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Try to get back after divorce of 1 year


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We were friends for 18 years dated for three, and married in that three year span. Marriage only lasted for a year for various reasons. None that would put anyone in harms way. We were madly in love and blind to the world around us. When things became too much that is when she realized it was too much too soon. Again timing was bad and we got divorced. I still am in love with her despite dating other people. I am writing her a letter but as I am writing the letter I am not sure it is right and even a realistic possibility for us to reconcile. I don't want to marry her again, at least for years to come, I simply want her back in my life. Should I continue to move forward of give up the quest for the love of my life. I am in my early 50's so this is not my first rodeo. Any opinion will be appreciated.

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You didn't explain too much - like what caused your divorce (other than 'various reasons').

You want her back in your life... and she 'realized it was too much too soon'... Okay, so I gather you two split up.

Why?

And why are YOU dating other people, when still into her?  😞 

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There were too many “life problems,” outside influences, she lost her identity, and didn’t want to be married. The term married gave her a feeling of being tied down. All the while I encouraged her to go out and spend time with her friends. 
 

I am dating someone to pass the time. Now that I am writing this it is not fair to this person. 

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9 hours ago, jimmyj said:

. I still am in love with her despite dating other people. I am writing her a letter 

Unfortunately she doesn't want to reconcile or remarry.

The letter writing is from googling "how to get your ex back" and stumbling upon these scams and the typical awful advice about writing letters about how well you are doing to "reattract" an ex.

You're simply not adjusting to and over your divorce. A therapist can help with that a lot better than stringing a brunch of women along to fill voids.

Your ex-wife left for a reason. You know that reason. And that reason hasn't changed.

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How long was she solo since her last relationship before the two of you started seeing one another?

Since she's the one who wanted out, you won't be able to trust anything that comes from your influence. It needs to come from her.

Edited by catfeeder
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Seriously you need to move on....like really let go. The underlying reason why you can't bring yourself to do this should be discussed with a psychologist. They are available online....give it a try and see what you think.

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  • 4 weeks later...

My ex-wife texted me out of the blue. She was with her friends having afternoon cocktails, as she said they were reminiscing about an incident that I showed not so nice behavior. She said she is living her best life. I think otherwise. I think she still loves me and is having trouble as well. 

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22 minutes ago, jimmyj said:

My ex-wife texted me out of the blue. 

Delete and block her and all her people from ALL  your social media and messaging apps. You were married briefly and have no kids. No reason to communicate whatsoever.

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On 1/23/2021 at 9:44 PM, catfeeder said:

How long was she solo since her last relationship before the two of you started seeing one another?

Since she's the one who wanted out, you won't be able to trust anything that comes from your influence. It needs to come from her.

She wasn’t alone at all. We dated through her divorce. She also dated one or two other men throughout the years of separation/divorce. She stayed in the marriage for her child but lived a completely separate life from her then husband. 
I didn’t know this until I found out that she was going through the process of divorce while we were dating and becoming very serious. 

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