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How to be ok when things don't work out?


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So, I posted last week about me and a guy from work talking.  It was so nice at first.  He was flirty and cute and he actually liked me.  But I can tell, it's fizzling out.  And I'm sad.  I don't get much attention from men.  And it's been 3 years since I've had sex so I was really looking forward to it.  I was pretty sure that this wasn't going to be serious.  He has a lot of issues, as do I.  But I thought it was finally just going to have a casual relationship that I needed, just to feel alive again.  Not like the lonely, frumpy mom that I am.  

I'm sad.  Lol.  And I just wish that I was like other people, who seemingly would just be like "well, he's not worth it, time to move on.".  I don't know how to do this.  He does have other issues.  He asked me to please be there for him when they start (he's about to go through a custody battle).  I'm ok with being friends.  I don't think he's in a headspace for a relationship.  And honestly, since I'm sitting in my car alone crying, I'm not either.  Do I still be there for him as a friend?  I don't text him first, but we still talk as friends.  I am less responsive to his texts.  Should I just be normal though? I'm done with trying to flirt with him. I still have to see and interact with him at work.   

On Friday, I talked to him and told him that I thought that he was pulling away.  Again, he told me that he wasn't pulling away, but things with his ex-wife were getting crazy.  He told me that he did have feelings for me, but he felt bad for having them because he felt he wasn't good for me.  He told me that I would know if he weren't into me, because he would "always be honest with me".  I told him I that I would be here and I could wait for as long as he needed.   He told me that he has schizophrenia and that he's difficult, but that he is into me.  And that he had a good heart and that he's afraid of a rushed relationship, because they never turn out well.  I also asked him to be patient with my insecurities.  I can't deal with the feelings that people just talk to me because they feel bad and not because they actually like me, even just friends.  Like I said, I have my own issues.

But still, I feel like it's fizzling.  We actually went out the other night, with 3 out of our 4 kids.  It was really fun.  The kids got along, we played mini golf and had fun at the arcade.  But no kisses, as promised, no touches snuck.  And he asked me to take off a few days with him, so I did, but that was the only time that we got to spend together.  I asked if he wanted to take the kids to the park yesterday and he said that he couldn't.  I told him that I was kind of disappointed that we didn't really get to spend time together this week, and I said "I know!  I'm so sorry.  I have a lot going on right now." And not to be sad.  😕.  And really, he hasn't said anything flirty in a couple of weeks.  A few comments here and there, but not like we used to.  I even tried last night.  He said he was going to take a bath and while he talked to me while he was there, I jokingly said I was coming to join him and he said "this baths not big enough".  I was joking, he usually would have gone along with it, but no bite.

My posts are all over the place, I'm sorry about that.  I think I just need to step back, be there for him, and maybe get myself into therapy.  I feel like I'm the problem, but I don't know how to get my feelings in check to not mess up everything.  

 

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23 minutes ago, JandJMom said:

he told me that he wasn't pulling away, but things with his ex-wife were getting crazy. 

Sorry this happened. Even if you just want company/casual, strive for  someone more available. Isn't the point of casual to  avoid headaches and heartaches? 

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16 minutes ago, JandJMom said:

I told him I that I would be here and I could wait for as long as he needed.  

No, no, no. 

That was a mistake, and you should not be putting yourself on hold for this man. He is making it clear that he doesn't want a relationship so it is not wise to give him the impression that you'll hang around in the wings. You haven't dated him, it seems, so there is no reason why you should be extending the benefit of your patience. 

He has given you several reasons why this won't work: issues with his ex, his mental health problems, and so on. This is where you need to read between the lines, and make your exit. No more get-togethers, and certainly not with your kids in tow. No more texting. No more flirting. He's drawing a line and my guess is that there is someone else he's entertaining and realizes he can't engage in that kind of banter with you anymore. There is no need to continue a friendship with him. Be civil at work and leave it at that. 

You have to stop measuring your self-worth based on his reaction to and interest in you. Your self-esteem is tanking here, and he's not the solution to that. Until you learn to respect yourself more, you will continue fishing from ponds where the fish swim away from the hook - and then getting upset when you still don't get a bite. 

