries but sure maybe he wasn't quite done with his single life days - but, again I'd accepted he didn't want me badly enough and accepted that telling myself he had issues or problems would ultimately risk me being jaded -I wanted marriage and family -jaded doesn't mix with that.

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