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Here is the deal, my husband and I have been married for 14 years. It hasnt been the best, we are just roomates now to be exact. I have thought MANY times that I want a divorce so I can finally be something I havent been in a long time which is HAPPY. BUT he has had multiple surgeries and thought i would be the bad person for leaving and  should stay for our daughter. So ive put my feelings aside many times and just pushed it down. Well now, after another surgery, he decided he no longer "feels" like working anymore and is filing for disability and to get a greater income, he and I should just get a divorce so that he could claim our daughter. The fact that I have pushed my feelings down many times and he CASUALLY brings this up just didnt sit well with me. NOW I guess things didnt go the way he planned when filing all the paperwork for this stuff that he tells me he no longer wants a divorce because he LOVES ME. I am one of those women who can seem like the biggest BEEOTCH but when it comes for sticking up for myself I just dont. But I know one thing, Im just DONE and I dont know how to tell him now. Hes one of those men that if you take up for yourself and try to defend your actions, you are GUILTY of something. I have stuck with him through drug addiction and everything. When I want a simple hug in the past he told me I "Smothered" him so I just stopped showing feelings all together. We sleep in seperate bedrooms, so I feel like we have been over for a long time now and just need to get it over and done with so we can both be happy. Hes a good guy, we just arent good together. 

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So, you have set your own self & feeling aside on this 'relationship" and life for a long time 😞 

I'd be done - as you say you are.

"now, after another surgery, he decided he no longer "feels" like working anymore and is filing for disability and to get a greater income, he and I should just get a divorce so that he could claim our daughter. The fact that I have pushed my feelings down many times and he CASUALLY brings this up just didnt sit well with me."

- Seriously?  And then to turn & say he will stick around a while longer as 'he loves you'.... *sigh*  

Well, since you have been emotionally spent & out of all of the for a while, how about YOU act now & file?

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Sorry this is happening. How old is your child? It's shady to divorce for tax breaks or disability fraud.

You can consult an attorney privately and confidentiality to discuss your options in divorce.

You don't need his permission. You can also consult a therapist privately and confidentiality to discuss your departure.

Clearly being a martyr isn't helping anyone involved. 

Set both yourselves free. He'll do fine, you'll do fine.

Discuss child support and custody with the attorney as well. Don't mull over divorce. Get the facts.

 

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On 1/20/2021 at 8:39 PM, CAY2422 said:

But I know one thing, Im just DONE and I dont know how to tell him now. Hes one of those men that if you take up for yourself and try to defend your actions, you are GUILTY of something.

Breakups don't require approval from the other, so skip worrying about that. People tend to try to make the other a villain and themselves a victim, but who, exactly is the jury?

Don't get hung up on irrelevant stuff. Don't invent an imaginary judge and jury in your head--it's a meaningless barrier to getting what you want.

Before you say or do anything, get legal advice in your location about your options and the best steps to take for each option. From there, you can make choices and operate on actual information rather than on emotions alone.

If you cannot afford a layer, contact you human services department for an appointment with legal aid.

Edited by catfeeder
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Talk to a lawyer.  Make an exit plan.  Find somewhere to live.  You dont have to tell him you are doing these things.  Then when you are ready tell him you are moving out, and then DO IT.

You get one chance at this life so it is time for you to do something for you, and your daughter if she is still at home, you dont say how old she is.

You dont need his permission to move on with your life.

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