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39 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

No, no, no. 

That was a mistake, and you should not be putting yourself on hold for this man. He is making it clear that he doesn't want a relationship so it is not wise to give him the impression that you'll hang around in the wings. You haven't dated him, it seems, so there is no reason why you should be extending the benefit of your patience. 

He has given you several reasons why this won't work: issues with his ex, his mental health problems, and so on. This is where you need to read between the lines, and make your exit. No more get-togethers, and certainly not with your kids in tow. No more texting. No more flirting. He's drawing a line and my guess is that there is someone else he's entertaining and realizes he can't engage in that kind of banter with you anymore. There is no need to continue a friendship with him. Be civil at work and leave it at that. 

You have to stop measuring your self-worth based on his reaction to and interest in you. Your self-esteem is tanking here, and he's not the solution to that. Until you learn to respect yourself more, you will continue fishing from ponds where the fish swim away from the hook - and then getting upset when you still don't get a bite. 

I know.  And I know this is my issue.  My self confidence and self worth is at an all time low right now.  I can feel it.  I'm sad, all the time.  Second guessing everything that I say to everyone.  I'm insecure about every interaction and every decision that I make.  I feel like anyone who is even half worth it, I have to cling to because no one else is going to even give me the time.  I've been alone for three years and this is the first person that's shown any interest in me.  There's a reason for that right?  If I don't wait for him, then there is no one.  

And, also, I think that there is a reason for everything and everyone.  What was the reason for this guy to come in and make me feel good about myself and then just to leave him?  This is crazy unhealthy, but he told me the other night that he has tried to kill himself 4 times and never succeeded and that I must be his fate.  Why are people out in our lives for no reason?  This is me thinking it through.

But, I think I need therapy.  I just don't want to be alone my whole life.  I look at statistics, I'm black, I'm 36.  The odds are against me.  I want to be ok with not having someone to love, but thinking about it just makes me sad.  If my husband, who wasn't even this prize, didn't want me and could get someone else, and I can't.  Then I was the issue.  I used to be happy, but I just feel ruined now.

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40 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this happened. Even if you just want company/casual, strive for  someone more available. Isn't the point of casual to  avoid headaches and heartaches? 

Yes, you're right.  But what if I never meet anyone again 😞 and maybe that's irrational, but that's how I feel.  I haven't had anyone even look at me in 3 years.  The odds are completely against me. 

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I think what you're going through is understandable.  You're lonely and you have been for awhile. Very difficult times but you're letting your fear rule your decision making.

A guy with ex issues, a bunch of kids, from work is a bad idea. If you guys would have hooked up and had a one night stand and you did it just because the opportunity for a physical experience presented itself, then so be it. You're an adult & can decide to do that.

However, unfortunately, this is not what happened... emotions, other people, kids, opportunities not materializing for these reasons are telling you, you are barking up the wrong tree. 

So what do you do? OK. You mentioned low self esteem, low confidence etc... There is only one source for these things that is stable and sustainable: within.

You must go within.  You must look at your life and decide your mental health, your children, work, home, family are what is important. 

Look at what makes you feel good about yourself, commit to yourself, watch your inner dialog. Remind yourself bad times don't last, you deserve better than this guy, work is for work and your livelihood. Not for dates. 

What can you do to occupy your mind and time that are constructive? It's hard with pandemic. You have to find things that work with your situation.  What old hobbies have you neglected? How can you treat yourself better?

You have to remind yourself, bad times don't last. It has to stop raining eventually. And likewise when you're living through a drought, a man drought (smile) it has to rain EVENTUALLY! YOU WILL MEET SOMEONE AGAIN.  

Your job right now is to get ready, work on yourself so you're not so needy that you mistake a train wreck for a viable mate.

 

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I don't think anyone is totally okay with something doesn't work out.  Even if the other person was horrible it all started with some hope and attraction right?

You are disappointed which is totally normal, you are lonely and the prospect of that ending raised you up higher than you should of allowed but that is normal too.

