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Girlfriend left me for her ex and I still miss her


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I (25m) met my ex(20f) when she was dating her ex boyfriend of 2 years. We were just friends for half a year but that was it, although I really enjoyed spending time with her, things were always good and smooth. Her ex broke up with her and 2 months later she asked me on a date. Obviously she always knew that I had a certain crush on her but would never do anything since she was dating and I respect RS a lot.

We stayed together for 7 months where she constantly told me that I was the best thing to ever happens to her, but she never told she loved me. She stayed that long knowing that I wanted a serious relationship and after I told her that I loved her. We always acted like a couple and I always told her that I wanted to build and grow with her. I supported her through some really bad moments and always tried to cheer her up.

Her ex came back into the picture after our 7 months together and she left me and started dating him again. I was shattered and destroyed and felt really used, she was my first sex and my first gf. I really tried hard to see things from her point of view and understand her actions, but I was really really hurt and she never told me she never wanted anything serious and she didn't tell me she was going back to her ex, I found out through social media and it really hurt me. I went 1 month NC were she didn't even remember that I existed and so I decided to write her a letter telling her about my feelings and how I felt so used and lied to, but she denied that I was just a rebound and blamed me for not realizing before that she didn't want anything serious.

I can't move on because I trusted her so much. We were friends and I always where crystal clear with my intentions. I'm so afraid of never finding love and due to covid all I can do is sit at home crying alone and it's driving me mad to think about her and her ex together.  How someone be really intimate with you, share so many things and suddenly change to a totally different person? I knew her before we started to date, she was the one that asked me out and acted like she was in love, and constantly said so many good things to me... Will she even miss me? It's been around 2-3 months since last time we spoke were I was really mad at her and I miss her everyday and seems that she doesn't even miss me...

I'm exercising more than I ever did, I'm reading more than I ever did and I'm eating healthier than ever, bur the memories just don't go away and everyday seems like it was all just a dream. She was someone that I really connected and trully loved and cared.

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She was dumped by her ex - she didn't want the relationship to end because she still had strong feelings for him. She was in no way ready to date someone new, you were nothing more than a rebound.

Sorry it happened hopefully you'll be more cautious going forward and not date people fresh out of long term relationships.

 

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Good for you for doing more for yourself and exercising, eating healthy and practicing more self-care. Continue doing that and leave this in your rearview mirror. When people show us how they treat us, just watch and observe carefully. 20 or 21 is very young. Imagine yourself and what you were five years younger. 

You may feel down now but you won't feel down forever. Let this person go. Even if you were a rebound, so what? Don't beat yourself up over it and don't let it peg you into some shelf as if you're a less-than human. You are not less-than just because you were a rebound or were naive. 

I think the biggest thing you can do with the whole self-care and self-loving process is acknowledging what it was and owning what's happened. If you feel helpless and sad, look at it straight on and own it. Then do something about it and move forwards. When dating or in relationships, we cannot possibly always know what will happen or how that relationship will turn out so there will always be some element of unknown. 

Take all of it in stride and don't let this rob you of your self-confidence. Hope you feel better soon.

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My heart goes out to you. Someone who is rebounding from a LTR breakup will never see for themselves that that's what they're doing. This doesn't make them a villain, but people fresh out of breakups often have lousy judgment.

That's why it's up to each of us to protect ourselves by using our own best judgment. Someone who wants to date within a month or two after a LTR breakup is looking for a distraction from grief, regardless of whether they tell you that they're fine, healed and whole.

If you go there, it will either be sooner or later that you'll hear the speech about what a great human being you are, but she really should have taken the time to 'find herself' before dating.

So the best way to preserve future potential with someone newly broken up is to say, "I really like you, and I'll want to spend time together after you've taken the time to stabilize solo. If you're still interested in 6 months, please let me know."

Head high, we all live and learn.

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You were a rebound and friend zoned. That's a double whammy. Dude you were her safety net and nothing more. It's a harsh slamming, but I have to make it real for you to stop wasting your time on people like her. There is way better out there. Retain your self worth..you are better than this....ditch her and move on.

Edited by smackie9
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On 1/20/2021 at 1:32 PM, Zacon said:

I (25m) met my ex(20f) when she was dating her ex boyfriend of 2 years. We were just friends for half a year but that was it, although I really enjoyed spending time with her, things were always good and smooth. Her ex broke up with her and 2 months later she asked me on a date. Obviously she always knew that I had a certain crush on her but would never do anything since she was dating and I respect RS a lot.

We stayed together for 7 months where she constantly told me that I was the best thing to ever happens to her, but she never told she loved me. She stayed that long knowing that I wanted a serious relationship and after I told her that I loved her. We always acted like a couple and I always told her that I wanted to build and grow with her. I supported her through some really bad moments and always tried to cheer her up.

Her ex came back into the picture after our 7 months together and she left me and started dating him again. I was shattered and destroyed and felt really used, she was my first sex and my first gf. I really tried hard to see things from her point of view and understand her actions, but I was really really hurt and she never told me she never wanted anything serious and she didn't tell me she was going back to her ex, I found out through social media and it really hurt me. I went 1 month NC were she didn't even remember that I existed and so I decided to write her a letter telling her about my feelings and how I felt so used and lied to, but she denied that I was just a rebound and blamed me for not realizing before that she didn't want anything serious.

I can't move on because I trusted her so much. We were friends and I always where crystal clear with my intentions. I'm so afraid of never finding love and due to covid all I can do is sit at home crying alone and it's driving me mad to think about her and her ex together.  How someone be really intimate with you, share so many things and suddenly change to a totally different person? I knew her before we started to date, she was the one that asked me out and acted like she was in love, and constantly said so many good things to me... Will she even miss me? It's been around 2-3 months since last time we spoke were I was really mad at her and I miss her everyday and seems that she doesn't even miss me...

I'm exercising more than I ever did, I'm reading more than I ever did and I'm eating healthier than ever, bur the memories just don't go away and everyday seems like it was all just a dream. She was someone that I really connected and trully loved and cared.

I’m so so sorry. That really sucks. I went through something like that a few years back. I was absolutely devastated. It took me a few month to dig myself out of that emotional black hole but it happened. Wounds like this take time to heal. You’ll just have to give it time. 

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