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Should I try to get back with my son's mother?


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Over the last few months my girlfriend and I have been having problems. Mostly caused by me. I realize now that I am the biggest problem I didn't listen when I should have, I didn't give attention when she needed it. She moved out at the beginning of this month and has been seeing another guy. She told me that she told him that she can't date him because she is still with me among other reasons. She was living in her car and I convinced her to come back here and she has been back for going in 5 days. We argued the first night that she was here, the second day I inserted my feelings over hers. The last two days I did not mention my feelings and did my best to just be a friend. Last night she was laying on the couch with her feet close to i and I had the overwhelming feeling that I should rub her feet and legs like I would have always done before, I didn't touch her, but I really wanted to. She never let anyone love on her like I used to and still want to.

Should I try to rub her feet or legs if it is possible tonight? Should I try to give her my love in some of the ways that I used to? If she accepts me rubbing and massaging her feet and legs, should I try for more or should I just take it slowly?

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1 hour ago, Should I said:

Over the last few months my girlfriend and I have been having problems. Mostly caused by me. I realize now that I am the biggest problem I didn't listen when I should have, I didn't give attention when she needed it. She moved out at the beginning of this month

- Not sure if her legs are the main issue here?  That's just the physical aspect ( only you know her best - on whether you should touch her..at this time).

My concerns are, what's going on these last few months.  What's caused the fights & her to move out- away from you?

Okay, so she is back... but because she had nowhere to go.. correct?

What you need to do now, is work on your issue's... You didn't give her attention/listen?

How long have you been involved?

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We have been together for 8 years. I was the problem. I couldn't be bothered to hear her problems or would interject my problems any time she would try to talk about hers. She was lonely when I was working and kept saying that I was only one person. When the roles were reversed, she would listen to me, but I was just sad and lonely and jealous of her work to the point where I drove her away. 

She came back and I didn't know that she had any intention of trying to work things out, but I have done my best to hear her and not inject myself into consideration.

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Since you have a child together, get couples counseling. You haven't been able to fix issue on your own so a professional can teach you those skills. You owe your son a stable environment and if his parents can learn to be a mature, loving couple, that'd be the best outcome.

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This is bizarre and makes no sense. The relationship is volatile. She's moving back and forth from a car, has another man hovering on the side and there's a child involved. And her complaint for moving out to a car is because you don't listen enough? 

I also a similar question on whether there is drugs/alcohol addiction at play. I agree with couple's counselling or counselling for any drugs or addictions issues. How is your kid coping with the back and forth? 

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There aren't drugs or alcohol involved. I caused her to get fired by bringing a coworker into personal issues. 

The child has stayed with me the whole time. I have been seeking employment and so has she. 

She said yesterday that she was wanting to have a relationship where her feelings and thoughts are heard. I want to give that to her. 

We both battle with depression and anxiety and I recently started seeing someone about it and am on medication for it. I would like for her to see someone as well, but she has a bad history with psychiatrists and therapy. 

She is my best friend and I am scared to lose her completely, but I also don't want to be the reason for her unhappiness.

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1 hour ago, Should I said:

  Over the last few months my girlfriend and I have been having problems. Mostly caused by me. I realize now that I am the biggest problem I didn't listen when I should have, I didn't give attention when she needed it.

I caused her to get fired

You two sound incompatible.  I would be very surprised if she returned to stay permanently, especially due to the fact that you caused her to get fired. I think it would be very foolish of her if she did (sorry).

As to rubbing her feet and legs ..... NO.  Leave her be. The best thing to do right now is to focus on the well-being of the child by going to couples counselling to help sort out all of your issues.  A child deserves a stable environment and mature parents.

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8 hours ago, Should I said:

 I caused her to get fired by bringing a coworker into personal issues.

How so? Both of you need to get your acts together for your child.

That means jobs, appropriate parenting, help from social services if you have food, money, or other problems.

Enlist the help of trusted friends and family with childcare.

The mother of your child should not be terrified of you or living in a car.

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I caused her to get fired by texting  her coworker to make sure that she wasn't working late. She normally got home at 11:15 pm and this was at midnight and I had not heard from her and she hadn't responded to my texts or calls. The whole conversation was me asking if he had seen her, him saying no but he would text the group chat and me then saying that I am going to go look for her and hopefully not find he dead in a ditch from hitting a deer.

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