 It sounds like you could use a friend right?  So don't look at this as you lost a sex buddy but that you are gaining a friend.

  You describe yourself in a way that is negative but the color of your skin is not a negative. Being 36 certainly is not a negative from where I sit, heck I would love to be 36 again!!!

  Do you exercise?  Exercise has been proven over and over again to help with depression.  Even going for a walk with the kids after dinner every day could do wonders.

  Lost

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5 hours ago, JandJMom said:

I don't text him first, but we still talk as friends.  I am less responsive to his texts.  Should I just be normal though? I'm done with trying to flirt with him. I still have to see and interact with him at work.   

 

5 hours ago, JandJMom said:

I don't get much attention from men.  And it's been 3 years since I've had sex so I was really looking forward to it

 

5 hours ago, JandJMom said:

  He told me that I would know if he weren't into me, because he would "always be honest with me".  I told him I that I would be here and I could wait for as long as he needed.   He told me that he has schizophrenia and that he's difficult, but that he is into me.  And that he had a good heart and that he's afraid of a rushed relationship, because they never turn out well.  I also asked him to be patient with my insecurities.

 

5 hours ago, JandJMom said:

be there for him, and maybe get myself into therapy.  I feel like I'm the problem, but I don't know how to get my feelings in check to not mess up everything.  

I'm sorry you are confused in all of this 😞 ...

But I feel, inside you KNOW there are some real issue's with you BOTH... right?

I highlighted a few of them.

- As you mentioned, you are all over the place - in your mind & life?

So, in the beginning, you two kinda flirted and YOU like that! - Because you are needing/wanting that.  You are wanting something... to 'feel alive & wanted again'?

Understandable... BUT, with him?  No.

You are saying you are not going to flirt with him anymore- but still willing to be 'friends'... that's fine and I think that is ALL you two should be... no expectations.... With your 'insecurities' and his messed up life. Going through legal issue's and being schizophrenic... oh boy!  Also, you work with him- one should never get involved with someone they work with - that WILL cause some real issue's at your work place.. that is a place of employment- not personal life (often after couples BU, they end up feeling overwhelmed etc and one leaves....)

No, you don't want to be involved with someone like this...

It's been a few years since you have been intimate.. same here- but I am in no way any hurry for any of that.  I am at the point, I have very low tolerence for their crap.  Many are lost, emotionally unavailable and just searching for one thing.  I am not for that... eventually one will get emotionally involved- then hurt.. And for YOU, I highly doubt you need any of this.. right?  You also have your issue's - insecurity.  So, this is something not for you either.

Instead, I keep to myself, I have a cpl friends and i do my own thing.. my shows.. music..hobby ( I crochet). And I am all okay with this.  At least I am not being used.. or hurt. - Maybe you need to keep on with taking care of and focussing on only YOU. - If you are insecure, getting involved, especially with someone like this- will do you no good  😞 

I talked to him and told him that I thought that he was pulling away.  Again, he told me that he wasn't pulling away, but things with his ex-wife were getting crazy

Yes, he probably is pulling away, since inside, he knows he has nothing to 'give'.. and in ways, I feel he is just leaning your way for some 'emotional support'So, how about you stop looking at him this way. -- He is not stable and he is a co-worker.  You can't take this on- all he's got going on...  IF you feel you can't 'just be friends', then be honest with him.

 I look at statistics, I'm black, I'm 36.  The odds are against me

- No, they aren't.  I have friends just like you & they are awesome!  :).  Yes, look at getting some professional help for a while!  I did, i had 4 yrs ongoing therapy - to work through my issue's.

I understand, you feel kinda low and lonely - BUT do not 'seek' attention/love this way.  What you want and what you get, this is BIG difference.

 

So, please back off this guy... be only as a 'friend', if you can handle this with him- for reason's I have mentioned... get into therapy and focus on YOU, only.

One day at a time  😉 

 

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It would be good to give yourself a break from dating for awhile. This person isn't available enough emotionally. If you were feeling secure and a bit more independent, I wouldn't see what the issue would be being a friend of his but some healthy distance is needed. Crying, low feelings (low self-worth), second-guessing whether people are genuine towards you.. these are all signs that you need a better and healthier support network. This person just isn't providing what you're looking for in a two-way friendship, let alone a relationship. 

Let go so that you have some space to yourself. You won't be grasping at straws once you start feeling a bit better about yourself and where you're headed. 

How are your kids doing? Do they have a relationship with their dad? Do you have family close by or friends you can talk to? 

Feel free to vent here if you need to also.

 

 

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See if you follow me with this. But this is what I see because you have a lot of fear. 

Your fear isnt a byproduct of a strained relationship, your strained relationship is a byproduct of your fear. 

You have so much fear that it wouldnt matter who gave you attention, you were going to cling onto anyone that gave you attention. Whether he was going to be a great guy or a guy with loads of mental problems, you were going to hang on to him like he was the last man that you will ever date. So instead of heeding all the signs, your fear kept you in this relationship. To put it simply, you put all your eggs in one basket and it is not working out. So your fear is working against you to try to make this work. 

I am going to say that I understand the fear. Ive been there and I think a lot of other people on here have had the same fear as you after their break up. Asking questions like.. Am I destined to be single? Will I ever find someone else ever again? Was that my last chance at true love? And you resigned and were happy to get anything. 

Im going to tell you a secret so dont tell anyone, but 36 is not an age that dating is not possible. 36 is plenty young and you can find love at any age. I remember getting inspired by stories of couples meeting in their 70s and 80s. So 36 is by no means a sentence for singleness. (if that is a word). 

I know your esteem took a hit. I think everyone here has been right where you are now. To get your esteem up is up to you, not up to a guy that you meet. A partner should enhance your happiness, not make you happy. This guy is just not making you happy, he is just giving you problems to deal with and do you really want to be in a relationship that you have to deal with issues every day? It gets really tiring really quick. 

You are going to meet someone who is more compatible with you. He is out there, you just need to put yourself in a situation where he can find you. Or you can find him. 

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15 hours ago, JandJMom said:

My self confidence and self worth is at an all time low right now.  I can feel it.  I'm sad, all the time.  Second guessing everything that I say to everyone.  I'm insecure about every interaction and every decision that I make.  I feel like anyone who is even half worth it, I have to cling to because no one else is going to even give me the time.  I've been alone for three years

But, I think I need therapy.  I just don't want to be alone my whole life.  

I think that would be a good idea as you're clearly at an all time low in your life and having an outside party to talk to and guide you will benefit you greatly (imo).  At least give it a try.  It can't hurt and can't make thing worse.  

Do you have any siblings, or a group of girl friends you can spend some time with and do fun things with?  Go hiking etc? 

Anyhoo, I wish you well.

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16 hours ago, JandJMom said:

But, I think I need therapy.  I just don't want to be alone my whole life.  I look at statistics, I'm black, I'm 36.  The odds are against me.  I want to be ok with not having someone to love, but thinking about it just makes me sad.  If my husband, who wasn't even this prize, didn't want me and could get someone else, and I can't.  Then I was the issue.  I used to be happy, but I just feel ruined now.

I can see that you are in such a bad place, mentally. I'm sorry about that. I really am. And I'd hate to see you make this even worse for yourself.

I have a friend that used to say, "I don't even want a relationship. I just want sex." She was lying. She had been alone for years and was very down on herself. Mid-thirties, overweight, average-looking, chronically unemployed, still living with her mom. She thought that putting the bar really, really low would at least assuage her loneliness.  

But you know, it just made her loneliness worse. It was a bad move. She got literally no takers, probably because she came off as desperate. Sixteen years later, she's still absolutely alone. Gaining more weight. More depressed than ever.

You're digging a hole for yourself when you settle this way. You are making things worse. You are not taking care of yourself.

It's no way to treat yourself. Therapy will probably help, but you also have to learn to be a friend to yourself. Take pride in who you are, and what you bring to the world. Stop settling for any port in a storm. 

17 hours ago, JandJMom said:

And he asked me to take off a few days with him, so I did, but that was the only time that we got to spend together.

What happened there?

16 hours ago, JandJMom said:

he has tried to kill himself 4 times and never succeeded and that I must be his fate.  Why are people out in our lives for no reason?  This is me thinking it through.

No, that is you trying to cling to meaning. It's you being guilted into waiting around for this guy.

17 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Even if you just want company/casual, strive for  someone more available. Isn't the point of casual to  avoid headaches and heartaches? 

So true.

17 hours ago, JandJMom said:

I would be here and I could wait for as long as he needed.

Why would you wait around for a casual relationship? 

Be honest. This is anything but casual. It's a bona fide crap relationship. You are getting nothing out of it but heartache. 

16 hours ago, JandJMom said:

If I don't wait for him, then there is no one.  

See? It's not casual. This has become life or death for you. That's because you're lonely and hurting. Not in a good head space. It's putting things out of perspective for you.

The odds are actually not against you. It just feels like they are because you've been through so much.

Now is the time where you must take steps to help yourself get past the difficult years that you've had. 

A good first step would be to walk away from this man and his problems. 

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16 hours ago, JandJMom said:

And, also, I think that there is a reason for everything and everyone.  What was the reason for this guy to come in and make me feel good about myself and then just to leave him?   Why are people out in our lives for no reason? 

I found this many many years ago, which hopefully will lighten your mood a little:.

People come into your life for a REASON, a SEASON  or  a LIFETIME..

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is
usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have
come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide
you with guidance and support, to aid you physically,
emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a
godsend and they are. They are there for the reason
you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on
your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will
say or do something to bring the relationship to an
end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met,
our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer
you sent up has been answered and now it is time to
move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because
your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They
bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it, it is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons,
things you must build upon in order to have a solid
emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the
lesson, love the person and put what you have learned
to use in all other relationships and areas of your
life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is
clairvoyant. And those good friends are like
stars....You don't always see them, but you know they
are always there for a lifetime.

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4 hours ago, Jibralta said:

I have a friend that used to say, "I don't even want a relationship. I just want sex." She was lying. She had been alone for years and was very down on herself. Mid-thirties, overweight, average-looking, chronically unemployed, still living with her mom. She thought that putting the bar really, really low would at least assuage her loneliness.  

I was just thinking about this some more.

This friend of mine set the bar low in terms of her career, too. So, even though she has a master's degree in accounting, she generally takes jobs as a receptionist. I think that she does this because, in her mind, she is protecting herself from failure.

She's afraid to aim high because what if she doesn't hit her mark? So, she aims so low that she 'can't miss.'

But the thing is, she's missing every single chance she has at success. So now she's still living with her mom at 49 years old. Crap job. Lonely. More overweight. More unhealthy. She's actually starting to have trouble with her hair now...

Something like this could happen to you, if you don't get a handle on it.

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On 1/22/2021 at 1:51 AM, Jibralta said:

I can see that you are in such a bad place, mentally. I'm sorry about that. I really am. And I'd hate to see you make this even worse for yourself.

I have a friend that used to say, "I don't even want a relationship. I just want sex." She was lying. She had been alone for years and was very down on herself. Mid-thirties, overweight, average-looking, chronically unemployed, still living with her mom. She thought that putting the bar really, really low would at least assuage her loneliness.  

But you know, it just made her loneliness worse. It was a bad move. She got literally no takers, probably because she came off as desperate. Sixteen years later, she's still absolutely alone. Gaining more weight. More depressed than ever.

You're digging a hole for yourself when you settle this way. You are making things worse. You are not taking care of yourself.

It's no way to treat yourself. Therapy will probably help, but you also have to learn to be a friend to yourself. Take pride in who you are, and what you bring to the world. Stop settling for any port in a storm. 

What happened there?

No, that is you trying to cling to meaning. It's you being guilted into waiting around for this guy.

So true.

Why would you wait around for a casual relationship? 

Be honest. This is anything but casual. It's a bona fide crap relationship. You are getting nothing out of it but heartache. 

See? It's not casual. This has become life or death for you. That's because you're lonely and hurting. Not in a good head space. It's putting things out of perspective for you.

The odds are actually not against you. It just feels like they are because you've been through so much.

Now is the time where you must take steps to help yourself get past the difficult years that you've had. 

A good first step would be to walk away from this man and his problems. 

We did go out and he texted me when he got home that he had a really good time.  We played mini golf and played at the arcade.  But, I guess, I thought we'd spend the whole time off together, so that was me thinking more into it.

I know that this is a temporary feeling for me.  Yes, I'm lonely, but I usually have lots of other stuff going on.  The pandemic is more than likely just giving me a lot more time to think about all of this.  Plus, within my 3 years since my husband and I ended, I've only talked to two guys and that started in February.  Usually, I'm running my kids to friends houses, meetings, sports, and seeing my friends, but we don't do much of that anymore.  My daughter is starting back up with softball soon, so we'll be outside a lot more with other people.  I know it will get better.

I am going to start going to therapy, though.  I thought about it before the virus, my then 5 year old started seeing one for behavior issues, and I'd talked to her about possibly going myself, but then they started doing zoom only and my kids were home full time.  I honestly just feel like I need someone to talk to. 

I do have family, kids and friends.  I just don't feel like I can talk to family because they don't understand feelings.  They're not very emotional and, like I said, my mom is pushing me to get back with my husband just because "I'll be alone when the kids are gone".  Most, or all, of my friends that I see on a daily basis are happily married.  They're not close friends, just people I'd go to dinner with, I call them my mom friends, they don't even know that my husband and I aren't together anymore.  I'm embarrassed to tell them.  Especially now, since it's been so long. So I have to pretend around them that everything is good and that I'm happy.  That doesn't help, I know, but I don't want everyone to know everything. 😩 Also, they're my daughter's friends parents, so I don't want her business out for the world either.  So, again, I just don't have anyone to talk to about any of this anymore, and I think it's starting to take its toll.  In fact, the only ones who know the whole story are the two guys that I started talking to and one other friend.  

I started keeping a journal, so maybe that will help.  But thank you. Hopefully, these feelings will all pass.  Everything will eventually work out, but I'm just sad now.

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I'm just going to focus on the one thing...custody battle with his ex. Having a relationship with you at this time is a bad idea, and will only cause tremendous issues with his ex. Be patient and give him a little space. Once he gets this out of the way, things can continue with you two. It's just bad timing.

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31 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

I'm just going to focus on the one thing...custody battle with his ex. Having a relationship with you at this time is a bad idea, and will only cause tremendous issues with his ex. Be patient and give him a little space. Once he gets this out of the way, things can continue with you two. It's just bad timing.

Honestly, this is what I'm going for.  He told me that he's going to need someone through this, and I feel like he will definitely need a friend to get through that.  I just need to learn how to slow it down and just see what happens.  I honestly think that this could be an awesome friendship, if I can relax.  We talked for 2 hours about making wands and nerd decals and starting an Etsy together.

Eventually, I'll be fine.  But sometimes it seems that other people can walk away from a relationship or possible relationship so easy, and I feel like I get so upset when I shouldn't.  

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If you are caught on if I should or shouldn't...give yourself a time line on how long you are willing to wait. If this goes on for more than 2 or 4 months, it might be a good idea to just date other people and keep him as a friend.

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On 1/21/2021 at 9:21 AM, JandJMom said:

What was the reason for this guy to come in and make me feel good about myself and then just to leave him?

Sometimes inappropriate crushes come up to tell us that we're not extending ourselves enough to find real and appropriate passions in our lives.

Think of people who form crushes on TV, film or rock stars. It's not uncommon, but we each get to decide the degree of pain and dysfunction we'll cause ourselves by such a focus.

The guy is a train wreck. You don't need to poison your own work environment by involving yourself where you don't belong, and he's in no-way-shape-or-form available or able to form a relationship right now.

Head high, and do anything else BUT this.

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